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The one without sin is the bearer of the cross |

北米双子Livejournal 点梗文转载


中文的点梗,填梗介绍来自《Livejournal上那些北米双子填梗文推荐》


点梗+填梗2篇:Russia rape 了Canada,强迫America观看。(冷/战时期,那时候确实是Ame把Can拽进来这个局中的,所以Ivan那句话说的没错。一共两篇填梗文。梗和文共享一个链接)(如果用电脑看,第二篇还有配图)这两篇,第一篇比第二篇行文更粗/暴。


原梗+填梗文链接:

https://hetalia-kink.livejournal.com/3274.html?thread=3148234#t3148234

(Anonymous)...

北米双子Livejournal 点梗文转载


中文的点梗,填梗介绍来自《Livejournal上那些北米双子填梗文推荐》


点梗+填梗2篇:Russia rape 了Canada,强迫America观看。(冷/战时期,那时候确实是Ame把Can拽进来这个局中的,所以Ivan那句话说的没错。一共两篇填梗文。梗和文共享一个链接)(如果用电脑看,第二篇还有配图)这两篇,第一篇比第二篇行文更粗/暴。


原梗+填梗文链接:

https://hetalia-kink.livejournal.com/3274.html?thread=3148234#t3148234

(Anonymous)

2009-01-15 05:01 pm (UTC) 

点梗:This is probably going to be a bit dark, but it can't be helped.


Russia/Canada + US- Russia noncons/dubcons Canada and makes US watch. No prefs. on which names used.

 
第二篇填梗文:


The one without sin is the bearer of the cross

(Anonymous)

2009-01-17 12:07 am (UTC) 


---原文开始---



The one without sin is the bearer of the cross [1/?]


‘This can't be happening,’ was all Alfred could think as he read the letter on his desk. A letter telling him that if he didn't reply to it by phoning the number provided by fifteen hundred hours that very day that he'd be getting his brother's left pinky in the mail. It was already thirteen hundred hours. "Christ!" he swore.

 

His brother had been kidnapped by a terrorist group about five days prior, seemingly out of the blue, though they had yet to give in to the group’s demands or even contact anyone since the kidnapping. A search immediately was sent out to find him. Arthur and Francis had checked every flight, boat (or really any transportation) outgoing to Europe, Honda (and with some blackmailing Yao) covering most of the Asian areas. Alfred himself had all the countries in the Americas searching and checking anyone going in/out of the borders.

 

Matt was no where to be found. Now on the American's desk sat the only information he'd received on the situation. After contacting his secret service, who had tried to locate the origin of the number which was concluded to be likely be a simple cell pone one, he had taken further measures to ensure that they were set up to listen in using tapping equipment.

 

"America." A voice answered that Alfred immediately recognized. It caused a shiver to run through him as though the room's temperature suddenly dropped to minus forty Celsius.


"Russia...so it was you..!" Alfred nearly growled but tried to restrain himself since he knew, now more than ever, that his brother's life was at stake. "Where is Canada?"

 

"With me thought right now he is quite tired and sleeping." the Russian replied in his terrible accent. Alfred could almost hear the mockery in his tone as he spoke. "Now I think we should talk about what it is I want to receive from you in order to get back your brother, yes?"
 

‘Bastard...’ Alfred growled in his mind but managed to remain calm on the outside. He couldn't...he didn't negotiate with terrorists, no matter what the cost. But he'd never been threatened like this before; no one had dared sneak so close to his own house. His brother meant so much to him, too much for him to lose him and he knew the Russian knew this too. "Why? Why Russia? Your fight is with me! Let him go!"

 

"Ah, well I've had such a hard time getting your attention lately so I thought that the most direct way was through your heart..." Ivan's voice was as cold as his winters yet still managed to carry that undertone of childishness. "Canada is just as stubborn as you though and fought hard to escape...you should be proud."

 

"You better not have hurt him!!" Alfred shouted his anger getting the better of him.

 

"Nothing that will scar." Ivan replied with no malice in his voice but a shudder still made its way down the American's spine.

 

"What do you want from me?" Alfred asked his teeth tight like a clamp making his jaw hurt from the pressure.

 

"Well Canada is quite valuable, much more then his loud older brother," Ivan said in tone that could easily suggest they were merely talking about the weather, "but I suppose there is one thing that is more valuable then his life."

 

"Tell me your price!" Alfred nearly snapped.

 

"Your pride." Ivan answered.

 
It took the American a good full minute to let those two words properly process in his mind. He still hadn't completely understood before the cruel Russian spoke again, "Do not do anything that will jeopardize your brother’s health dear Alfred. I will wait for you at a location and time that will be disclosed to you on a later date. If you don't come then I will send your brother's hands to you." Then Ivan hung up.

 

"Did you find the location?!" Alfred shouted to his secret service crew. One of the men gave the thumbs up, already on the radio sending a squad on their way. Letting them handle the rest the American sat heavily into his chair rubbing his eyes. "This is just fucking wonderful."

 

 
The one without sin is the bearer of the cross [2/?]

 

A meeting was called immediately after the call with the (trusted) Allied nations. There was a large and quite loud conversation about what should be done next and no one seemed to agree with the other.

 

"Are you saying we should just let Canada get cut to bits by that maniac!?" Francis shouted at Arthur. The French man was nearly red in the face from his argument with the English man.

 

"No of course not but we can't give into his demands!" Arthur shouted back just as frustrated. "We can't just hand America over to that maniac!"

 

"I agree with England-san," Honda said quietly calm as always, "all we'll be doing is giving Russia-san another hostage."

 

"But he'll cut off Mathieu’s hands!!!" Francis shouted at the small Japanese man. He cradled his head in his hands. "My poor Mathieu...he's probably scared half to death, kept in some dirty dungeon by that savage..." For once the French man's voice held no sarcasm but actual fear and sorrow.

 

Watching the whole scene with a sort of detached manner, Alfred sat in his chair, eyes looking forward but not really seeing anything. His brother was in the hands of that lunatic and he, for the first time in his life, was powerless to do anything about it. It was such a strange thing to be at someone else’s mercy. He'd built such strong walls all around himself that had seemed impregnable....

 

"Alfred-san?" Honda said quietly looking at the American with worried eyes.


"Hm?" Alfred looked about the occupants of the room that all seemed to be staring at him. Startled, because they had just been fighting not a moment ago, he spoke, "Oh was there...did someone come up with something?"

 

"Alfred..." Arthur said his voice filled with concern. He tentatively pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to his American friend.

 

Looking at the offered item Alfred took it, wondering why it had been handed to him, when a drop of water fell onto his hand. "Oh, oh shit!" He cursed at himself and quickly used the handkerchief to wipe at his face.

 

"America-san if you need a moment..." Honda said trailing off.

 

"...I'll be back." Alfred said as he all but fled from the room and across the hall to the bathroom. "CHRIST!!!!" He swore while washing his face with cool water from the tap. "God damned mother-fucking son of a bitch!!!" He coughed trying to regain his breath and cool his temper. It only worked for about a moment before he was swearing again and kicking the fixtures. "Who the hell does he think he is! Fucking kidnapping Matthew!! I'll skin the bastard alive!!!"

 

It took him another bout of kicking and swearing before most the anger managed to work its way out. However despair was right there and ready to rush in to take its place. He knew it was pathetic and that heroes, especially American ones like himself, never cried but he couldn’t stop the tears. He pounded at the wall one last time for good measure before sinking to the floor in a heap. "Christ please help me...please help Matthew..." he swore.

 

It took major effort on his part but he eventually made his way back to the room. He listened as Honda attempted to make a plan with the others, though Francis was being a nuisance since all he did was shoot plans down by pointing out their flaws.

 

"Oh, America-san," Honda greeted, having been busy arguing with Francis over something and not seeing the golden blond man, "if you're...able to discuss it...did your men find the location from your phone call?"

 

"No, Ivan was prepared and was long gone before we even left." Alfred replied with an aggravated sigh.

 

"Ah...I'm sorry to hear," Honda said with restrained sympathy, truly typical of the Japanese man. "Then we have no idea of the location?"

 

"I'm afraid so," the American answered with a sigh that almost sounded like a growl, "that bastard had this planned completely from beginning to end." It took him another full minute, and many a deep breath, to relax. "Christ." he swore not for the last time that day.

 

"Alfred," Arthur said concern for his 'son's' mental health at this moment, "we'll find him and we'll rip that miserable wanker’s tongue out for even daring to harm a hair on Matthew's head.” 
 

"Thank you." Alfred said with a half-managed smile.

 

The one without sin is the bearer of the cross [3/?]

 

The discussion went on with ideas thrown about for half a day before everyone left to go about their own devices. They'd decided that there was no way that Alfred would be offered up to Ivan despite his demands and threats. Though perhaps there was a way to lure the insane Russian out of hiding using him as bait...though they all knew that, crazy he may be, he was no where near stupid.

 

Still it was all they had.

 

Sighing miserably to himself, Alfred sat in his recliner. The information on where to meet Ivan had yet to be sent and so all he could do is wait. Wait and pray. God in heaven but this was killing him. He prayed that Matthew was alright that Ivan hadn't hurt him too terribly.

 

Though sleep would be impossible until Matthew was safe in his bed and that vile Russian’s head was on a stake he decided to give it a try. After all if he was dead on his feet then he'd just be less able to rescue his brother. He lay down on his bed closing his eyes and trying to will sleep to come to him. After a half an hour of no success he opened his eyes and turned his head to the bedside table where a picture of him and his brother lay. It had been taken about eight years back when they were on relatively good terms. They were both smiling with Alfred's eyes facing forward and...

 


He sat up and picked the picture up looking a little more closely then he had since it'd been taken. Matt. . . . was looking at him not the camera as he should have been. Al gasped when he noticed what reflected in those beautiful bright blue eyes.

 
 

Love.

 
 

It was a deep love that he'd only ever seen once before in his life from a time that had long since passed. The same love his older brother (and near father) Arthur had given him while he was growing up. It made tears well up in his eyes. Tears of joy; because someone else was giving him that look, tears of sorrow; it had been a long time since Matt looked at him, and tears of pain; that lunatic had his brother...what if he never got to see that look again?

