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一二度

影片 《爱,简单》 巴西

偷了的吻要怎么还回去呢?好像只能表白了吧。

男孩Leo天生双目失明,他唯一的朋友是同班的女同学Giovana。虽然Leo是个盲人,但是却渴望自立,他不喜欢被家人和Giovana过度保护。新来的转校生Gabriel的到来让他体验了很多不一样的事情。

Gabriel不介意坐在Leo的后面帮助他,和Giovana一起送Leo回家,带着Leo去电影院听电影,晚上两人一起去看月食,载着Leo在自行车上感受风,一起参加班级野营……

Leo和Gabriel关系越来越好,和Giovana之间的关系有点疏离了,Giovana因此和Leo发生了矛盾。Leo渐渐...

影片 《爱,简单》 巴西

偷了的吻要怎么还回去呢?好像只能表白了吧。

男孩Leo天生双目失明,他唯一的朋友是同班的女同学Giovana。虽然Leo是个盲人,但是却渴望自立,他不喜欢被家人和Giovana过度保护。新来的转校生Gabriel的到来让他体验了很多不一样的事情。

Gabriel不介意坐在Leo的后面帮助他,和Giovana一起送Leo回家,带着Leo去电影院听电影,晚上两人一起去看月食,载着Leo在自行车上感受风,一起参加班级野营……

Leo和Gabriel关系越来越好,和Giovana之间的关系有点疏离了,Giovana因此和Leo发生了矛盾。Leo渐渐发现自己喜欢上了Gabriel,又担心Gabriel喜欢班里的另一个女生,对Gabriel患得患失。Leo在野营时和Giovana解决了矛盾,对Giovana坦白自己对Gabriel的感情。

后来在Giovana的暗示下,Gabriel来找Leo,这两个人互表心意,来了一个甜甜的吻。

这部影片是根据导演本人执导的短片《爱,牵手》改编成的长片。短片加长,情节却没有变拖沓,反而有了更加细腻的细节。

Leo青春期到来渴望自立,Gabriel和Leo更多的互动,Giovana对于朋友的小小占有欲,Leo喜欢上Gabriel后会想知道自己长得好不好看,害怕Gabriel对其他女生有好感,还有班里同学对Leo的捉弄等等。

一个内心敏感的青春期少年,有喜欢的人和好朋友来让自己变得自信,和他们一起对别人的嘲笑进行反击,这样的青春真是温柔细腻又美好。

这种小清新的影片会被xx云屏蔽也是无语,长片还好找一点,短片找了好久才在外文网站找到,留个链接给想看的吧,短片的字幕是我自己根据英文字幕翻译添加的,翻得不好也只能凑合看了,网页链接(提取码:j5f5),看不见文件的话用浏览器打开可看见

影猎人
《我们,动物》「2018&mi...

《我们,动物》「2018·vol.446」

看似对一切的表现都轻描淡写,也正是这种“不用力”,戳到了人心。全片几乎就是小男孩在某些方面的觉醒过程,透过他的眼睛,生活的喜怒哀乐具现。



多欣赏一部电影,多体会一种人生。

获取本片、共同交流电影并找其他片源,敬请关注微信公众号「影猎人」(ID:yinglierenyingshi)

《我们,动物》「2018·vol.446」

看似对一切的表现都轻描淡写,也正是这种“不用力”,戳到了人心。全片几乎就是小男孩在某些方面的觉醒过程,透过他的眼睛,生活的喜怒哀乐具现。



多欣赏一部电影,多体会一种人生。

获取本片、共同交流电影并找其他片源,敬请关注微信公众号「影猎人」(ID:yinglierenyingshi)

jiesj09
call me by your...

call me by your name

带给我的感觉太持久了

那种难过 那种忧伤 直击灵魂深处

我忍不住恨Oliver 恨他给不了Elio未来 却又给他一段横亘一生的回忆

从那个夏天开始 Elio的回忆中就只有the Elio 

影片整个拍得很美

意大利小镇的夏天

充满汁水的蜜桃和甜杏

胸口的六角星

星星的烟草味

清凉河水里的游泳

草地上的晒太阳和沙滩排球

沙冰

蛋挞

美好的一切

看到背着书包的Elio背影 目送Oliver离去的那个孤独的背影

我的心 痛的说不出话

爱人走后给妈妈打电话接Elio回家 因为Elio可以坚强的送Oliver走 却为此...

call me by your name

带给我的感觉太持久了

那种难过 那种忧伤 直击灵魂深处

我忍不住恨Oliver 恨他给不了Elio未来 却又给他一段横亘一生的回忆

从那个夏天开始 Elio的回忆中就只有the Elio 

影片整个拍得很美

意大利小镇的夏天

充满汁水的蜜桃和甜杏

胸口的六角星

星星的烟草味

清凉河水里的游泳

草地上的晒太阳和沙滩排球

沙冰

蛋挞

美好的一切

看到背着书包的Elio背影 目送Oliver离去的那个孤独的背影

我的心 痛的说不出话

爱人走后给妈妈打电话接Elio回家 因为Elio可以坚强的送Oliver走 却为此用尽了所有力气 只有公共电话亭里那一句momcould take me home 让人痛彻心扉 

对Elio的心疼让我再听到那一句话后再也忍不住 泪水停不下来

最后的最后 Oliver订婚 Elio在壁炉面前流泪 火光在Elio的眼中闪闪发亮 欢乐 恨不甘心 遗憾 痛楚 千百种情绪从甜茶的眼中流过 最后 一种 我觉得是舍不得放不下深爱过的遗憾

看完 我恨Oliver 我恨他给不了Elio更多的爱 我恨他不够勇敢 我恨他不能真真切切 冲破重重阻碍去爱Elio 我想让Elio从来没有遇见Oliver 可是 如果没有那个夏天 Elio还是Elio么

那六周的欢愉是一辈子的毒药

Lip.♡

今天下午看了《父子迷情》,电影从头到尾无论是画面色调气氛还是背景音乐都给人一种非常压抑的感觉,就像片中父子之间复杂的关系一样,他们深爱着彼此,互相离不开彼此,但是他们也知道总有一天他们会分开,无法真的在一起。
当时在选择是否看这部电影的时候也被它的评分所犹豫不决,但还是去看了,因为这部电影的封面看着还挺温馨的,但是看完之后却觉得并不是我想的那种温馨,只觉得他们之间爱的很深沉,爱的很绝望。我大概能理解为什么电影评分这么低,可能这部电影想要表达的意义比较深刻,而电影的氛围又这么压抑,的确让人看完之后会觉得云里雾里,或者根本不知道这部电影究竟想要表达些什么。但是如果满分10分的话,我想我会打8分。
其次...

今天下午看了《父子迷情》,电影从头到尾无论是画面色调气氛还是背景音乐都给人一种非常压抑的感觉,就像片中父子之间复杂的关系一样,他们深爱着彼此,互相离不开彼此,但是他们也知道总有一天他们会分开,无法真的在一起。
当时在选择是否看这部电影的时候也被它的评分所犹豫不决,但还是去看了,因为这部电影的封面看着还挺温馨的,但是看完之后却觉得并不是我想的那种温馨,只觉得他们之间爱的很深沉,爱的很绝望。我大概能理解为什么电影评分这么低,可能这部电影想要表达的意义比较深刻,而电影的氛围又这么压抑,的确让人看完之后会觉得云里雾里,或者根本不知道这部电影究竟想要表达些什么。但是如果满分10分的话,我想我会打8分。
其次,电影比较吸引我的最主要原因其实是儿子的颜,他长得真的特别好看,可以说是我看过的同性电影里为数不多的美男子了,怎么截图,都能截到他漂亮的一瞬间。
有兴趣的小伙伴可以去看看这部电影,总体的话,这部电影还是值得一看的。
影片的开头和结尾,父子对应的对话大概就是所想要体现的含义吧——无果的爱。
“我也在吗?”“不,你不在,我独自一人。”“你独自一人?”“是的。”

影猎人
《错误教育》「2018&mid...