 
 

"Oh God Matt! I'm so sorry, I never meant for you to get hurt...not for me, never for me." he sobbed into the photo. "I love you! Why couldn't that bastard just hurt me instead?"

 
 

"Because your body is strong." a voice answered.

 
 

"WHO'S THERE!!!" Alfred shouted and like a shot was out of bed with a pistol in hand (the photo still in the other), pointing it at the intruder.

 
 

"Hello America, it's been a while." The small brunet man answered.

 
 

"L-Lithuania?!" Alfred gasped looking at the pale man in near awe. "How did you get in?"

 
 

"I mastered my way around your house while I was working for you. Plus acting like a maid to get in really helped." Toris answered with that same tired smile he always seemed to carry with him.

 
 

"Why are you here then?" Alfred asked finally lowering his gun but not putting it away, Toris was after all one of the countries under Russia's domain.

 
 

"I think you know why I'm here." Toris answered.

 
 

"You're his delivery boy then?" Alfred asked with a growl.

 
 

"No, that's someone else." Toris replied with a shake of his head, "I'm here to warn you." He looked the American straight in the eyes, his own sharp and keen quite unlike the usual softness Alfred was use to. "Canada will suffer terribly if you go to Ivan."

 
 

"And if I leave him in that maniac's hands then he'll be slowly tortured to death then cut into pieces and sent to me in a box," came Alfred's sharp reply, "he's already suffering, what more can Ivan do?"

 
 

"Much more then you can imagine." Toris replied a shiver making its way down the smaller man's back.

 
 

"...What is he planning?" Alfred asked afraid of the question but needing to know all the same.

 
 

"I don't know the extent of his plan but..." Toris sighed and Alfred could almost swear he could see the heavy burden that the other carried. "Canada...he'll be made to suffer just for you so that you'll be hurt in a way that can't be healed no matter how much time passes."

 

The one without sin is the bearer of the cross [4/?]


Silence reigned over Alfred in that moment. He could only imagine the horrible things that had happened to the seemingly delicate Toris over the years, he'd pray he wouldn't have those tortures inflicted upon himself or anyone he held dear. "But if I leave Canada there he'll suffer worse than if I went there...wouldn't he?"

 
 

Sighing Toris nodded miserably. "Yes, regardless of what you do he will suffer, the only difference is that he won't suffer alone."

 
 

"No, even if I'm not there I'll still suffer and Ivan knows it." Alfred sighed, now suddenly feeling all the stress of the situation crash down on him.

 
 

"Alfred..." Toris said walkingover to the American and putting a hand on his shoulder. "I think...I think I may know where he is...but if you go there with a large army he'll only run away and you'll lose him again."

 
 

"What?! Where is he?!" Alfred said grabbing the shoulders of the Lithuanian and giving him a light shake.

 
 

Looking a tad dazed Toris shook his head then pulled free of Alfred's gasp pulling out a piece of paper which he then handed to him. "That's the location...but this is only a vague clue and it could be a trap."

 
 

"How did you get this?" Alfred asked.

 
 

"I stole it," Toris answered, "from Ivan's briefcase."

 
 

"Thank you." Alfred said and hugged the brunet. He quickly set about getting his clothes on and arming himself.

 
 

"W-What are you doing?!" Toris asked baffled by the blond's behavior.

 
 

"Being a hero." Alfred answered pulling on his gun belt.

 
 

"You can't!!" Toris exclaimed shock and fear evident in his voice. "You'll just be killed!"

 
 

"I'm not stupid enough to go in alone; I'll make sure that I have sufficient back up." Alfred said with a thumbs up. He got on his jacket and wandered back over to the shocked Liet. "I'll be fine; I can't leave my brother in that nutcase's arms a moment longer."

 
 

Sighing to himself, Toris could never stand against Ivan so bravely; he thought walked back over to the door. "Please be careful, I don't want to see you get hurt."

 
 

"I'll be safe and I'll get Canada out of there no problem!" America said giving his typical thumbs up.

 
 

作者的话: sorry for the small chapter...this was just more of a continuation from part 3, more to come later


 

The one without sin is the bearer of the cross [5/?]



"He's coming for you," Ivan said to his prisoner, tapping a bottle of vodka on his knee, "I can smell it."

 
 

The prisoner in question didn't answer him, just continued looking straight forward, not concentrating on anything at all.

 
 

"Are you not happy? Your brother is coming to save you even though you thought that no one cared." Ivan said with his usual childish smile on his face, "It is worth a drink, I think."

 
 

Still no response came from the golden haired blond. This irked Ivan to no end so he walked over and forcibly made him drink. He grabbed the back of Matt's head and nearly rammed the bottle down his throat. The Canadian sputtered and coughed as the liquid tried to make its way into his lungs. Ivan laughed and waited till the golden blond was done hacking before putting the bottle up to his lips again. "This time try to swallow, yeah?"

 
 

Bright blue eyes glared at him with a deep rooted hate before he let the Russian force feed him the cheap vodka. He coughed after the first two mouth fulls his throat burning, his vision blurring and his mind fogging.

 
 

"That's more than most can take!" Ivan cheered, smiling happily as he took a giant swig of the alcohol himself. "More than your brother likely could take...but I don't have him to compare." the ashen blond thought about it for a moment then broke into a gleeful smirk, "I'll have to test to see which of you is better as soon as he comes!!"

 
 

"Go to hell Russia." Matt said with an unsteady voice, his hateful glare turned on Ivan.

 
 

"So you can speak!" Ivan said cheerfully, "Good, good! I wouldn't want a mute in the upcoming performance!!" He sat back down in the seat that was across from where Matthew was chained. "I've been waiting for this for a long time, a time where your brother and I could just chat together."

 
 

Deciding to remain quiet, Matt just glared at the Russian.

 
 

"He always has something else to do...so annoying. I just want to speak with him." Ivan continued no longer bothered by the Canadian's silence. "I bet you felt that way too, always ignored." he laughed at the other's glare, "Perhaps we can come to understand one another, yes?"

 
 

"I don't want to understand you." Matt growled. He was woozy and bit disorientated both of which were bad things to be in front of the homicidal Russian.

 
 

"Why not? I can be a good friend to Matthew." Ivan said with a wide smile.

 
 

"I don't want to be friends!" Matt shouted at his captor but instantly regretted it. Ivan was nearly on top of him by the time he realized he was there, holding him up by the throat. He immediately grabbed at the other's wrists; though it was a futile effort with his own writs bound he couldn't get much of a hold.

 
 

"All will be under Russia Canada; perhaps you should learn to understand that and try to gain my good graces." Ivan said with a calm voice and hard eyes.

 
 

"N-No!" Matt shouted in defiance but his voice was cut off as Ivan squeezed a bit tighter. His vision started to blacken when he was roughly brought back to reality as he was thrown to the ground. He coughed as he desperately pulled much needed air into his lungs.

 
 

Ivan took a giant swig of his vodka and clenched and unclenched his free hand. "If you do not watch your tongue you may not have one before your brother comes to save you."

 
 

Not daring to say anything the Canadian waited until Ivan was gone out of the room before he allowed himself one shaking sob of terror.

 


 The one without sin is the bearer of the cross [6/?]

 

Having sent a letter to his allies informing them of his current location and also his forces which were waiting outside for his signal; Alfred snuck past the guards and security outside and into the main part of the building.

 
 

It took him several tries and 'silencing' many of Ivan's guards inside before he finally made it to a room that showed any promise. It was filled with computers and America quickly realized that this was the security room. Quickly going over to the televisions he started shutting them down and signaled his men waiting outside to start the invasion.

 
 

"Ah, you're early America." A voice said behind him, smug and slightly insane sounding.

 
 

Quick as lightning America turned around with his gun in hand pointed at the Russian who stood there. "Ivan, you've lost now bring me to my brother."

 
 

"Lost?" Ivan asked with a raised eyebrow. "What is lost?"

 
 

"Don't fuck with me Ivan!!" Alfred shouted already sick of talking to the taller man.

 
 

"Don't shout, I'll bring you to your brother, yes?" Ivan asked with his usual crazy smile. "It is what you want."

 
 

"Yes," Alfred answered not daring to trust the crazy man, "I want you to bring me to him and don't you dare try anything funny."

 
 

Laughing, that strange cold chuckle Ivan did when he saw people fighting, he began to walk into the room. "America thinks I am comedian!" he said still chuckling, "I will show you quite funny thing then." he pressed a button on the wall that Alfred hadn't seen till then, "You'll enjoy, I think." he laughed as a secret door opened and Ivan walked in.

 
 

Swallowing to settle his screaming nerves, Alfred followed never lowering his gun. "Where is Canada?" he asked.

 
 

"Your brother is deeper inside." the Russian answered calmly still walking forward. Back behind them the door closed.

 
 

Jolting in surprise America trained his gun on the back of Ivan's head. "I said nothing funny!!!" he shouted.

 
 

"There is nothing funny with closing doors." Ivan answered turning to look at the American, seemingly unafraid of the gun pointed at his head. "Doors close all times, why are they funny?"

 
 

"That's a secret door Ivan!" Alfred shouted.

 
 

"Then it should stay secret," Ivan said coldly, "come, you want to see your brother yes? Then you must keep walking."

 
 

"So then it's just me and him..." Alfred thought as he continued to walk after the deranged Russian.

 
 

"Just ahead." Ivan said going up to a highly secured door and slowly unlocking it. After about five minutes the thick metal door swung open into the hallway. "In, in!" Ivan said with a happy smile.

 
 

"You first." Alfred replied.

 
 

"America is a scared cat!" Ivan mocked with a sing-song voice before he walked in.

 
 

Alfred entered a second later, right behind the massive man. "Where is he?" he asked not seeing his brother, though he couldn't really see anything since it was so dark.

 
 

"Alfred it's a trap!!" Matthew screamed from somewhere in the room but it was too late. Pain, blinding and crippling shot through every nerve in the American's body and he quickly found himself laying on the floor.

 
 

"Foolish America." Ivan said walking up to the man a tazer in his left hand. He pulled the cord out of Alfred's leg then dragged him over to a chair which he strapped him in. "Now what to do?"

 
 

"Leave him alone!" Matt shouted and now Alfred could see him. His brother had his hands tied behind his back and a thick collar with a chain that was bolted to the ground. There seemed to be some kind of release mechanism for the chain but in his current state Alfred couldn't figure it out.

 
 

"Don't be foolish my beautiful Canada, he's the main act in the show!" Ivan said with another insane crackle.

 
 

"Don't touch him!!" Matt shouted again to no avail.

 
 

Ignoring him Ivan pulled out a knife and first removed Alfred's gun belt. He continued to remove all of the weapons decorating the American and once done piled them up neatly. "Now what shall we do...?" the Russian asked tapping his gun on his chin. "The performance should be good..." a glint came to Ivan's eyes and he began to cut off the rest of Alfred's clothes.

 
 

"STOP!" Matt shouted, trying to move to protect his brother but unable to do so.


 The one without sin is the bearer of the cross [7/?]


"What do you think we should do instead beautiful Canada?" the pale blond asked the upset Canadian, "Do you think that you can take the main role?"

 
 

"M-Main role...?" Alfred quietly said, his body finally coming back under his control, "Wh...at the hell...are you talking...about?"

 
 

"Performance!" the Russian said with a crackle, "I need one main actor and his support and then the bad guy!" He walked over to Matt, "he's volunteered for the main role!"

 
 

"What is the ...main role?!" Alfred shouted his voice returning to him.

 
 

"This." Ivan said licking the side of Matt's face, the other staying completely silent but giving one shudder.

 
 

"Don't you fucking touch him!!" Alfred screamed, completely regaining his senses. He tried desperately to get out of the binds and lung at the mad Russian.

 
 

To that Ivan just laughed, the sound echoing off the walls until it was nearly deafening. Once he finished he pulled Canada off his knees and held him up so he could smother the smaller blond's mouth with his own.

 
 

Matthew bit his lips in retaliation, reacting more than acting. He was thrown to the floor and unable to catch himself he smashed his head on the ground. Instantly Ivan was on top of him, turning him over and straddling his waist.

 
 

"That was not good my dear Matthew..." Ivan all but growled as he held the other's jaw in his iron grip. He leant down and forced his lips on the other's again but this time the smaller blond couldn't do anything. He forced his tongue into the others mouth.

 
 

"Stop!! Leave Matthew alone! This is between you and I you sick fuck!!" Alfred shouted from his chair, struggles renewed.

 
 

Looking at him from atop Matthew, Ivan smiled gleefully and proceeded to attack the Canadian's neck with licks and bites; the smaller man beneath gasped and hissed trying to get out of that iron grip.

 
 

"LET HIM GO!!!" Alfred screamed but it didn't do anything as Ivan continued his assault on the smaller man. Ivan lifted the golden blond's sweater up to his neck attacking his nipples with same vigor he did with the other's neck. "Stop! Ivan stop!!" Alfred shouted trying to keep his tears at bay. Matthew's own pleas rose with Alfred's begging the Russian to stop, his own attempts at holding back tears not as successful.

 
 

When Ivan's hands reached for Matt's pants the Canadian let out a sob, turning his head from both Ivan and Alfred to ashamed to look at either, especially his brother.

 
 

"You look beautiful like this Canada..." Ivan purred lazily stroking Matt's stomach and kissing his face.

 
 

"Let him go..." Alfred pleaded, his pride wasn't worth the pain Matt was going through.

 
 

"Hm..?" Ivan mumbled looking at his American captive. "What was that?"

 
 

"Please Ivan...please let him go," Alfred begged, ashamed but more concerned for his brother, "do whatever you want with me but please...let him go..."

 
 

"That is a good..." Ivan said with a wide and sick smile, "Your begging voice...it's lovely!" He looked at the smaller blond beneath him. "Does he beg you like this?" The Canadian only sobbed miserably in response. "No? It's such lovely sound..."

 
 

"Ivan..." Alfred pleaded.

 
 

Smiling as he always did Ivan leant down and licked Matt's tears. "I wonder how much you will beg...when I do more than this...?"

 
 

"Stop! Of for the love of Christ stop!!!" Alfred screamed struggling against the binds as hard as he could as the Russian continued to strip and molest Matthew. "STOP!! Stop, stop, stop, stop!!!!"

 
 

Letting out a scream of terror, Matt was suddenly stripped of his underwear and last bit of protection. He sobbed brokenly as he waited for what was to come next.

 
 

Ivan smirked and took in the sight beneath him. "Beautiful."


 
The one without sin is the bearer of the cross [8/?]


Moron Author Anon is a moron, the above comment is a part of the story, here's the eight part

 
 

"Not nearly as beautiful as your blood splattered across the floor." Another voice replied shortly.

 
 

"Arthur?!" Alfred shouted in surprise, he hadn't expected the others to get here, especially past the all the defenses and secret doors.

 
 

"H-How...?" Ivan asked completely bewildered, not at all expecting this twist.

 
 

"Zat is not what we'll talk about...get off my Mathieu!!" Francis shouted from beside Arthur.

 
 

Taking a second to gather himself, Ivan got off of the Canadian slowly guns pointed at his head. Several officers came in and pushed the tall Russian against the wall where they disarmed him and put him in handcuffs.

 
 

Francis immediately rushed over to his little brother and started untying him, helping the shaking younger man put on his coat since his own clothes were cut up. Arthur did the same for Alfred, handing him his over coat after helping him get off the seat he'd be strapped too.

 
 

"Now you are going to have a long and detailed explanation why you thought this was a good idea to the UN and I don't think they'll be particularly merciful with their punishment." Arthur growled. He nodded to the Police who dragged the swearing Russian away.

 
 

Alfred leant heavily on Arthur as he helped him out of this nightmare. Matthew had tried to walk but his nerves were too shocked so he ended up being carried by Francis instead.

 
 

作者的话:Epilogue will be later <3

 
 The one without sin is the bearer of the cross [epilog]



Awaking to the afternoon sun in his eyes and the soft comfort of his bed had been so pleasant that Alfred thought that perhaps he had been killed by the Russian and not saved by his elder brother (or that perhaps the entire ordeal had been a dream.) Lazily he opened his eyes and looked about his eyes falling on his brother's sleeping face. "Matthew..." he mumbled, his voice rough from the screaming he'd done the previous day, his brother stirring despite that.

 
 

"Alfred?" Matthew asked his eyes opening slowly to him. He looked half-beaten with dark rings around his eyes.

 
 

"Matthew..." Alfred replied his own eyes filling with pain. He'd been the reason his brother suffered that horrible incident. He looked away from his brother in shame and self-loathing.

 
 

"Alfred...?" Matthew asked again, reaching out and grabbing his southern brother's wrist. "I...I'm sorry..." he whispered when the American did not answer.

 
 

"Sorry?!" Alfred shouted finally looking at his northern brother. "What in hell do you have to be sorry for!?! What Ivan did is not your fault!!"

 
 

Flinching at the tone Matthew let go of the arm and curled in on himself away from his brother's body.

 
 

Instantly regretting yelling Alfred covered Matt's body with his own, feeling the younger tremble from the moment he touched him. "Matthew...I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you...I should have protected you..."

 
 

"I should have been stronger...had better defense...none of this would have happened if I wasn't such a fucking pacifist!" Matthew cut Alfred off with his own self-loathing. He trembled even harder, curling into himself and closing his eyes tightly. "I'm a weakness to you...people can use me against you...I'm just..."

 
 

"How can you even say that Matthew!" Alfred nearly shouted but managed to stop himself when he realized that he was only causing the other to flinch tighter. Instead he hugged his Canadian brother tighter, kissing his neck. "It's because you're here that I can find peace and...someone who protects me."

 
 

"How is getting my stupid ass kidnapped and then used as leverage against you 'protecting' you." Matthew asked with a shaking sob.

 
 

"You protect me from myself, when I'm in danger you're always there pulling me out of the mess I threw myself into." Alfred answered softly, "You've always been there...and I'm just so glad that bastard didn't get to...hurt you fully."

 
 

Slowly un-tensing Matthew looked back at his older brother. "But I..."

 
 

"No buts Canada...Matthew, just as much as you're there for me I'll be there for you too." Alfred said kissing the Canadian's cheek, "I love you and I'm sorry for letting that happen to you."

 
 

Looking back into eyes identical to his own Matthew slowly turned and embraced his brother. "I...I'm sorry too."

 
 

"Then let's both forgive one another and go kick the shit out of that Russian bastard." Alfred with a smirk.

 
 

"That would...be nice," Matthew said with a small smile, "but in a while...right now I just want to lay here."

 
 

"Then lay as long as you want." Alfred said and though he knew what happened would not be dealt with so easily at least they had each other's comfort.

 
 

Outside the room Francis and England stood with the North American brother's breakfast on trays. "And here I thought that we should be worried...what with them both waking up and screaming all night long." Arthur sighed with a tired smile.

 
 

"Let's leave zem pour un moment longer, zey need zeir rest." Francis said with his own smile.


---原文结束---


回复(没有全贴):

 
Re: The one without sin is the bearer of the cross [8/?]

(Anonymous)

2009-02-02 04:29 am (UTC) (Link)

Gaaah. This was great. Poor Matthew: but I'm happy that Ivan didn't get at him too much, and I thought Francis's attention to Matthew was adorable!

 
 

Good job! I can't wait for the epilogue!

 
Re: The one without sin is the bearer of the cross [8/?]

(Anonymous)

2009-02-04 03:00 am (UTC) (Link)

Boo..I'm wondering if I'll do it. This meme seems dead now and several fils I've made no one's said anything, not even ops >3>

 
Re: The one without sin is the bearer of the cross [8/?]

(Anonymous)

2009-02-04 04:07 am (UTC) (Link)

Are you kidding me??