《错误教育》「2018·vol.376」

第34届圣丹斯电影节评审团大奖,内容关注所谓性向“矫正”。节奏舒缓但并不沉闷,随着Mark的惨剧发生,电影推向高潮。能看出导演就只是想要做好该讨论的东西,并没有太多多余野心,这很难得。整体感受高于中规中矩,莫瑞兹饰演les不错。



多欣赏一部电影,多体会一种人生。

获取本片、共同交流电影并找其他片源,敬请关注微信公众号「影猎人」(ID:yinglierenyingshi)

《错误教育》「2018·vol.376」

第34届圣丹斯电影节评审团大奖,内容关注所谓性向“矫正”。节奏舒缓但并不沉闷,随着Mark的惨剧发生,电影推向高潮。能看出导演就只是想要做好该讨论的东西,并没有太多多余野心,这很难得。整体感受高于中规中矩,莫瑞兹饰演les不错。



多欣赏一部电影,多体会一种人生。

获取本片、共同交流电影并找其他片源,敬请关注微信公众号「影猎人」(ID:yinglierenyingshi)

蓝青橙子
爱是灵魂的丰富。 其实我也希望...

爱是灵魂的丰富。


其实我也希望,有个人能够 认真的   喜欢我。

爱是灵魂的丰富。


其实我也希望,有个人能够 认真的   喜欢我。

G.N.P.S——暂退,不定期更新

Love is never grow old.

真爱不悔


Love is A Force of Nature.

愿天下有情人终成眷属。


You are too much for me.

我无可救药地爱着你。


BROKEBACK  MOUNTAIN 

断背山


Jack,I swear......


(看了断背山之后哭晕在被窝里的鱼)

Love is never grow old.

真爱不悔


Love is A Force of Nature.

愿天下有情人终成眷属。


You are too much for me.

我无可救药地爱着你。


BROKEBACK  MOUNTAIN 

断背山



Jack,I swear......














(看了断背山之后哭晕在被窝里的鱼)

一二度

图自《迷情站台》

这是BBC台在2007年为纪念英国同性恋合法化40周年而拍摄的电视电影。

此片为多线叙述,有很多人,发生了很多故事,展现了伦敦男同的不同面貌。

他们中有人到中年依旧单身的男同;在自己的同志婚礼上勾搭男服务生的精英;有不认可本身的同性恋身份,在外搭讪男性并且对他们施加暴行的深柜;有已经和女人结婚可是会在下班后去男厕所找艳遇的老男人;有充满偏见,歧视却不自知的中产阶级;有暴力对待同性恋的流氓……

印象最深刻的是图上的14岁少年和30岁男人的故事。少年住在街的这一边,是个中产阶级家庭的独生子;男人住在街的另一边的政府廉租房,孤僻,一无所有,还有传言说他因为恋童坐过牢。

少...

图自《迷情站台》

这是BBC台在2007年为纪念英国同性恋合法化40周年而拍摄的电视电影。

此片为多线叙述,有很多人,发生了很多故事,展现了伦敦男同的不同面貌。

他们中有人到中年依旧单身的男同;在自己的同志婚礼上勾搭男服务生的精英;有不认可本身的同性恋身份,在外搭讪男性并且对他们施加暴行的深柜;有已经和女人结婚可是会在下班后去男厕所找艳遇的老男人;有充满偏见,歧视却不自知的中产阶级;有暴力对待同性恋的流氓……

印象最深刻的是图上的14岁少年和30岁男人的故事。少年住在街的这一边,是个中产阶级家庭的独生子;男人住在街的另一边的政府廉租房,孤僻,一无所有,还有传言说他因为恋童坐过牢。

少年迷恋男人,总是在图书馆观察男人,在窗口偷窥男人,终于在一个热死人的夜晚用一个还钢笔的借口进入了男人的家。闷热的房子,流汗的身体,赤裸的表白,原来男人怀着和少年同样的心情的。

男人不敢面对,他隐忍自己的欲望,他不敢直视少年,听着他说话,拿着香烟的手一直颤抖,哀求少年离开。一个吻,男人流泪了,少年也流泪了,情感就这样爆发了。

可是少年只有14岁,男人已经30岁,男人身上背负的不知真假的传言,少年那个充满偏见的中产阶级的妈妈,让这一切只能是无言的结局,一切注定是夏夜里的一场梦。

男人躲回了自我封闭的壳子,少年无法再接近男人了。(14岁和30岁在一起是犯罪来的,这样也是应该的。不过23岁的演员能演14岁少年还毫无违和感,真神奇。)

影片里没有一个人拥有一个好结局,就算结婚了还有出轨这种事,令人难受。

啊白薯 招代理🍀
【安利电影】不后悔 🌸☞ 『...

【安利电影】不后悔


🌸☞ 『不后悔』5.2r


♛韩腐影,讲述孤儿的少年遇到富家公子,虽然他们的感情历经挫折,但是他们绝不后悔。✨


🌟截图滴滴♡

【安利电影】不后悔


🌸☞ 『不后悔』5.2r


♛韩腐影,讲述孤儿的少年遇到富家公子,虽然他们的感情历经挫折,但是他们绝不后悔。✨

  

🌟截图滴滴♡

把吐司咬碎碎

《蓝色大门》

十七岁的夏天,少年的心乱成一团,今天想通的事明天接着烦。

阳光透过三个台北少年的白衬衫,照在每个平凡的大人身上。

曾经在很多很多年前,我们也在心里有过惊天动地的暗恋。

《蓝色大门》

十七岁的夏天,少年的心乱成一团,今天想通的事明天接着烦。

阳光透过三个台北少年的白衬衫,照在每个平凡的大人身上。

曾经在很多很多年前,我们也在心里有过惊天动地的暗恋。

把吐司咬碎碎
《平常的心》 爱上你时我以为我...

《平常的心》

爱上你时我以为我疯了,直到你答应我。

和你相爱时我以为我疯了,直到我失去你。

你离开以后,我不再是个疯子,我日出而作日落而息,如同一汪没有波澜的大海;
可我也不再是个正常人,因为走到某些熟悉的街角,总有眼泪流下来。

《平常的心》

爱上你时我以为我疯了,直到你答应我。

和你相爱时我以为我疯了,直到我失去你。

你离开以后,我不再是个疯子,我日出而作日落而息,如同一汪没有波澜的大海;
可我也不再是个正常人,因为走到某些熟悉的街角,总有眼泪流下来。

河马崽崽

没有技术含量/同影/甜的

没有技术含量/同影/甜的

河马崽崽

《喜欢,亲吻,快跑》‖ 你不需要假装自己已经死了,来保护你的孤独。

《喜欢,亲吻,快跑》‖ 你不需要假装自己已经死了,来保护你的孤独。

一句话影评
《喜欢,亲吻,快跑》 音乐很美...

《喜欢,亲吻,快跑》

音乐很美 色调很美 爱情很美 忧伤又明媚  

嗅一朵花的芬芳 万物有灵且美 用它比作爱情的发生 再合适不过了

花开花落自有时 凋落前恣意爱过 也是无憾了 

《喜欢,亲吻,快跑》

音乐很美 色调很美 爱情很美 忧伤又明媚  

嗅一朵花的芬芳 万物有灵且美 用它比作爱情的发生 再合适不过了

花开花落自有时 凋落前恣意爱过 也是无憾了 

王折鱼

在囫囵世界里追寻真我
——评《卡罗尔》
   
      由托德·海因斯导演的一部同性题材电影。在上世纪五十年代的美国,人们追逐着看不见的美国梦,每个人都迫切的希望证明自己同时适应社会。卡罗尔就是在这样一个人人只能看见自己的世界里找到了特瑞丝,一个是怀揣着摄影梦的小售货员,一个是在婚姻里挣扎的美艳贵妇,两个人灵魂碰撞下很快擦出了契合到骨子里的感情。在这个“正常”世界里是容不下她们这种“不正常”的感情的,而这部电影就是为了让大家明白,在爱情面前人人都有追求并献身的权利,这种权利绝不会被常理所束缚。
     ...