 
 

Not the anon from above that you were responding to, but I absolutely ADORE this fill, it's one of my favourites in the whole meme!!

This Canadanon has been super-eagerly awaiting the exciting conclusion...

 
 

P-please don't leave us without closure! What will it take to change your mind?? I'll give you every internet in my posession, and as many firstborns as you desire...

 
 

Just, please reconsider? *puppy dog eyes*

 
 

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

 
Re: The one without sin is the bearer of the cross [8/?]

(Anonymous)

2009-02-04 05:40 pm (UTC) (Link)

Please do reconsider D: This fic is great and I'd be really sad to see it go without closure ; ;

 
 

Like the person above I've been eagerly awaiting each part <3

 
Author!anon

(Anonymous)

2009-02-07 04:28 am (UTC) (Link)

Ah well I suppose I could do it then (just this one though)

 
Re: Author!anon

(Anonymous)

2009-02-07 05:35 am (UTC) (Link)

YAY much <3 ^^

 
Re: The one without sin is the bearer of the cross [8/?]

(Anonymous)

2009-02-11 12:57 am (UTC) (Link)

This story was really so awesome!!

 
 

Don't quit DDD: We need more awesome writers!!

  

 


Re: The one without sin is the bearer of the cross [epilog]

(Anonymous)

2009-02-11 06:59 am (UTC) (Link)

OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD

 
 

Such a sweet ending! My heart melted at the relaxing cuteness. Personally, I don't even enjoy Alfred/Matthew interactions that much (I think partly because I find them stressful) but dear god I loved this scene!

 
 

This entire story was epic! Thank you so much for finishing this! It's really good, and if I get any friends into liking Hetalia, I'll recommend this fanfic to them!

 
Re: The one without sin is the bearer of the cross [epilog]

(Anonymous)

2009-02-11 03:54 pm (UTC) (Link)

thank you...I may release it to another site I don't think I'll put it on Hetalia

 
Re: The one without sin is the bearer of the cross [epilog]

(Anonymous)

2009-02-12 02:11 am (UTC) (Link)

So sweet <3 this story is incredible, thank you for finishing it :D

  

----- 

【转载者的话:由于Lof的编辑限制,原文中的斜体字在这里改为加粗字体。如果有啥错误,一定要留言告诉我哦。 】



Allodo

Lines | Livejournal 点梗文章转载

北米双子Livejournal 点梗文转载


中文的点梗,填梗介绍来自《Livejournal上那些北米双子填梗文推荐》。


点梗+填梗2篇:Russia rape 了Canada,强迫America观看。(冷/战时期,那时候确实是Ame把Can拽进来这个局中的,所以Ivan那句话说的没错。一共两篇填梗文。梗和文共享一个链接)(如果用电脑看,第二篇还有配图)这两篇,第一篇比第二篇行文更粗/暴。


原梗+填梗文链接:

https://hetalia-kink.livejournal.com/3274.html?thread=3148234#t3148234

(Anonymous)...

北米双子Livejournal 点梗文转载


中文的点梗,填梗介绍来自《Livejournal上那些北米双子填梗文推荐》。


点梗+填梗2篇:Russia rape 了Canada,强迫America观看。(冷/战时期,那时候确实是Ame把Can拽进来这个局中的,所以Ivan那句话说的没错。一共两篇填梗文。梗和文共享一个链接)(如果用电脑看,第二篇还有配图)这两篇,第一篇比第二篇行文更粗/暴。


原梗+填梗文链接:

https://hetalia-kink.livejournal.com/3274.html?thread=3148234#t3148234

(Anonymous)

2009-01-15 05:01 pm (UTC) 

点梗:This is probably going to be a bit dark, but it can't be helped.


Russia/Canada + US- Russia noncons/dubcons Canada and makes US watch. No prefs. on which names used.

 
第一篇填梗文:

 Lines

(Anonymous)

2009-01-16 10:01 am (UTC) 

作者的话: I hope by noncon, you mean RAEP, cause that seems to be what wrote itself. I'm not quite sure when this is set, either. Cold war AU, maybe? I need to go write something super fluffy now. I've written way too many rape fics...


---原文开始---

 
Lines [1/2]


Blackness receded from America’s consciousness.

 

“He’s awa-ake,” Russia crooned softly, the words pounding into his head like a set of daggers.

 
 

“No,” replied a broken, whispery voice.

 
 

America peeled open his eyes, despite every fibre of his being wanting to drop back down into that comforting darkness. The room wasn’t that much brighter. It seemed to be built out of stone brick, illuminated by several yellowing bare bulbs.

 
 

He was strapped to a filthy cot. Fisting his hands, he attempted to break the rope, but it was quite strong. He was, however, able to lift his head.

 
 

Russia sat in a chair at the end of the cot, one leg crossed over the other, his elbow propped on the armrest, and his chin resting on the palm of his hand. He almost absently tapped a gun against his cheek. In his other hand he held a fist full of wavy blond hair, holding up the head of a naked and bruised man kneeling on the dirt floor, his hands tied behind his back.

 
 

“G-go back to sleep, Al,” Canada told him, trying to sound brave, although his voice trembled. Tears tracked streaks through the grime on his cheeks, but he managed to lift his lips in what was supposed to be an encouraging smile.

 
 

“Let him go, Ivan,” America snapped, hiding his fear behind anger. “This isn’t about him. It’s about you and me.”

 
 

“Oh, I don’t know,” Russia replied with a smile, running the muzzle of the gun underneath Canada’s soft chin. “He built lines against me. Lines. We touch, you know. Just like you two. More lines. Drawn in the sand.”

 
 

His violet gaze locked with America’s. “Perhaps I want him to touch me more.” Not taking his gaze away, he forced Canada’s head between his thighs.

 

America seethed, his muscles burning as he again attempted to escape. “Don’t you fucking touch him.” 
 

Russia pressed the gun barrel to Canada’s temple, and America heard the other man quickly swallow a sob. “You brought him in, America.”

 

“Al, wait.” Canada raised his eyes to the man above him. “If I do this, will you let him go?”

 

Russia smiled, his eyes hooded, unreadable. “Depends on how good you are.”

 

Canada nodded, and using his teeth, began to undo Russia’s belt.

 

“Matt, no,” America gasped.

 

Russia merely smirked and sat back, using the barrel of the gun to stroke Canada’s wavy hair as the man slowly undid Russia’s pants with his bruised mouth.

 

A single tear leaked out of the corner of his eye, but other than that, Canada’s face was blank as he pulled down Russia’s zipper, releasing the man’s semi-flaccid cock, as large and pale as the rest of him. He paused momentarily, then closed his eyes and ran his tongue up the length.

 

America could only watch in helpless horror as Canada licked the other man’s shaft until it turned hard and almost an angry purple. Russia was back to stroking the gun on his own cheek, his fingers playing almost fondly in Canada’s wavy hair.

 

Canada knelt a little higher to get a better angle and slid the huge head into his mouth. The only sounds in the room were soft slurps as Canada’s head bobbed between Russia’s thighs while Russia curled the blond strands of Canada's hair around his fingers. Suddenly, he pushed down, so that his cock pushed into the back of Canada’s throat.

 

Canada made a muffled noise of pain and protest, and as soon as Russia let him go, he collapsed away from him, hacking and coughing noisily, spittle flying from his mouth.

 
Lines [2/2]

(Anonymous)

2009-01-16 10:02 am (UTC) (Link)


“I’m bored.” Then, that slow smile oozed across Russia’s face again. “I think Alfred is bored too, aren’t you?”

 

Without waiting for an answer, he stood up from the chair, leaving his pants open around his waist, and dragged Canada from the floor, throwing him face down on top of America.

 

He slammed into Canada’s ass without preparation or warning, forcing a strangled screech of pain from the poor man’s throat. Tears overflowed his eyes, dripping onto America’s chin.
 

“I’m going to fucking kill you,” America snarled through clenched teeth, trying to keep his own tears at bay. Helpless, like a fucking child.

 

Russia laughed as he fucked the boneless Canada. “Is that right?” He dragged his fingers through the blood dripping down Canada’s leg, and reached around to smear two lines of it onto America’s chest.

 

“Almost like your flag, isn’t it, Matthew?” he rasped with a laugh into his ear. “But it’s missing a colour. White, right? Why don’t you cum, make your little flag complete?”

 

Canada could only sob a response, the pain was so intense.

 

Russia’s expression turned petulant, and he propped his gun onto America’s temple. “You finish your flag,” he hissed, clicking the safety, “or I’ll make him into mine. And you know the colour of my flag. All red. Your choice. You cum on Al’s chest, or I splatter his brains on my pillow.”

 

“It’s okay, Matt,” Al whispered, his voice sounding steady even as his lips shook. He tried to kiss away some of the tears that rolled steadily down Canada’s cheeks. “It’s just you and me.” America kissed him, tangling his tongue, trying not to be repulsed by the taste of dirt and sweat and rankness of Russia.

 

Canada cried something into his mouth; it might have been a plea for forgiveness, it might have just been his name, but then their hips were moving together.

 

“That’s it,” America told him, as Canada panted, his face flushed, streaked with dirt and tears and saliva. He kissed him again, pressing himself into Canada. It felt like an eternity later, each second a year long, but then he felt Canada shiver and sob into his mouth.

 
 

He felt the cold muzzle leave his forehead and suddenly, Canada collapsed onto his chest, his shoulders wracking in silent sobs.

 
 

Russia smiled, and licked his gun, tucking himself away into his pants. “That was good enough,” he said. He kissed the back of Canada’s head almost lovingly. “Your flag is beautiful.”

 
 

His laughter echoed in the room long after he was gone.


---原文结束---


回复 Re: Lines [1/2]

(Anonymous)

2009-01-18 05:14 pm (UTC)

Oh this is hot

 
Re: Lines [1/2]

(Anonymous)

2009-01-19 08:19 am (UTC) 

Absolutely beautiful, writer!anon! Canadianon here thinks this is precisely the kind of self-sacrificial attitude she loves and hates in her country. Please, please continue!