在囫囵世界里追寻真我
——评《卡罗尔》
   
      由托德·海因斯导演的一部同性题材电影。在上世纪五十年代的美国,人们追逐着看不见的美国梦,每个人都迫切的希望证明自己同时适应社会。卡罗尔就是在这样一个人人只能看见自己的世界里找到了特瑞丝,一个是怀揣着摄影梦的小售货员,一个是在婚姻里挣扎的美艳贵妇,两个人灵魂碰撞下很快擦出了契合到骨子里的感情。在这个“正常”世界里是容不下她们这种“不正常”的感情的,而这部电影就是为了让大家明白,在爱情面前人人都有追求并献身的权利,这种权利绝不会被常理所束缚。
      电影有三分之一的特写镜头都是透过玻璃来展现的,无论是特瑞丝还是卡罗尔,二人的脸都被隐藏在“布满水珠和雾气的车窗”,“折射室内明亮灯光的镜子”或者“人来人往霓虹闪烁的橱窗”后面。这些镜头将主角的脸庞弱化到虚幻,但是表情却依然清晰的体现着主人公的感情的起伏:紧张,雀跃,贪恋,渴望,任何一种都将她们之间细腻的从相知相爱又到分离再从归于好完整的展现给观众。而这种“隔着一层玻璃”的感觉就是同性恋者面对世人的态度——他们小心翼翼的隐藏,只在彼此面前真实,即使再爱也不敢明目张胆的暴露在月光下。如此可怜又可敬的爱情,正是支撑这类人群继续在这世间活着的鲜活痕迹。否则,就只是行尸走肉的随波逐流。
     二人一同驾车穿过长长的隧道,朦胧的光影打在卡罗尔的脸上,她的笑容优雅从容又不失亲切,就是从这一刻起特瑞丝的心里陡然萌生出友谊以外的感情。与卡罗尔的相识让她越发认识到自己的内心,也是与卡罗尔的相恋,让她彻底明白了与人类产生爱情这段奇妙化学反应是多么美丽和真实。是卡罗尔让她成长成了一个真正的女人,此前她只是孩子。
      而最初吸引卡罗尔的也就是特瑞丝这一份莽撞的童真。卡罗尔作为一个成熟女性,婚姻处于破裂期,有女儿有朋友,前夫依然深深爱着她。出于对自由的追求和本心的向往,她没有沉溺原本富裕美满的家庭,毅然独居且和特瑞丝坠入爱河。她引导着特瑞丝认识到这个崭新真实的世界,同时又应付来自前夫幼稚恶劣的骚扰。那个因为前妻“不正常的疾病”而失去原本完美家庭的男人从彬彬有礼的绅士变为恼羞成怒的狮子,他的心里想必也是痛苦而煎熬的。卡罗尔清楚的明白,前夫哈奇种种让人不适的行为也都是处于爱而不得的困扰,于是她为了女儿能够更加健康的成长放弃了抚养权。她不能阻止一个人爱他,但她也无法逼迫自己因为这种强求的爱情牺牲自我。
      正如卡罗尔所说,她不是一个圣人,不会去原谅什么。只是为了她更在乎的东西,她可以放弃所谓的尊严只为了保存那份更美好的童真——特瑞丝酷似女儿的童真——坦率的面对眼前的所有伤害和窘迫。在弱者面前强大起来永远是一个人承担起责任的体现,卡罗尔是在为守护而放弃。在面对自己异于常人的爱情时卡罗尔或许迷失过,但从没有放弃,从始至终都分的清楚什么是可以在危难时被剥离的,什么是即使遍体鳞伤也要时时拿出来缅怀的。认同和希望。

【王折鱼的影评系列!】 VOL 6

在常世间的认知下同性恋情一直是病态且有害的,但无论给其加上多少重束缚和枷锁,人与人总会找到相拥的方式。
凯特·布兰切特也太帅了吧!我要为魔王姐爆灯一辈子!!她A爆了!!

三爷

Moonlight (2016) dir. Barry Jenkins

Moonlight (2016) dir. Barry Jenkins

任池

同性题材电影不完全推荐

BL


必看经典(不做解释):

《霸王别姬》

《春光乍泻》

《蓝宇》

《断背山》

《call me by your name》


有颜可舔:

《我自己的爱达荷》

👉黑客帝国男主× 绝世神颜凤凰河

拍这个时两个人都是最好的年纪,简直颜狗狂欢 

《王尔德情人》

👉没秃的裘花大家还不来舔吗???又美又贵气 波西转世

王尔德在自深深处里写了他和波西的感情经历,真情实感令人唏嘘,捆绑安利了

《单身男子》

👉脸叔×马修×小尼子 

这个配置宇宙超级无敌

《莫里斯》

👉我要溺死在休格兰特的眼神里了好吗?...

BL


必看经典(不做解释):

《霸王别姬》

《春光乍泻》

《蓝宇》

《断背山》

《call me by your name》


有颜可舔:

《我自己的爱达荷》

👉黑客帝国男主× 绝世神颜凤凰河

拍这个时两个人都是最好的年纪,简直颜狗狂欢 

《王尔德情人》

👉没秃的裘花大家还不来舔吗???又美又贵气 波西转世

王尔德在自深深处里写了他和波西的感情经历,真情实感令人唏嘘,捆绑安利了

《单身男子》

👉脸叔×马修×小尼子 

这个配置宇宙超级无敌

《莫里斯》

👉我要溺死在休格兰特的眼神里了好吗?

神夏剧组的警花出没!年轻时真的超嫩超可爱

《天鹅绒金矿》

👉摇滚 盛世美颜 颠倒众生

《心之全蚀》

👉小李子的颜值巅峰 卢平教授倾情出演

讲述了诗人兰波和魏尔伦的故事

顺便安利他们两人的诗~

不看错亿

《杀死汝爱》

👉同样是诗人的故事 

小妖精戴涵涵 × 麻瓜版哈利波特(划掉)

影片介绍了美国“垮掉的一代”和颓废主义文学

非常值得一看

《迷恋荷尔蒙》

👉性感佩佩在线女装

《美少年之恋》

👉冯德伦 × 吴彦祖 

题目就已经很直白了不是吗?

《战场上的圣诞快乐》

👉神曲Merry Christmas Mr.Lawrence出处

坂本一龙,大卫鲍伊

《故园风雨后》

👉本卫肖×马修

场景美 人也美

《云图》

👉虽然同性只是其中一部分,但故事好,虐 

本卫肖粉丝滤镜八尺厚的我


小众,社会现实:

《春风沉醉的夜晚》

👉秦昊,陈思诚,谭卓

个人很喜欢郁达夫的那句话所以推荐了,碰巧它还是在南京拍的

《孽子》

👉白先勇先生的书更好看 

“晚风吻尽荷花叶,任我醉倒在池边”




未完待续

一二度

影片 《当我们17岁》 法国

“我想知道我究竟是喜欢男人还是只喜欢你”

这部电影让人感觉是那种仇人变情人的耽美小说被影视化了。

达米安是家境优渥,学习成绩好的学霸,汤姆是被领养的小孩,要兼顾家里的农活,成绩不算好的小孩。两人是同学,可是两人看对方不顺眼,经常有矛盾。

在机缘巧合下,达米安的妈妈让汤姆寄居在自己家。

两人争吵,打架,渐渐打出了火花,达米安发现自己的感情,慢慢试探,可是汤姆这时是害怕的,后来达米安的爸爸在战争中牺牲,汤姆陪着这母子一起度过难过的时光,两人在困难中越走越近,最后就是Happy Ending啦。

17岁的青春是烦恼的。

达米安喜欢上了汤...

影片 《当我们17岁》 法国

“我想知道我究竟是喜欢男人还是只喜欢你”

这部电影让人感觉是那种仇人变情人的耽美小说被影视化了。

达米安是家境优渥,学习成绩好的学霸,汤姆是被领养的小孩,要兼顾家里的农活,成绩不算好的小孩。两人是同学,可是两人看对方不顺眼,经常有矛盾。

在机缘巧合下,达米安的妈妈让汤姆寄居在自己家。

两人争吵,打架,渐渐打出了火花,达米安发现自己的感情,慢慢试探,可是汤姆这时是害怕的,后来达米安的爸爸在战争中牺牲,汤姆陪着这母子一起度过难过的时光,两人在困难中越走越近,最后就是Happy Ending啦。

17岁的青春是烦恼的。

达米安喜欢上了汤姆,对自身性向的疑惑,家庭突生变故,觉得汤姆对自己的好只是同情,面对爱情时充满不自信。

汤姆是被收养的小孩,家里条件不是很好,学习成绩也不是很好,妈妈怀孕了他内心充满了不安,压抑自己对达米安的感觉。

可是17岁的青春也是可爱的。

达米安想确认自己的感情,在网上约了一个男人,居然让汤姆送自己去见他。达米安发现自己不想和那个男人接触,可是汤姆却对人家的自动化农场感兴趣,和那个男人聊起来了,轮到自己在一边等。

汤姆手受伤,达米安帮他擦手,两个人之间那个暧昧流动,眼神火花满分,擦着擦着就动嘴了,从轻轻的吻到激动的吻。可惜这时汤姆害怕了,把达米安推远了。

两个人一起做题讨论,达米安解释柏拉图的观点时,充满了对汤姆的试探,汤姆一说他烦,他就说是必修内容,把人弄得心痒痒。

达米安妈妈也是个助攻,让汤姆来家里住,努力解决两人的矛盾,不反对达米安对汤姆的感情,让达米安有自信去面对爱情。

最后汤姆在山上用力奔跑,跑向达米安,两人深情一吻,真是美好的青春啊。

多说一句,有床戏,全裸,互攻。

淮准Leslie

【CMBYN-中英对照】自原著探寻电影背后的暗潮汹涌(2)

以下为书的第二part,第一在:(1)


*自译。这一次的意译就比上一次要多了……第二part应该是全书最长的一部分,我也选取了其中的很多内容,断断续续花了好几天才全部完成。有些句子因为过长,或是太涉及心理活动层面,流于意识,所以难度有点大,我按照理解尽可能地翻译,有误导或疏漏的地方,在此,还请谅解则个。


*每个摘录下面我都写有加粗的“P.S.”,第一是为了略作解释、帮助理解,第二是为了通过简短的加粗在段落间进行区分,希望不会影响到阅读体验……


原著分为四部分,以下摘自第二部分“Monet’s Berm(莫奈的崖径)


1.

With one hand on the handlebar...

以下为书的第二part,第一在:(1)


*自译。这一次的意译就比上一次要多了……第二part应该是全书最长的一部分,我也选取了其中的很多内容,断断续续花了好几天才全部完成。有些句子因为过长,或是太涉及心理活动层面,流于意识,所以难度有点大,我按照理解尽可能地翻译,有误导或疏漏的地方,在此,还请谅解则个。


*每个摘录下面我都写有加粗的“P.S.”,第一是为了略作解释、帮助理解,第二是为了通过简短的加粗在段落间进行区分,希望不会影响到阅读体验……


原著分为四部分,以下摘自第二部分“Monet’s Berm(莫奈的崖径)


1.

With one hand on the handlebar he lifted his shirt and exposed a huge scrape and bruise on his left hip.

"Still gives me the creeps," I said, repeating my aunt's verdict.

"Just a lost soul, really."

I would have touched, caressed, worshipped that scrape.

他一手掌住车把,一手撩起衬衫下摆,露出左腰臀上大片的伤疤和淤痕。

“他还是会让我心里毛毛的。”我重复着阿姨的判断。

“只是个迷失的人,真的。”

本该由我来抚摸,爱抚,崇拜着那些伤痕。

(艾里奥嫉妒安卡斯为奥利弗上药。)


On our way, I noticed that Oliver was taking his time. He wasn't in his usual rush, no speeding, no scaling the hill with his usual athletic zeal. Nor did he seem in a rush to go back to his paperwork, or join his friends on the beach, or, as was usually the case, ditch me. 

Perhaps he had nothing better to do. This was my moment in heaven and, young as I was, I knew it wouldn't last and that I should at least enjoy it for what it was rather than ruin it with my oft-cranked resolution to firm up our friendship or take it to another plane. There'll never be a friendship, I thought, this is nothing, just a minute of grace. 

一路上,我注意到奥利弗并不赶时间。他不似往日那样匆忙,既没加速,也没在爬坡时展现出往常的精力充沛。他看起来也不像急着要去取回他的论文,或是加入到他朋友们的海滩聚会中,更没像以前一样,急于甩掉我。

可能是因为他没什么好做,但,这已是我的天堂时刻。年轻如我,也知道这样的好时候不会持续太久,我最好享受这一刻,而不是用我古怪的方式稳固我们的关系,妄图使之更上一层楼,最后却落个搞砸一切的下场。全然没有什么友谊,我认定,只是露水般的恩惠。

P.S.前往战争纪念碑的路上。


2.

"Is there anything you don't know?"

“就没有什么是你不知道的吗?”


I looked at him. This was my moment. I could seize it or I could lose it, but either way I knew I would never live it down. Or I could gloat over his compliment—but live to regret everything else. This was probably the first time in my life that I spoke to an adult without planning some of what I was going to say. I was too nervous to plan anything.

我看向他。我知道我的机会来了,我可以抓住它,或是让它溜走,但我知道我永远不会忘记这一刻。我可以对他的恭维回以洋洋自得——但后悔其他的一切。这可能是我人生中第一次毫无准备地与一个成年人深入交谈,我太过紧张,以致于没有任何主意。


"I know nothing, Oliver. Nothing, just nothing."

"You know more than anyone around here."

“我什么也不知道,奥利弗,什么都不知道。”

“你比这儿的任何人知道的都多。”


Why was he returning my near-tragic tone with bland ego-boosting?

"If you only knew how little I know about the things that really matter."

他为什么要用那种乏味苍白的肯定来回应我近乎悲惨的心声?

“如果你能知道,我对真正重要的事情是多么知之甚少。”

P.S.战争纪念碑前的对话。我最喜欢的几个场景之一。


3.

He must have hit on something, though God knows what. Perhaps he was trying not to seem taken aback.

"What things that matter?"

Was he being disingenuous?

"You know what things. By now you of all people should know."

Silence.

他一定意识到了什么,谁知道呢?也许他在尝试着让自己看起来不那么惊讶。

“什么重要的事情?”

他在装傻吗?

“你知道是什么。这时候了,你明明是最明白的。”

沉默。


"Why are you telling me all this?"

"Because I thought you should know."

“你为什么告诉我这些?”

“因为我觉得你应该知道。”


"Because you thought I should know." He repeated my words slowly, trying to take in their full meaning, all the while sorting them out, playing for time by repeating the words. The iron, I knew, was burning hot.

“因为你觉得我该知道。”他慢慢重复我的话,似乎在整理头绪,咀嚼其中的含义,大概也是通过重复来拖延时间吧。我知道,铁已被燃烧得灼烫。


"Because I want you to know," I blurted out. "Because there is no one else I can say it to but you."

There, I had said it.

Was I making any sense?

I was about to interrupt and sidetrack the conversation by saying something about the sea and the weather tomorrow and whether it might be a good idea to sail out to E. as my father kept promising this time every year.

“因为我想让你知道!”我脱口而出。“因为除了你之外,我没有别人可以诉说。”

就这样,我说出来了。

我说的够清楚了吗?

我正准备打岔,聊聊海况或是明天的天气之类的来转移话题,又或许谈谈我爸爸每年这时候承诺要航行去E城的计划会是个好主意?


But to his credit he didn't let me loose.

"Do you know what you're saying?"

但幸好,他没有放过我。

“你知道你在说什么吗?”


This time I looked out to the sea and, with a vague and weary tone that was my last diversion, my last cover, my last getaway, said, "Yes, I know what I'm saying and you're not mistaking any of it. I'm just not very good at speaking. But you're welcome never to speak to me again."