 
 

Another small non-OP request: a bit more gunplay and more angsty brutality! (not that I don't adore Canada to death, of course)

 
Re: Lines [1/2]

(Anonymous)

2009-01-19 09:42 am (UTC) (Link)

Sorry, didn't see you already finished! Godly!anon is godly! Thank you!

  


 
Re: [2/2]

(Anonymous)

2009-01-16 10:36 am (UTC) (Link)

That was great. I really liked the flag theme at the end-just dragging in Matthew's own flag and nationality admist going through that.

 
 

It was very dark and wonderful, author anon. Goodjob!

 
Re: [2/2]

(Anonymous)

2009-01-16 11:00 pm (UTC) (Link)

Oh wow. I absolutely loved it- that's about what I was expecting with a request like that, and you pulled it off excellently. Russia was scary! I wanna give Matt and Al a hug now. ;_;

 
 

- OP

 
Re: [2/2]

(Anonymous)

2009-01-17 03:38 am (UTC) (Link)

that was horrifyingly awesome.

 
Re: [2/2]

(Anonymous)

2009-01-21 02:05 am (UTC) (Link)

Oh-ho, anon. Nicely done!

 
Re: [2/2]

(Anonymous)

2009-01-25 06:23 pm (UTC) (Link)

Ohhhhhhh.... Alfred comforting Matt like that.... Thumbs way up, Anon.

 
Re: [2/2]

(Anonymous)

2011-02-27 12:24 am (UTC) (Link)

fffffffffffffffffffaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawkkkkkk.

I read volumes of rapetruck!Russia and none have ever been quite as...rapetruck-y as this. This is the epitome of rapetruck!Russia, I believe; Russian noncon at its finest.

 
 

Ilu. :'D

 
 

(reCaptcha says: stionara 1968:. Hmmm...)

 -----

【这篇超级硬核的+如果有啥错误,一定要留言告诉我哦。由于Lof的编辑限制,原文中的斜体字在这里改为加粗字体。 】

昼瑭

【北极组】上帝的礼物

伊万x马修,18x,沙苏露同体,强制囚禁粗口道具。走肾走心单箭头。放了开头链接自寻。(在那一长串_里)

二战庆功宴上加/拿/大悄无声息地失踪了。


胜利,彻头彻尾的胜利。

伊万将杯中红酒一饮而尽,虽然不满于其口味,仍配合地在众人拍照留念时给出一个笑容。这群愚蠢的、无知的人们,甚至没有发现他们的珍宝已经悄然失踪——噢,他忘了,那只是他所爱着的珍宝,在他们眼中却可有可无。

不过,也正因如此,那才是独属于自己的宝贝。

伊万拍拍在一旁等候着的托里斯的肩膀,后者把已经醉成一团的莱维斯和爱德华拖到另一辆车上,紧张地跑来询问他是否需要自己帮忙开车。他摆摆手让人离开。那一点酒精根本不会有什么影响,...

伊万x马修,18x,沙苏露同体,强制囚禁粗口道具。走肾走心单箭头。放了开头链接自寻。(在那一长串_里)

二战庆功宴上加/拿/大悄无声息地失踪了。


胜利,彻头彻尾的胜利。

伊万将杯中红酒一饮而尽,虽然不满于其口味,仍配合地在众人拍照留念时给出一个笑容。这群愚蠢的、无知的人们,甚至没有发现他们的珍宝已经悄然失踪——噢,他忘了,那只是他所爱着的珍宝,在他们眼中却可有可无。

不过,也正因如此,那才是独属于自己的宝贝。

伊万拍拍在一旁等候着的托里斯的肩膀,后者把已经醉成一团的莱维斯和爱德华拖到另一辆车上,紧张地跑来询问他是否需要自己帮忙开车。他摆摆手让人离开。那一点酒精根本不会有什么影响,现在更重要的,是在后备箱里昏迷着被捆缚住的加拿大少年。

长围巾的末端在风中猎猎作响,伊万打开驾驶座的门,驶向苏联大使馆安排的酒店。

他迫不及待要享用他的猎物了。


_________________________


end.


算是北夏的番外,如果有人看的话,这是剧透)


在下名叫微白生

是阿怨翻译Giving in里的第十八章中的片段!


没有取得原作者的授权(不会翻墙)

如果侵犯到原作者的权利,请告知,我会删掉文章道歉

因为觉得Giving in是一篇很好的文章,翻到后彻底锁死在北极组冷圈,画这个也是想让更多人看到这篇良作。

真的,我吹爆它啊啊!(๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

Giving in现已完结,lof里有,有部分被锁住,现由阿怨在解锁


是阿怨翻译Giving in里的第十八章中的片段!



没有取得原作者的授权(不会翻墙)

如果侵犯到原作者的权利,请告知,我会删掉文章道歉

因为觉得Giving in是一篇很好的文章,翻到后彻底锁死在北极组冷圈,画这个也是想让更多人看到这篇良作。

真的,我吹爆它啊啊!(๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

Giving in现已完结,lof里有,有部分被锁住,现由阿怨在解锁


Amethyst Eyes
搞完 快乐 - 有露加+法加...

搞完 快乐

-

有露加+法加 注意避雷

(其实本来左边还有个米加暗示的但是放在一起实在是太突破我的底线了……于是就没敢搞了(其实是懒(而且自己很喜欢这个三人组

(毕竟以前还是洁癖超--重的

(有bug 不想改

搞完 快乐

-

有露加+法加 注意避雷

(其实本来左边还有个米加暗示的但是放在一起实在是太突破我的底线了……于是就没敢搞了(其实是懒(而且自己很喜欢这个三人组

(毕竟以前还是洁癖超--重的

(有bug 不想改

空城旧巷

特别萌这个cp!但是好冷啊!

特别萌这个cp!但是好冷啊!

Z

【北极组】多巴胺劫持(中)(R18)

字数:8k+

组合:北极组(露加)

要素警告:R18,含有暴力、流血、毒品相关、不健全表现的描写,含有较直接的性描写。基调非常黑暗,谨慎阅读!!!我人类失格、抱头蹲防、已经自闭,拒绝谈人生


由于一些原因锁定中篇内容,冻结下篇发布计划。暂无解锁预定


字数:8k+

组合:北极组(露加)

要素警告:R18,含有暴力、流血、毒品相关、不健全表现的描写,含有较直接的性描写。基调非常黑暗,谨慎阅读!!!我人类失格、抱头蹲防、已经自闭,拒绝谈人生


由于一些原因锁定中篇内容,冻结下篇发布计划。暂无解锁预定


在下名叫微白生

童话风,主北极,含北米,味音痴

occ预警,雷点慎入,

欢迎收看儿童连环画,画渣预警

童话风,主北极,含北米,味音痴

occ预警,雷点慎入,

欢迎收看儿童连环画,画渣预警

Z

【北极组】多巴胺劫持(上)(R15)

字数:9k+

组合:北极组(露加)

要素警告:R15,含有流血、毒品相关、不健全表现的描写。基调比较黑暗,谨慎阅读。


这几天快到凌晨三点的时候,伊万就走到隔离室外面,敲敲门上的玻璃窗户,也不管马修有没有反应,直接用指纹打开门锁,迈步走进去。马修往往一动不动地蜷缩在床对面的墙角里,远离把房间锁死的铁门。他要不无声无息地把头埋在膝盖和手臂之间,要不就自虐般的掐和咬着自己的右手臂——手臂上落满了密密麻麻的青紫色针眼,手腕处还有一道明显是利器割开的已经缝合的伤疤。

伊万看着那些在长年累月看守生涯中已经见惯了的摄入毒品的证明,甚至能轻易想象它们产生时的场景:那些人把马修绑在椅子上,用针管扎进...

字数:9k+

组合:北极组(露加)

要素警告:R15,含有流血、毒品相关、不健全表现的描写。基调比较黑暗,谨慎阅读。


这几天快到凌晨三点的时候,伊万就走到隔离室外面,敲敲门上的玻璃窗户,也不管马修有没有反应,直接用指纹打开门锁,迈步走进去。马修往往一动不动地蜷缩在床对面的墙角里,远离把房间锁死的铁门。他要不无声无息地把头埋在膝盖和手臂之间,要不就自虐般的掐和咬着自己的右手臂——手臂上落满了密密麻麻的青紫色针眼,手腕处还有一道明显是利器割开的已经缝合的伤疤。

伊万看着那些在长年累月看守生涯中已经见惯了的摄入毒品的证明,甚至能轻易想象它们产生时的场景:那些人把马修绑在椅子上,用针管扎进他被紧紧缚在椅背上的手腕里,也有可能是先把他打晕,然后把海洛因注射进他的静脉……一个月前恐怖袭击中的恐怖分子不像以往一样直接放火、枪杀和引爆炸弹,他们流水作业,把海洛因注射在人质分布在肘窝、舌下的血管内,迫使他们染上毒瘾。很长时间的对峙后恐怖分子盘踞的大厦被破获,警察冲进去时,人质们在被关押的房间里拼命敲打房门,一边哭嚎、尖叫一边无法自控地流出眼泪和唾液,疯抢着恐怖分子赏赐般从外面丢进来的一小支针管。

这些事情伊万统统没有亲眼见到,是听出警的人说的。但他全部都可以按照以前的经验想象出来,包括他们描述发现马修时的细节:他们在一个单独的办公室发现了这个年轻人。马修被绑在一张椅子上,很明显他已经被绑了很久,被束缚的手腕已经呈现出绛紫色。他们试图把失去意识的马修从椅子上解下来,才发觉他右手腕上有很深的一条口子,破烂的皮肉里几乎能看见腕动脉,仍然不断有血滴到椅子下面。

割腕可是很难死人的,不用担心。医生说,对伊万晃了晃手里的塑料封口袋,里面装着一块染血的碎玻璃。——在他手里发现的碎片。我推测这个伤口是他自己割开的,但是我不知道为什么他不割绳子而要自杀,或许这个情报对你有用。