这一次,我看向海,用一种模糊暧昧而无力的语调——作为我最后的转移、最后的掩盖、最后的逃避——说,“是,我完全明白我在说什么,你也没有任何误解。反正我不太擅长表达,你也大可不再跟我搭话。”


"Wait. Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

“等等,你说的,是我所想的那样吗?”


"Ye-es." Now that I had spilled the beans I could take on the laid-back, mildly exasperated air with which a felon, who's surrendered to the police, confesses yet once more to yet one more police officer how he robbed the store.

“是啊——”既然已经吐露心迹,我大可坦然一些,就像是被警察捉住围审的罪犯,在略微恼怒的氛围中一次又一次坦白我是如何抢劫商铺的。


"Wait for me here, I have to run upstairs and get some papers. Don't go away."

I looked at him with a confiding smile.

"You know very well I'm not going anywhere."

“在这儿等我一会,我要先上楼取论文,别走开。”

我看着他,自信地笑起来。

“你明明很清楚,我哪儿也不会去。”

P.S.“Because I wanted you to know.”


4.

"I wish I hadn't spoken," I finally said.

I knew as soon as I'd said it that I'd broken the exiguous spell between us.

"I'm going to pretend you never did."

Well, that was an approach I'd never expected from a man who was so okay with the world. I'd never heard such a sentence used in our house.

“就当我没说过。”我还是这样说了。

我知道我一旦说出口,就会打破我们之间少得可怜的羁绊。

“我打算假装你没说过。”

嗯,我倒是没料到一个随遇而安的人会选择这样做。我从没在我家听见类似的话。


"Does this mean we're on speaking terms—but not really?"

He thought about it.

"Look, we can't talk about such things. We really can't."

He slung his bag around him and we were off downhill.

“这是否意味着我们不再是泛泛之交——但也不尽然?”

他想了想。

“听着,我们不能讨论这种事,真的不能。”

他把背包甩上肩,我们开始下山。

P.S.奥利弗取回文件后,却是告诉艾里奥:我们不能谈论这种事。然后,艾里奥带着奥利弗去了他的秘密基地——那条河和那片草地。


5.

He was waiting for me to say something. He was staring at me.

This, I think, is the first time I dared myself to stare back at him. Usually, I'd cast a glance and then look away—look away because I didn't want to swim in the lovely, clear pool of his eyes unless I'd been invited to—and I never waited long enough to know whether I was even wanted there; look away because I was too scared to stare anyone back; look away because I didn't want to give anything away; look away because I couldn't acknowledge how much he mattered. Look away because that steely gaze of his always reminded me of how tall he stood and how far below him I ranked. 

他在等着我说些什么,他在凝视我。

这次,我想,是我第一次敢直视着回应他的目光。通常,我会匆匆一瞥就移开眼——移开眼,因为我不想受邀而后沉浸在他可爱、明澈的双眸里——我也不会停留太久,来探寻我在他眼中是否被渴望;移开眼,因为我太害怕回望任何人;移开眼,因为我不想泄露内心;移开眼,因为我无法承认他到底有多重要。移开眼,因为他无情的目光总提醒着我,他是多么高高在上,而我又是如何远远屈于他下。


Now, in the silence of the moment, I stared back, not to defy him, or to show I wasn't shy any longer, but to surrender, to tell him this is who I am, this is who you are, this is what I want, there is nothing but truth between us now, and where there's truth there are no barriers, no shifty glances, and if nothing comes of this, let it never be said that either of us was unaware of what might happen. I hadn't a hope left. And maybe I stared back because there wasn't a thing to lose now. I stared back with the all-knowing, I-dare-you-to-kiss-me gaze of someone who both challenges and flees with one and the same gesture.

现在,这静默的时刻,我回望他。不是为了反抗他,或者显示我不再害羞,而是一种投降,告诉他:这就是我,这就是你,这就是我想要的,现在我们之间只有真实,这种真实没有阻碍,没有回避的目光,如果连这样都没有结果,就请永远别说你或是我意识不到将会发生什么。我不抱一丝希望。可能我敢回望过去,是因为现在也没什么好再失去的了。我以了然一切的眼神回望他,用一种挑战而又逃离的姿态,仿佛在说,“有种你就吻我啊”。

P.S.“凝视”“对视”之类的描写在书中出现过很多次。


6.

Each leaning on one arm, we both stared out at the view. "You're the luckiest kid in the world," he said. 

"You don't know the half of it."

I let him ponder my statement. Then, perhaps to fill the silence that was becoming unbearable, I blurted out, "So much of it is wrong, though."

我们撑着手肘,眺望风景。“你真是世上最幸运的人了,”他说。

“你根本不了解。”

我让他思索我的处境。接着,可能是为了填满即将变得难以忍受的沉默,我脱口道,“何况其中很多都是错的。”


"What? Your family?"

"That too."

"Living here all summer long, reading by yourself, meeting all those dinner drudges your father dredges up at every meal?" He was making fun of me again.

I smirked. No, that wasn't it either.

“你指什么?你的家庭吗?”

“包括那个。”

“还是说要住在这儿度过苦夏,一个人读书,应付所有你父亲准备的正餐苦差?”他又在调侃我。

我傻笑。才不,也不是指这个。


He paused a moment.

"Us, you mean."

I did not reply.

"Let's see, then—" And before I knew it, he sidled up to me.

他停顿了一瞬间。

“你指的是,我们。”

我没做声。

“那,来试试看吧——”在我意识到之前,他凑近了我。


We were too close, I thought, I'd never been so close to him except in a dream or when he cupped his hand to light my cigarette. If he brought his ear any closer he'd hear my heart. I'd seen it written in novels but never believed it until now.

我们离得太近了,除了在梦里,或是他拢手替我点烟时,我从未如此接近过他。倘若他再把耳朵挨近一点儿,就能听见我的心跳声。我曾把这个场景写进小说里,但直到此刻之前,我从不敢相信它会真实地发生。


He stared me right in the face, as though he liked my face and wished to study it and to linger on it, then he touched my nether lip with his finger and let it travel left and right and right and left again and again as I lay there, watching him smile in a way that made me fear anything might happen now and there'd be no turning back, that this was his way of asking, and here was my chance to say no or to say something and play for time, so that I might still debate the matter with myself, now that it had reached this point—

他直直盯着我的脸,就好像他喜欢我的样貌,想要研究它、在我脸上眷恋逗留。他的手指摸上了我的下嘴唇,从左抚摸至右,又从右边抚摸向左,一遍又一遍。我躺在草地上,看见他微笑起来,那笑容让我害怕起接下来会发生某种无法回头的事情。或许这正是他询问的方式,也是我仅有的拒绝或者说话以拖延时间的时机,这样一来,我还能与自己再拉锯个数回,但都到了这个节骨眼儿上了——


except that I didn't have any time left, because he brought his lips to my mouth, a warm, conciliatory, I'll-meet-you-halfway-but-no-further kiss till he realized how famished mine was. I wished I knew how to calibrate my kiss the way he did. But passion allows us to hide more, and at that moment on Monet's berm, if I wished to hide everything about me in this kiss, I was also desperate to forget the kiss by losing myself in it.

我没时间了。因为他的唇已经印上了我的唇,一个温暖的、安抚的、“我会迎合你但绝不深入”的吻,直到他意识到我是多么饥渴。我真希望我能像他一样克制自己的吻,不过热情允许我们隐藏得更多。在那时、于莫奈的崖径上,如果我希望在这个吻里隐匿起有关我的一切,其实我只是渴望迷失在这个吻里,好能将它忘记。

P.S.草地上的kiss。


7.

"Better now?" he asked afterward.

I did not answer but lifted my face to his and kissed him again, almost savagely, not because I was filled with passion or even because his kiss still lacked the zeal I was looking for, but because I was not so sure our kiss had convinced me of anything about myself. I was not even sure I had enjoyed it as much as I'd expected and needed to test it again, so that even in the act itself, I needed to test the test.