谢了。伊万微笑,心里则轻飘飘地想:这的确有用,虽然算不上什么大用。无非是绝望罢了。无论是被迫的可怜虫还是主动伸手的蠢货,染上毒瘾的人只分为两种:一种是相信自己能够戒掉的乐观派的傻瓜,一种是对失去出路的人生绝望了的胆小鬼。在马修从医院转来这里的第一天,伊万看着这个有着一双和他颜色相同的眼睛、一张漂亮又柔软的脸的年轻人沉默着走进隔离室,在锁上门的同时,他当然也就随手就把马修归入了第二种人里面。

他已经见多了这些家伙的下场。在这个特殊的看守所里,没有军队化的管教和劳务,也没有任何一个囚犯像人一样活着。他们在清醒时要不愤怒诅咒这个见了他妈的鬼的世界,要不就像个幽灵一样呆滞地坐在自己的隔离室里。而一旦毒瘾发作,他们就变成了世界上最奴颜媚骨、最低三下四乃至最狂暴凶残的人,对看守者乞求、咒骂、威胁,只为了一针溶解在水里的白粉。没有谁逃脱出这个恶性循环,伊万一直这么认为,直到那天晚上三点多的时候,他新的看守对象出现了戒断症状,毒瘾让马修不断干呕、流泪、抱着头在地上打滚,最后开始撞击墙面。伊万不得不干预,他在监控警报中睡意朦胧地打开门,晃晃脑袋大步走过去,抓住马修的胳膊,凭借自己一向出色的体格轻而易举把他反剪着按在了地上。

“这个时间点太糟糕啦,我还在睡觉呢。”伊万揉揉眼睛,“老实点哦。”

他说着,撇撇嘴,也做好了准备面对马修失控地向他哀声乞求索要毒品,他虽然不会给他,但他喜欢别人哭着求他的样子。当然,他也有可能会收到字眼肮脏的愤怒咒骂——没事儿,万尼亚都习惯啦,全当听不见就好了。然而什么也没有发生。马修什么也没有说。伊万垂下眼睛看了一眼,马修还是无法自制地在流泪,戒断症状控制了他的泪腺,让地面很快被打湿了一大片。他没有焦点的视线直直望向旁边的地面。

“对不起。”

听见对方被生理性疼痛带得有些变调的声音,伊万下意识应了一声,在反应过来对方说了什么之后困惑地歪了歪头。但他随即听见对方发出一声仿佛是从喉咙里窜上来的痛苦的呜咽,马修又一次试图去撞地面,伊万腾出右手按住他的后脑勺。他的手指陷入对方浅金色的头发里,柔软的触感和马修那张脸、那个嗓音给他的感觉一样。伊万忽然有些莫名的羡慕,马修一看就是在阳光下成长起来的孩子,他总觉得他的脸上和身上带着一种他喜欢的温软的感觉。嗯,奇怪,他也不知道为什么自己要用孩子这个词来形容对方,他手里有对方的档案和详细信息,马修只比他小上两岁,他们几乎可以算是同龄人。但伊万成长于暴力丛生的贫民窟,他在父母软弱无力的庇护下见惯了抢劫、绑架、杀人和淫掠,吸毒贩毒只是他见识到的黑暗世界的一部分。所以他想,把这个看起来像是在温室里生长起来的向日葵的年轻人称之为孩子也没有错吧?一个暖洋洋的柔软的孩子,遭遇到了这样明明是他已经见惯的事情,伊万也忽然感觉稍稍心软了一下。

“头很疼吗?”

“……嗯……呜。”马修的声音破碎成一节一节的抽噎声,伊万也不清楚他是在回答自己还是单纯在哭,于是伊万不再说话,只是手上加力稳稳地按住对方,阻止马修时而因为无法忍耐的反抗。戒断会带来呕吐、泪腺失控、全身骨骼和肌肉酸痛等症状,有的毒瘾过重的人甚至会在强烈的戒断反应下心力衰竭而死,这时就只好给他们来一针美沙酮或者丁丙诺啡,帮助他们度过急性戒断反应期。

但这样做无异于饮鸩止渴,后续的成瘾会更难戒除。而他这次接手的马修事实上还没有对毒品产生压倒性的身体依赖。那些恐怖分子注射的海洛因纯度和剂量都不是很高,大概出于他们需要分散注射给这么多人质的原因。马修现在的戒断症状更多来自对毒品的精神依赖,也就是所谓的“多巴胺劫持”。——他最好可以硬抗过去。

马修在他手下用力挣扎,左手腕被伊万掐出了红色的指印,偶尔抬起一点又被按下去的额头磕碰着地板。但他唯独没有说话,只是发出疼痛难耐的呜咽,就算伊万总以为他在下一刻就要开口乞求给他来一针海洛因。直到这次发作结束,伊万松开手,拉了马修一把,看着对方靠着墙坐在地上精疲力尽地喘气。他干脆也坐下去:“马修·威廉姆斯……是吧?我就叫你马修了哦。”伊万歪歪头,“刚才你不想要海洛因吗?应该想要的吧?”

听了他的话,马修绞紧双手:“……嗯。”

“那你为什么不开口向我要呢?”

伊万是第一次遇见没有为了毒品痛哭流涕地求他的人,况且马修看上去也不像意志坚硬得如同一块冥顽不化的花岗岩。虽然有点好奇,但不知怎地,他同时感到了一丝遗憾。

他没有得到回答,只能看到对方那双浅紫色的眼睛里浮现出苦痛的神色,一言不发地拧着自己的手指。交流就这样中止了,伊万耸耸肩,起身走出隔离室,回头看见马修仍然坐在原地,于是他理了理自己的围巾,关上了门。

在最初的五天,马修几乎没有和伊万说过完整的句子。他们唯一的交流只有凌晨三点左右毒瘾发作的时候,马修疼痛难耐,多巴胺期待着海洛因的快感,浑身的细胞都在过剩的期待值中叫嚣和震颤。原本睡意朦胧的伊万逐渐习惯了作息调整,于是他把手插在大衣口袋里,悠哉游哉地走到在地上翻滚的马修身边,轻轻松松把对方自残般的举动压制住。马修除了呜咽、抽泣和偶尔失控地哭出声,其余时候只是不时在嘴里咬着几个字眼:对不起。对不起。

他是在对自己道歉吗?伊万觉得不像,马修没有任何理由向他道歉,当时他们认识才不到五天,而且,伊万甚至怀疑马修还不知道自己的名字。当然,他并不在意这些他根本瞧不上的囚徒是否知道他的名字,但伊万对马修声泪俱下的样子挺感兴趣,如果对方能哭喊着他的名字求他,那肯定会很有意思。

 

只是这孩子着实不怎么和他说话,也等不到对方求他,伊万觉得有些没趣。

第五天晚上,或许是出现了发作峰值,马修终于崩溃了,在来势凶猛的戒断症状中无法自制地哀声哭叫,伊万一不小心没按住,让马修在墙上撞破了他自己的脑袋。他着实有些不耐烦,干脆用床单把马修带着还未拆线的伤痕的手腕反绑在床脚上。

他难得腾出了手,偏头想了想,坐在地上,饶有兴趣地观察眼前这张满是泪痕的脸。刚才磕破的伤口渗出血来,沿着太阳穴和眼角混杂进眼泪里。他看着对方泛红的眼眶和湿漉漉的瞳孔,大概算是恶趣味的兴致又被勾上来了。他真的很想看马修求他的样子。

伊万从兜里摸出一管针剂,在马修面前晃了晃:“马修,你看这个。马修?”发现对方只是低着头一味哭泣,伊万伸手捏着他的下巴,强迫他看着自己,“我在和你说话哦。”

马修半张着嘴,眼神涣散,唾液腺分泌的液体从嘴角渗出。但是当伊万把针套取下来后,他没有焦点的眼神渐渐凝聚在伊万手中针剂的针头上。针头唤起了奖励机制的反应,用预计中可能获得的愉快感劫持了他的思维活动。

虽然伊万手中的并不是海洛因,而是戒断药物丁丙诺啡。但他不会告诉马修,只是笑眯眯地按了按推进器:“想要吗?”

这种诱惑几乎是致命的。伊万看着马修眼中颤动的瞳孔,简直能看到对方理智崩塌的过程。于是他抛出了自己的条件:“我可以给你……只要你求我。”

事实上他只是在说谎。就算马修求他,他大概也是不会给他注射的。伊万一如既往感觉自己像个恶棍。

“我……”马修吐出一个音节后就顿住了。他盯着伊万左手拿着的东西,紧促地呼吸,眼泪前赴后继滑落到伊万捏着他下巴的手上。大概一分钟的样子,也可能两分钟,马修紧紧闭上了眼睛,把头扭向一边。

按理来说伊万应该很开心,因为这样子表现坚决的看守对象会让他的工作变得比较轻松。但此时他所感受到的只有计划没有得逞的失望,他不相信此时的马修能抵抗针管的诱惑,于是解开对方被捆起来的手。

“在这里哦。”他把针管扔在不远处的地板上,看着马修死死抱着自己的脑袋哭叫,却蜷缩起身子让自己远离伊万丢下的东西。但是不出意外,失去外界的束缚后,他在一段时间的抵抗中败下阵来,连滚带爬抓住了那支针管,不管不顾地扎向自己的右臂。在针头扎进血管前,伊万踩上他的左手,阻止了这发疯的举动。他不紧不慢地弯腰捡起那支滚落到一边的丁丙诺啡。

“你还没求我呢。”他移开自己的皮鞋,俯视着马修。后者看着伊万手里的针管,像是被抽空了全身的力气,无力地捂住了自己的脸。他好像在说什么。伊万听不清,于是蹲下身子,然而并不是他所期待的乞求。

又在说对不起。你到底在对谁说啊。

那是发作的尾期,噩梦很快就告一段落了,戒断症状像潮水一样退去。尽管有些失望,伊万还是像往常一样转身准备离开。出乎意料地,背后的马修出声叫住了他,声音由于刚才的过度哭喊而变得嘶哑:“布拉金斯基先生……”

原来马修知道他的名字,当然也有可能只知道他的姓。

“叫我伊万就可以哦。”伊万看了看坐在地上的马修,“怎么了?”