“好点了吗?”事后他问。

我没回答,只是冲他抬起脸,又一次吻上他,近乎野蛮。这不是因为我充满热情,也不是因为他的吻里缺乏我需求的激情,而是因为我不确定我们的吻能使我取信自己,我甚至也不确定我是否如想象一般享受那个吻,所以我需要再试一次,即使行动本身已是答案,我也需要再试一试。

P.S.艾里奥kissed back。


8.

When, finally, I lifted one knee and moved it toward him to face him, I knew I had broken the spell.

"I think we should go."

"Not yet."

"We can't do this—I know myself. So far we've behaved. We've been good. Neither of us has done anything to feel ashamed of. Let's keep it that way. I want to be good."

"Don't be. I don't care. Who is to know?"

当最终,我抬起一边膝盖向他翻过身时,我知道我打破这个魔咒了。

“我想我们该走了。”

“不是现在。”

“我们不能这么做——我了解我自己。迄今为止我们是规矩的,我们做得很好,我们俩中的任何一个都还没做出理应羞愧的事。保持这样就好,我不想要失控。”


In a desperate move which I knew I'd never live down if he did not relent, I reached for him and let my hand rest on his crotch. He did not move. I should have slipped my hand straight into his shorts. He must have read my intention and, with total composure, bordering on a gesture that was very gentle but also quite glacial, brought his hand there and let it rest on mine for a second, then, twining his fingers into mine, lifted my hand.

A moment of unbearable silence settled between us.

"Did I offend you?"

"Just don't."

我孤注一掷,将手伸向他的裤裆。我知道,如果他不肯大发慈悲地放过我,我将永远不会忘记这个“理应羞愧”的动作。他确也没有动。早知道我就该把手直接滑进他的短裤里。他一定读出了我的意图,接着,带着全然的冷静,他以一种温和,同时也十分冰冷的姿态,将他的手覆盖在了我的手上,手指与手指交缠着,他移开了我。

难以忍受的静默在我们之间降临。

“我冒犯到你了吗?”

“别这么做就好。”


9.

The light of my eyes, I said, light of my eyes, light of the world, that's what you are, light of my life. I didn't know what light of my eyes meant, and part of me wondered where on earth had I fished out such claptrap, but it was nonsense like this that brought tears now, tears I wished to drown in his pillow, soak in his bathing suit, tears I wanted him to touch with the tip of his tongue and make sorrow go away.

我眼里的光。我眼里的光,世界的光,就是你,你就是我的生命之光。我不明白“我眼里的光”是什么意思,也不明白我究竟从哪儿来的这种花言巧语,它就是毫无意义,却还是能让我掉眼泪。我想把眼泪落在他的枕头上,浸湿他的短裤,我希望他能用舌尖吻落我的眼泪,为我赶走所有的悲伤。

P.S.艾里奥流鼻血后(奥利弗在桌子下用脚爱抚他所致)的心理活动。奥利弗没有像电影中一样吻他的脚背,而我恰好非常喜欢电影中亲吻脚背的细节。


10.

I tore out a sheet of paper from a school notebook.

Please don't avoid me.

Then I rewrote it:

Please don't avoid me. It kills me.

Which I rewrote:

Your silence is killing me.

Way over the top.

Can't stand thinking you hate me.

Too plangent. No, make it less lachrymose, but keep the trite death speech.

I'd sooner die than know you hate me.

At the last minute I came back to the original.

Can't stand the silence. I need to speak to you.

我从学校笔记本里撕下一页纸。

请不要躲着我。

接着我重写了一张:请不要躲着我。这几乎将我杀死。

我又重写道:

你的沉默正在侵蚀我。

太夸张了。

无法忍受你会恨我的念头。

太悲哀。不,别弄得这么煽情,但老掉牙的寻死觅活要保留。

知道你恨我,我即刻便要死去。

到了最后一刻,我还是回到最初的一版。

我受不了沉默了,我要和你谈谈。


11.

"We haven't talked," he said.

I shrugged my shoulders, meaning, No need to.

He lifted my face with both hands and stared at me as we had done that day on the berm, this time even more intensely because both of us knew we'd already crossed the bar. "Can I kiss you?" What a question, coming after our kiss on the berm! Or had we wiped the slate clean and were starting all over again?

I did not give him an answer. Without nodding, I had already brought my mouth to his, just as I'd kissed Marzia the night before. Something unexpected seemed to clear away between us, and, for a second, it seemed there was absolutely no difference in age between us, just two men kissing, and even this seemed to dissolve, as I began to feel we were not even two men, just two beings. I loved the egalitarianism of the moment. I loved feeling younger and older, human to human, man to man, Jew to Jew. 

“我们还没谈。”他说。

我耸了耸肩,意思是,没必要了。

他用双手抬起我的脸,凝视我,就像那天在莫奈的崖径上一般。甚至这一次更激烈,因为我们知道彼此都已突破障碍。“我可以吻你吗?”真是个好问题!在我们已经经历过崖径一吻之后。我们是不是把往事一笔勾销,准备重新开始了呢?

我没有做出回答。未经首肯,我已经将嘴唇贴上了他的唇,就像那晚我亲吻玛琪雅那样。一些没有预料到的东西似乎在我们之间变得清晰了,这一瞬,我们之间没有年龄差异,只是两个接吻的男人,甚至连这也消失了,我开始觉得我们不是两个男人,只是两个存在。我爱这一刻的平等,我爱这既年轻又年老的感觉,人对人,男人对男人,犹太人对犹太人。

P.S.那天晚上,他们第一次发生了亲密关系,书里写得细致而隐晦,我就不再摘取那部分了,止于此瞬间已然最美妙。关系发生之后,艾里奥的心理活动相当长,且相当复杂,我试图删删减减节选部分上来,最终还是因无法挑选恰当的部分、要么不取要么全取而放弃了。我简要分析一下:艾里奥得偿所愿终于同奥利弗发生关系以后,反而变得有点懊恼、冷淡了。一方面他太年轻了,此前所有的举动基本都是欲望在推波助澜,此刻的感觉,借用王尔德的一句话:世界上有两种悲剧,一种是没得到,一种是得到了。另一方面,可能就包含很多复杂的部分,例如艾里奥既快且痛的陌生感觉、艾里奥不确定自己到底是喜欢奥利弗,还是仅仅只对他抱有欲望、以及奥利弗不日将要离开的事实……


12.

"I had to see you," I said as I rushed to him. "Why, something wrong?" "I just had to see you." "Aren't you sick of me?" I thought I was—I was about to say—and I wanted to be—"I just wanted to be with you," I said. Then it hit me: "If you want, I'll go back now," I said. He stood still, dropped his hand with the bundle of unsent letters still in it, and simply stood there staring at me, shaking his head. "Do you have any idea how glad I am we slept together?"

“我必须来见你。”我说着,冲向他。

“怎么了,有什么问题吗?”

“我只是想见见你。”

“你不嫌恶我吗?”

我觉得我是,并且希望我如此……我本打算这么说。“我只是想和你待在一块儿。”接着我意识到:“如果你想,我会立刻回去。”——我说道。

他站着不动,垂下手,手里还拿着一叠没寄的信,他只是站在那儿、盯着我,摇了摇头。“你知道我有多开心我们睡过了吗?”


I shrugged my shoulders as though to put away another compliment. I was unworthy of compliments, most of all coming from him. "I don't know."

"It would be just like you not to know. I just don't want to regret any of it—including what you wouldn't let me talk about this morning. I just dread the thought of having messed you up. I don't want either of us to have to pay one way or another."

I knew exactly what he was referring to but pretended otherwise. "I'm not telling anyone. There won't be any trouble."

"I didn't mean that. I'm sure I'll pay for it somehow, though." And for the first time in daylight I caught a glimpse of a different Oliver. "For you, however you think of it, it's still fun and games, which it should be. For me it's something else which I haven't figured out, and the fact that I can't scares me."