“刚才那个……不是海洛因吧?”

“为什么这么想?”

“因为这里是看守所。”

嗯,聪明的孩子。伊万眼也不眨地撒谎:“但是那个就是海洛因哦。我想搞到海洛因可不难。”

“是吗。”马修看着他,眼神恍惚,然后垂下头,紧紧握住自己刚才用力挣扎时被床单磨破的右手腕。他就相信自己的话了吗?伊万走过去拿开他的手:“你手上还有伤哦,别掐了。——哎呀,流血了。”马修手腕上那条可怕的伤疤一直没能愈合,此时它又裂开了,渗出一滴又一滴鲜红的血珠。

“我……我都做了什么啊……”

马修低声说。

“……布拉金斯基先生。”

“怎么了?”伊万也懒得再纠正对方的称呼。

“如果、如果下次再发生这种事情,请一定不要给我打那个。”

“但是很难受吧?虽然按理来说你的毒瘾还没彻底成型,不过每个人的个体反应不同,你也有可能在戒断中出现心力衰竭反应。那样子的话还是得给你来一针,不然可能会死掉哦。”

“那就请让我死掉好了。”

这次伊万看清了,马修那双浅紫色的眸子里深藏的不只是苦痛,还有深切的自厌。真像啊,简直一模一样。伊万想。他曾经也在镜子里见过如出一辙的自我厌恶的眼睛,在五六年前……那时候他就开始接触软毒品、喝廉价的伏特加,试图麻醉自己,但伊万总是能轻而易举地从这些成瘾品的多巴胺劫持机制中脱身而出。它们麻醉不了他,只能让他觉得冷,就算是烧灼食道的烈酒也只会让他感到冷。不知怎的,他有些怀念地想起每次抓住马修手臂或是手腕的时候,他柔软的皮肤上总是带着暖和的温度,和自己总是冰冷冷的四肢截然不同。

如果这样的温度在心脏停跳、供氧终止下消失,他觉得实在可惜。

更可惜的是他还没有听到马修求他。

 

当天后半夜的时候伊万做了一个梦,梦见几个小时前马修被他绑在床脚上的时候。梦里的马修和现实中一样哭泣着,蒙了一层水色的淡紫色眼睛神志不清,被咬得发红的嘴唇开合着哀求自己:求你……给我海洛因……求求你了……伊万……

伊万从这几乎带着几分情色气息的梦中惊醒,浑身上下都渗出了汗水。他躺在宽大而硌人的木板床上,睁开眼睛望着光源缺失中什么也看不清的天花板,意识还贪恋着那种愉悦的观感,然后摸了摸自己被汗水打湿的短发,就连自己头发扎手的触感都让他想起马修比向日葵颜色稍浅一点的、柔软的发丝。伊万叹了口气,掀开被子,趿拉着小熊拖鞋走到书桌前,把桌子上磨砂瓶子的伏特加揣进睡衣口袋。他就这样走出了房间。

他的宿舍要穿过一条回廊才能走到隔离室所在的建筑。快到凌晨五点了,路上空无一人,过道上的灯孤零零地亮着。伊万的脚步声在走廊里空荡荡地回响,最后停在71号隔离室前。

他验证了指纹,小心翼翼地打开门,轻手轻脚走进去。关上门后房间里一片昏暗,他走到床边,蹲下身子,发觉马修睡在本就摆放在角落的床上贴着角落的那一边,背靠墙壁,在被子下蜷起身子。伊万试着戳了戳马修,在对方没有被惊醒的情况下直接把手掌贴在他脸上。真的,非常暖和。他想不明白这是为什么。

伊万轻轻抚摸他的脸,然后抚上马修柔软的头发。无论柔软还是温暖,都是他喜欢的感觉。他又想起了自己糟糕的梦。他早已能波澜不惊地接受自己心里漆黑的一面、接受那些阴暗的念头,但他还需要一点时间来思考自己到底想从马修身上得到什么。

他收回手,靠着床坐下,拿出口袋里的伏特加,有一口没一口地喝起来。

光线逐渐从铁栅栏和厚厚的窗帘外顽强钻了进来,光秃秃的墙壁上黑色挂钟时针指向七点,伊万听见身后拉动被子的声音。他转过头,又喝了一口酒:“醒了多久了?”

“……五分钟。”马修迟疑地说。他又拉了拉被子,因为寒颤紧紧缩成一团。伊万晃了晃手里的伏特加:“来点吗?”

马修点了点头,半坐起来。明明已经在制止时抓过很多次,但是伊万此时才觉得他伸出的手臂已经比第一天消瘦了不少。马修拿过瓶子,灌了两口,因为喝得太快而咳嗽起来。伊万拍拍他的背,拿回瓶子,对着瓶口继续喝。

“马修,你知道吗?酒精也是成瘾品。人的脑子里有一个部分会在一些活动——比如说喝酒——之后,分泌引起愉快感的物质。然后下次想到酒,那个部分就开始期待对应的快感,并催促你去摄取作为开启快感钥匙的酒精……这时你就被它劫持了,产生了心理依赖。”

“奖励中枢和多巴胺……?”

“对的,那个部分叫奖励中枢,引起愉快感的物质叫多巴胺。”伊万说,“看来你是知道‘多巴胺劫持’的。”

“嗯……”

“海洛因是同一个道理。所以如果你能坚定拒绝这种依赖,很快就能进入康复期了。”

伊万说。他突然意识到,他说出了一个事实,只要马修熬过脱毒期,那很快就能从这里出去了,带着伊万有些恋恋不舍的柔软的触感、温暖的感觉离开这里,还有他没实现的阴暗念头。

“……”马修垂下眼睛,“可以再给我一点吗?”

还剩一两口的瓶子又回到他手中,马修仰头把它喝完。

“谢谢。”

说完这句,马修把空瓶子放在床边地上,望着手腕的血痂发呆。伊万看着马修低垂的侧脸,手心突然开始条件反射地期待那种温软的触感。他有些困惑地把手凑到嘴边,对着掌心哈气,让温度覆盖到皮肤上。

“布拉金斯基先生。”

马修又这么称呼他,伊万忽然觉得有些烦躁不安。他想起自己的梦里,马修哭着叫他“伊万”,然后觉得手里那种对触感的期待感又一次强烈起来。

对方继续说:“可是多巴胺劫持是不会消失的……是吗?”

“嗯?”

“多巴胺劫持是不会消失的。因为愉快感已经被写入反射机制里了,它不会停下产生期待值的动作,所以就算我离开了这里,心理依赖也不可能根除。我……我的话,不可能一直战胜它。”

“你这几天表现得不是很好吗。”

“不……我不行的,我做不到,我……我害怕自己会变成那个样子。”

伊万揉搓自己的手掌,心知肚明他说的那个样子是指那些彻头彻尾掉入了海洛因、可卡因和冰毒漩涡里的人。虽然第一天他就把马修归入第二类人里,但是这种想法也着实悲观得毫无根据,毕竟马修这几天的戒除进展看上去不错。

“你也太瞧不起自己了。”

马修摇摇头,他明显是想起了昨晚的事情,眼中又一次浮现出自我厌恶的神色,无意识地去抓挠手腕上层层叠叠的痂口。

伊万及时制止了他。掌心躁动的皮肤接收到触碰的信号后,终于安静下来。他握着马修瘦骨嶙峋的左手腕,感觉自己血液乃至骨髓里都吸收了这种温度,有什么东西开始蔓延开。

可能是他抓的时候太长了,马修转过头,看了他一眼。“很暖和。”伊万说。正巧这时挨个派发早餐的人打开小窗把东西放进来,他站起来说“我也去吃早饭了哦”,然后离开了隔离室。

门锁在关合后自动扣上,发出咔嚓一声。伊万靠着门,做了个深呼吸,仔仔细细观察自己的手心。他宽大的手掌里清楚蔓延着掌纹,除此之外什么也没有——那种对触感的渴望没有实体,但确确实实存在于他的手中。温软的感觉还停驻在手上,像他舌头下残留的伏特加的味道一样。

 

一整天伊万都显得心不在焉。他干着自己的工作,期间反反复复观察自己的手,像是第一次见到它似的。那些手指用力抓住马修、触摸对方的头发和脸时的记忆在脑子里反弹,手中也对应地产生了幻影似的微弱回味,开始期待下一次的触碰。这种期待逐渐变得稳定、持续且让人焦躁不安,还让他反复回想起昨晚的梦境。

难耐的时间流逝得步履维艰,直到白昼又一次变成黑夜,时间迈过零点、一点、凌晨两点,伊万想着,今天就早点过去好了。然而最高级别的监控警报响了,整个建筑里都回想着尖锐的警告声。公共厅那边有人远远在喊:“71号!”在杂乱的脚步声从那边接近前,伊万已经不假思索跑向了他原本就打算马上过去的地方。

隔离室门口的电子牌上闪着刺眼的红光,而门上的玻璃窗户从内部溅满了血。他两三下打开门,一眼就看见马修正靠着门口左边的墙滑到地上,脖子上的外颈动脉豁开了一条血肉模糊的口子,大量喷溅着鲜红的血液。伊万想也不想,飞速解下自己的围巾,用力压住了那个伤口。

他快速扫视了一眼周围,隔离室里的东西都经过了仔细的考察,不存在任何尖锐的物体,连桌角床角都是圆的。但马修身边落着不少玻璃碎片,被敲碎的伏特加瓶子从他手里掉在地上。他意识尚且清醒,微微偏头,看了伊万一眼:“……对不起。”

这次的确是对他说的,伊万第一次听见马修对象明确地说这句话。但他不知道他这么做的理由。难道是因为耍小花招从他那里弄来了自杀工具?他永远都搞不懂马修到底是因为什么而产生负罪感、不得不一遍又一遍地道歉。

他丢开那半只沾着血的碎酒瓶,握上马修的右手。马修的皮肤依然温暖而柔软,即便上面沾满了血。从触碰开始,伊万手中难耐的期待感就消失了,像是贪食者填满了胃袋、酒鬼吹空了瓶子、瘾君子吸干了一袋白粉——伊万攥紧手中解救他期待感的手,看见血色仍然在蔓延,从马修肩上滑落、染红了衣服。他失去了对自己身体的控制权,只是一味狠命地按住已经被血液浸透的围巾,直到有人用力推了他一把:“伊万,把他放到地上!”