我耸耸肩,像是收起又一个恭维。我根本不值得,尤其在大部分恭维来自他的情况下。“我不知道。”

“‘不知道’真像是你的风格。我只是不想后悔——包括今早你不让我谈论的那些。我也害怕会伤害你,我不想我们中的任何一个为此付出代价。”

我很清楚他指的是什么,但我假装不懂。“我谁也没告诉,不会有事儿的。”

“我说的不是这个。尽管我确定我终归会以某种形式付出代价。”这是我第一次在白天瞥见一个不一样的奥利弗。“对你来说,无论你怎么想,你始终把这当成乐趣和游戏,它也确实是。但对我来说,却是些我根本搞不明白的东西,这个事实令我感到恐惧。”


"Are you sorry I came?" Was I being intentionally fatuous?

"I'd hold you and kiss you if I could."

"Me too."

I came up to his ear as he was just about to enter the post office and whispered, "Fuck me, Elio."

He remembered and instantly moaned his own name three times, as we'd done during that night. I could feel myself already getting hard. Then, to tease him with the very same words he'd uttered earlier that morning, I said, "We'll save it for later."

“你不高兴我来这儿找你吗?”我在故意装糊涂吗?

“如果可以的话,我会拥抱你、吻你。”

“我也一样。”

在他快走进邮局前我凑近他的耳朵,轻声说,“CAO我,艾里奥。”

他记得,并且立刻吟叹着念了三遍他自己的名字,正如我们那晚所做的。我感觉我已经硬了。接着,为了用他那天早上的话戏弄回去,我说:“我们回头再说!”

P.S.顺接11之后、12之前,其实还有一件事我没摘进来2333奥利弗察觉到艾里奥的冷淡之后,第二天早上,他走进艾里奥的房间,没有任何前言,为艾里奥口。而奥利弗一碰到艾里奥时,艾里奥就硬了。所以,我觉得,是身体的信号告诉艾里奥他内心的真实感受23333所以奥利弗进城后,他迫不及待地追出来了。以及这里也点题啦,“用你的名字呼唤我”。


13.

I awoke to the sound of someone unhooking the latch of the shutters and then hooking it back behind him. As in my dream once, he was tiptoeing toward me, not in an effort to surprise me, but so as not to wake me up. I knew it was Oliver and, with my eyes still closed, raised my arm to him. He grabbed it and kissed it, then lifted the sheet and seemed surprised to find me naked.

He immediately brought his lips to where they'd promised to return this morning. He loved the sticky taste. What had I done?

I told him and pointed to the bruised evidence sitting on my desk.

有人打开了百叶窗的栓,进来后又重新拴好,我被那动静吵醒了。曾有一次在我的梦里,他踮着脚向我走近,不是为了给我惊喜,而是不想吵醒我。我知道是奥利弗,我闭着眼睛,朝他伸出手臂。他抓住我并吻了上来。掀开床单的时候,他似乎很惊讶我裸着。

他立即把嘴唇放上了今早承诺会回归的地方。他爱那黏糊糊的味道。我到底做了些什么?

我指着桌子上带有擦痕的证据告诉了他。


"Let me see."

He stood up and asked if I'd left it for him. Perhaps I had. Or had I simply put off thinking how to dispose of it?

"Is this what I think it is?"

I nodded naughtily in mock shame.

"Any idea how much work Anchise puts into each one of these?"

He was joking, but it felt as though he, or someone through him, was asking the same question about the work my parents had put into me.

“我看看。”

他站起身,问我这是不是留给他的。可能吧。或者我只是想摆脱再去想怎么处置它?

“这个是我想的那样吗?”

伴随着虚假的羞耻,我顽皮地点点头。

“你知道安卡斯为收获每一颗桃子花了多少心血吗?”

他在开玩笑,但感觉就像是他,或者别的什么人在透过他问我,是否知道我的父母在栽培我这一事上花了多少心力。


He brought the half peach to bed, making certain not to spill its contents as he took his clothes off.

"I'm sick, aren't I?" I asked.

"No, you're not sick—I wish everyone were as sick as you. Want to see sick?"

What was he up to? I hesitated to say yes.

他带着半颗桃子上床,确保他在脱衣服的时候桃子里的东西不会洒出来。

“我有病,对不对?”我问他。

“不,你没有——我希望每个人都像你一样病态,你想见识什么是真正的病态吗?”

他想干什么?我犹犹豫豫地说,想。


"Just think of the number of people who've come before you—you, your grandfather, your great-great-grandfather, and all the skipped generations of Elios before you, and those from places far away, all squeezed into this trickle that makes you who you are. Now may I taste it?"

I shook my head.

He dipped a finger into the core of the peach and brought it to his mouth.

"Please don't." This was more than I could bear.

"I never could stand my own. But this is yours. Please explain."

"It makes me feel terrible."

“只要想想你祖辈中在你之前的人——你,你的祖父,你的曾曾祖父,以及世世代代所有略过的艾里奥,还有那些来自远方的人,他们都涌进在这涓涓细流,把你造就成如今的你。现在,我能尝尝了吗?”

我摇头。

他一根手指伸进了桃子深处,将它递到嘴边。

“请你别……”这是我能说出的极限了。

“我从忍受不了我的。但这是你的。你还有什么要解释吗?”

“这让我感觉很糟糕……”


He simply shrugged my comment away.

"Look, you don't have to do this. I'm the one who came after you, I sought you out, everything that happened is because of me—you don't have to do this."

"Nonsense. I wanted you from day one. I just hid it better."

"Sure!"

I lunged out to grab the fruit from his hand, but with his other hand he caught hold of my wrist and squeezed it hard, as they do in movies, when one man forces another to let go of a knife.

"You're hurting me."

"Then let go."

I watched him put the peach in his mouth and slowly begin to eat it, staring at me so intensely that I thought even lovemaking didn't go so far.

他把我的评论置之脑后。

“真的,你不用这么做。我才是那个追求你的人,是我找上了你,所有发生的一切都是因为我的缘故——你根本不用这么做。”

“胡说。我从第一天就想要你,只是我藏得更好。”

“是是!”

我猛冲过去想把水果从他手里夺回来,但他用另一只手控住我的手腕,紧紧攥住,就像电影里演的:一个人强迫另一个人放下手里的刀子。

“你弄痛我了!”

“那你就放手。”

我就这么看着他把桃子放进嘴里,慢慢吃起来,他的目光牢牢地锁定我——做爱也不过如此了,我想。


"If you just want to spit it out, it's okay, it's really okay, I promise I won't be offended," I said to break the silence more than as a last plea.

“如果你想吐出来也没关系,真的没关系,我保证我绝不会感到受冒犯。”与其说是最后的恳求,不如说是我想打破这时的沉默。


He shook his head. I could tell he was tasting it at that very instant. Something that was mine was in his mouth, more his than mine now. I don't know what happened to me at that moment as I kept staring at him, but suddenly I had a fierce urge to cry. And rather than fight it, as with orgasm, I simply let myself go, if only to show him something equally private about me as well.

他摇摇头。我能判断出那一瞬间他在认真品尝。我身体中的某样东西正在他嘴里,现在,也许应该说是他的东西了。我不知道那刻我一直盯着他时,到底是怎么了,但我突然有强烈想哭的冲动。我没有抵抗,而是伴随着高潮,放任自己哭了,我就想给他看看我同样私密的一面。


I reached for him and muffled my sobs against his shoulder. I was crying because no stranger had ever been so kind or gone so far for me, even Anchise, who had cut open my foot once and sucked and spat out and sucked and spat out the scorpion's venom. I was crying because I'd never known so much gratitude and there was no other way to show it. And I was crying for the evil thoughts I'd nursed against him this morning. And for last night as well, because, for better or worse, I'd never be able to undo it, and now was as good a time as any to show him that he was right, that this wasn't easy, that fun and games had a way of skidding off course and that if we had rushed into things it was too late to step back from them now—crying because something was happening, and I had no idea what it was.

我向他挨过去,靠在他的肩上以便藏匿我的抽泣声。我在哭,因为从不曾有哪个陌生人对我这样好,为我做到此等地步,即使是安卡斯也没有(他曾割开我的脚,为我吸出蝎子的毒液)。我在哭,因为我从未有过如此深厚的感激之情,同时又没办法表达出来。我哭,也因为今天早上我竟对他怀有恶意。也是为了昨夜,因为,无论结果好坏,我都无法撤销已做下的事,现在是个好时机了:告诉他他是对的;这一切都不容易;乐趣和游戏也会脱离正轨;我们已然因太迟,无法从其中抽身而退——我哭了,因为有些事正在发生,可我完全不知道是什么样的事。


"Whatever happens between us, Elio, I just want you to know. Don't ever say you didn't know." He was still chewing. In the heat of passion it would have been one thing. But this was quite another. He was taking me away with him.

“无论我们之间发生什么,艾里奥,我只是想让你知道。不要再说你不知道了。”他仍在咀嚼。因激情的催化所致是一回事,但这次是另一回事。他要把我带走了。


His words made no sense. But I knew exactly what they meant.

I rubbed his face with my palm. Then, without knowing why, I began to lick his eyelids.

"Kiss me now, before it's totally gone," I said. His mouth would taste of peaches and me.

他的话讲不通,可我明白他的意思。

我用手掌摩挲他的脸,接着,也不知道为什么,我吻上他的眼睑。

“现在,吻我,在余味彻底消失之前。”我说着。他的唇尝到了桃子和我的味道。

P.S.翻译了这么多……跪求不会和谐呜呜呜。


14.

"I was waiting for you," I said.

"I thought you'd gone to sleep. I even thought you didn't want to."

"No. Waiting. I just turned the lights off."

I looked up to our house. The window shutters were all closed. I bent down and kissed him on his neck. It was the first time I had kissed him with feeling, not just desire. He put his arm around me. Harmless, if anyone saw.

"What were you doing?" I asked.

"Thinking."

"About?"

"Things. Going back to the States. The courses I have to teach this fall. The book. You." "Me?"

"Me?" He was mimicking my modesty. "No one else?"

"No one else." He was silent for a while. "I come here every night and just sit here. Sometimes I spend hours."

"All by yourself?"

He nodded.

"I never knew. I thought—"

"I know what you thought."

The news couldn't have made me happier. It had obviously been shadowing everything between us. I decided not to press the matter.

"This spot is probably what I'll miss the most." Then, upon reflection: "I've been happy in B."

It sounded like a preamble to farewells.

“我在等你。”我说。

“我以为你睡了,我甚至以为你不想。”

“不,我一直在等,我只是把灯关了。”

我抬头看着我们的房子,所有的窗户栓都关上了。我弯下腰亲吻他的脖子,这是我第一次带着感情,而不只是欲望地去亲吻他。他展臂环住我。就算这时候有人看见,也都没关系了。

“你在干嘛?”我问他。

“想事情。”

“想些什么?”

“很多。回美国。今秋我要教授的课程。书。你。”

“我?”

“我?”他模仿着我的谦恭。

“没别人了吗?”

“没有别人。”他沉默了一会儿,“我每晚都会来这边坐坐,有时一呆就是几个钟头。”

“就你一个人?”

他点头。

“我都不知道。我原以为——”

“我知道你怎么想。”

没有令我更快乐的消息了。这个谜曾经在我们之间横亘下阴影,但现在我决定不再追究了。

“这里大概是我以后最想念的地方了。”然后,他想了想,又道:“我在B城过得很开心。”

听起来就像是离别的序言。

P.S.艾里奥原以为奥利弗每晚出去是和别人sleep,其实奥利弗只是在外面坐坐、吹吹风、想想事情。


15.

"When did you know about me?" I asked him one day. I was hoping he'd say, When I squeezed your shoulder and you almost wilted in my arms. Or, When you got wet under your bathing suit that one afternoon when we chatted in your room. Something along those lines. "When you blushed," he said. 

“你什么时候察觉的?”有一天我问他。原本我希望他会说,“当我揉捏你的肩而你几乎在我臂弯里枯萎的时候”,或者“我们在你房里说着话,我发现你泳裤湿了的那个下午”之类的。

“你脸红的时候。”他说。

P.S.艾里奥脸红的时候,他们在翻译莱奥帕尔迪的《致月亮》。原诗译文(钱鸿嘉译)的最后几句摘录如下:

唉,青年时代该多么欢畅,

那时我满怀憧憬和希望,

而回忆的历程却不长。

往事的回忆固然令人悲伤,

而痛苦却天久地长!


He must have known exactly what I was feeling. What made me blush in the end was not the natural embarrassment of the moment when I could tell he'd caught me trying to hold his gaze only then to let mine scamper to safety; what made me blush was the thrilling possibility, unbelievable as I wanted it to remain, that he might actually like me, and that he liked me in just the way I liked him.

For weeks I had mistaken his stare for barefaced hostility. I was wide of the mark. It was simply a shy man's way of holding someone else's gaze.

We were, it finally dawned on me, the two shyest persons in the world.

他一定明白我的感觉。最终令我脸红的,不是我努力想与他对视,被他发现后又惊惶逃开的尴尬时刻,而是令我为之震颤、不可置信却又希冀如此的可能性——他喜欢我,就像我喜欢他那样,他喜欢着我。

一连好多周,我都误以为他的凝视出自露骨的敌意。我实在错得离谱。那只不过是一个害羞的男人凝视他人的方式。

我终于意识到——我们简直是世界上最害羞的两个人。

P.S.揭开谜底啦!为什么“凝视”在文中那么重要?因为他们俩是世界上最害羞的两个人哪!艾里奥以为奥利弗的视线是带有敌意的,崖径一吻前从未敢直视过他,其实艾里奥是害羞;而奥利弗的凝视看似冷淡,其实也不过是因为害羞而裹上的伪装。两个人浪费了前面好几周——因为害羞。


16.

When I opened his closet I noticed that he had left a bathing suit, a pair of underwear, his chinos, and a clean shirt on a few hangers. I recognized the shirt. Billowy. And I recognized the suit. Red. This for when he'd go swimming one last time this morning.

"I must tell you about this bathing suit," I said when I closed his closet door.

"Tell me what?"

"I'll tell you on the train."

But I told him all the same. "Just promise to let me keep it after you're gone."

"That's all?"

"Well, wear it a lot today—and don't swim in it."

"Sick and twisted."

"Sick and twisted and very, very sad."

"I've never seen you like this."

"I want Billowy too. And the espadrilles. And the sunglasses. And you."

当我打开他的衣橱,我注意到他遗落了一件泳裤、一条内裤,他的斜纹布裤,还有一件挂在衣架上干净的衬衫。我认识那件衬衫,大波浪。我也认得那条泳裤,红色的。今天早晨他最后一次穿着去游泳。

“我得告诉你关于这条泳裤的事儿。”关上衣橱,我对他说道。

“什么?”

“火车上再告诉你。”

但我说了跟他一样的话,“答应我,你走后,要把它留给我。”

“就这样?”

“嗯……我要你多穿它几天,但是别穿着它去游泳。”

“病态又邪恶。”

“病态,邪恶,和很多、很多悲伤。”

“我从没见你这样子过。”

“我还想要大波浪,以及那双帆布便鞋,和那对太阳镜。和你。”

P.S.第二部分的尾声,两人即将前往罗马度过最后的三天相处时光。


17.

On the train I told him about the day we thought he'd drowned and how I was determined to ask my father to round up as many fishermen as he could to go look for him, and when they found him, to light a pyre on our shore, while I grabbed Mafalda's knife from the kitchen and ripped out his heart, because that heart and his shirt were all I'd ever have to show for my life. A heart and a shirt. His heart wrapped in a damp shirt—like Anchise's fish.

火车上,我告诉他,当我们以为他溺水的那天,我是怎样请求我的父亲尽其所能地去聚集渔夫来寻找他,那么当发现他的时候,我们将在沿岸燃起柴火,我会拿着从厨房里带来的玛法尔达的刀,剖出他的心脏。因为这颗心和他的衬衫,将是我此生仅有的留存品。一颗心和一件衬衫。他的心包裹在浸湿的衬衫里——就像是安卡斯的鱼。


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