后赶来的医护人员忙而不乱地放平马修,压迫他脖子上的伤口。人们彼此呼喊:“让急救室准备好血袋。”“他是什么血型?——资料卡呢?……”

移动担架床被匆匆忙忙推了进来,围着马修的人把他抬上担架床。伊万仍然不愿意放开手,跟着被推向急救室的担架床一起跑,医护人员在急救室前拦住了他:“等等,这里是手术室……”

伊万一把推开他,昂首阔步走进了急救室。看守所里没有人不知道伊万以往的事迹,因此所有和他对上视线的人都畏惧地避开了眼睛,没有人再阻止他。

护士用碘酒和酒精消毒,把输血的针头埋进马修左手肘窝的血管,麻醉师给他扎上局部麻醉剂。两个医生一边操作一边低声交谈:“伤口里有小块的碎玻璃,先清理出来。”

“把镊子给我。——这应该是用锐器扎出来的,你知道怎么回事吗?”

“应该去问一下监控室,今天值班的人反应可真快。颈动脉快被扎穿了,慢一点就会很危险。”

伊万在一片忙碌中不出声地站在床边。很明显他的存在妨碍到了医生,但他此时全部注意力都在手上。马修在被推进急救室前就失去了意识,他毫无生气地躺着,一直温暖的皮肤终于开始丧失温度。伊万感受到了他握着的那只手逐渐变得和自己一样冰冷……他不想接受,也无法接受他喜欢的这种温度的消失。他向上触摸马修瘦削的手臂、肩膀和下颌,皮肤依然柔软,但温度的缺失让他再次陷入了期待感没有被满足的焦躁之中。

“伊万,你能不能让开一点?”

医生不得不开口了。伊万应了一声,终于放开了手,站到房间角落。

他看着马修,看着输液管里的血液一点一点流进对方的血管里。才放开了十来秒,他沾染着半凝固的血的双手已经再次开始期待温软的触感,期待愉悦的观感……期待感拼命催促自己继续抚摸马修苍白的手臂、打湿的眼睛、带着泪痕的脸,拼命催促自己想办法让马修哭着求他……

 “啊!”

护士短促的惊叫唤回了他的思绪,伊万看见马修突然挣扎起来,要不是助理医生手疾眼快按住了他,他几乎就从手术台上掉下去了。医生满头大汗地拿着染血的手术器械:“太糟糕了,这种时候出现戒断反应……”

手术已经进行了接近一个小时,挂钟的时针越过了“三”。戒断症状把马修从浅层昏迷中拉了回来,他一如既往地开始泪腺失控、浑身疼痛,但他的身体此时大量失血,心脏急促泵动,侧颈上的伤口还没有完全缝合。马修根本无法在这种情况下硬抗过发作期。

伊万连忙走上去帮医生按住马修。就在这么短的时间内,马修颈动脉的口子被他自己挣裂了,血溅到伊万的衣服上。他们七手八脚按住马修的额头和肩膀,还有扎着输液管的左手臂。伊万看着马修神志不清地眨动眼睛,眼泪接二连三冲淡脸上的血,他感到口干舌燥,右手悄悄伸进口袋,摸到了那支针筒。

医生试图继续缝合伤口,但在伤者竭尽全力的挣扎中难以准确下针。护士忙乱地用纱布堵住流血的伤口。

“稳定住心率!”

“该死,麻醉师呢?给他上全麻!”

“你疯了,你能确定他之前六个小时没有进食吗?”

“有丁丙诺啡。”伊万说,从兜里拿出针筒。

他按压推动器排尽里面的空气,心里不可抑制地浮现出阴暗的念头:只要马修熬过脱毒期,那他很快就会从这里离开了……但是,如果他给他注射进这一整管既是戒断药物又可能成瘾的丁丙诺啡……

伊万嘴里发干,几乎被恶念控制了,试图把针头扎进马修的皮肤。出乎意料的是,马修反而无力地抓住了他拿着针管的手,泛红的眼睛勉强看着他,嘴唇上下张合:“不……”

“好吧,马修,其实我是开玩笑的。这不是海洛因,是戒断药物哦。”伊万克制住自己,耐心地解释,“打一点也没事的。”

“不,请一定不要给我打。我,我会变成那个样子的。”马修使劲想要摇头,但是人们按住了他,他只能抽噎着拉住伊万的手,“布拉金斯基先生……求你……”

“什么?”

“杀了我……求你杀了我。”

伊万站在原地,眼前一幕仿佛是梦境的重现,马修带泪的神志不清的淡紫色眼睛、发红的嘴唇、满脸的泪痕——灰暗的愉快感沿着他的脊椎一路爬进脑子。他再一次感到口干舌燥,左手抚上马修的脖子。旁边的医生惊愕地看着他:“你在干什么?”

“闭嘴。”伊万几乎是恶狠狠地蹦出这句话。他凑到马修眼前,盯着他的眼睛,“——这么想死的话,就用我的名字求我啊。”

“伊万……先生……”

“不要加敬称。”

“……伊万。”马修抽泣着闭上眼睛,“求你杀了我,伊万。”

“乖孩子。”伊万满意地笑,收紧手指,看到马修慢慢涨红了脸,抓着他的手颓然松开。他趁着对方意识模糊,不紧不慢地把右手的丁丙诺啡刺进马修的手臂,一推到底。

“你……”

还没说完,马修就晕了过去。

伊万看着旁边呆站在一边的医疗人员,用手势示意他们继续工作。人们默不作声,有些畏惧地看伊万了一眼,埋头继续刚才的操作。只有助理医生躲躲闪闪地看了伊万手中那支空针筒,结结巴巴地问:“你刚才真的打算杀了他吗?”

伊万摇摇头,摸了摸马修被汗水和眼泪打湿的头发,笑眯眯地回答:“万尼亚不提供这种服务哦。”

他怎么会让他死掉呢。伊万心中恶念丛生,他不只想给马修注射丁丙诺啡,乃至想给他注射海洛因……如果他这样做了,那马修就会永远留在这里,在彻头彻尾成型的毒瘾下失去理智,为了毒品每天痛哭流涕地求他。他柔软的头发和皮肤、温暖的身体也全都会成为他的东西。

欲望和恶念让他血液和骨髓里某种蔓延开的东西开始期待对应的快感,伊万感到自己被麻醉了。他在大麻、酒精和烟草面前无动于衷,但终于倒在了另外一种成瘾品的多巴胺劫持之下。温暖的、柔软的、绝望又伤痕累累的,名为“马修·威廉姆斯”的成瘾品。




Tbc.


Amethyst Eyes
我向着北极组的坑底坠落一去不复...

我向着北极组的坑底坠落一去不复返

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看到一张网图的姿势心动了然后就摸了所以是网图参考;

背景地图是贴的素材.

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一开始忘画呆毛感觉整张画都没有灵魂

我向着北极组的坑底坠落一去不复返

-

看到一张网图的姿势心动了然后就摸了所以是网图参考;

背景地图是贴的素材.

-

一开始忘画呆毛感觉整张画都没有灵魂

两个怨

【Giving In】Chap.18-Отрицать-否认

——授权翻译 APH 露加  原作by: Artificial Starlight

上一章          目录

Chapter 18. Отрицать:否认(补档)

 “所以你从来没有……到处逛逛?你知道,像平常人那样?”

 “Нет,不常。”

 “你都在*做*什么?”

“工作,大多时候。正如我说的,Matvey,我和我的政/府关系很密切。比其他国/家都要密切——我会审查几乎每一份认真提出的文件,我参加会议,...

——授权翻译 APH 露加  原作by: Artificial Starlight

上一章          目录

Chapter 18. Отрицать:否认(补档)

 “所以你从来没有……到处逛逛?你知道,像平常人那样?”

 “Нет,不常。”

 “你都在*做*什么?”

“工作,大多时候。正如我说的,Matvey,我和我的政/府关系很密切。比其他国/家都要密切——我会审查几乎每一份认真提出的文件,我参加会议,去研究院、实验室——我会测试武器,*开发*武器。”

“所以你的生活是白天像个严厉的政|府|官|员,斜杠,副总|统,晚上是个非|法拳击手。”加/拿/大作出总结,舔了舔巧克力冰淇淋的顶端。他们把车子停在了路边,伊万说这一路上都是公园,沿着走可以到达克里姆林宫,所以他们决定在目的地走走。路边有一家冰淇淋店,尽管空气中还带着寒意(地上还有雪),马修还是立刻就买了一份。

静静地漫步在人行道上,欣赏着风景,马修敬畏地看着那些在冬日里仍然绽放的漂亮花朵。除此之外,薄薄的一层雪给花园增添了一份宁静。他坐在附近的一张长椅上微微笑着,享受着冰淇淋和这份平宁。

伊万,坐在他旁边,后仰着头盯向天空。他没有买马修深爱的冷甜品,他并不怎么喜爱甜食。他耸着宽厚的肩膀,胳膊搭在椅背上。椅子没有长能到给两人间足够远的距离,俄/罗/斯的手臂放在了马修的身后。马修向后靠时能感觉到外套的面料蹭到他的脖子,但他没有意识到路人眼里他们的距离和姿势会是多么亲密。“为什么我要漫无目的地在城里逛?”俄/罗/斯问,“我没有*平民*能聊天,我私下认识的每个人都有些身份——高度重要的人,我依赖他们治理领|土和人民。”

“但你不知道人民本身。平民和政|府相关的人不同。相信我,他们容易相处多了。”

闭上眼睛,俄/罗/斯不置可否地哼哼,“那你做什么?显然你不把时间花在工作上。”

马修提出一声抗议,咽下一口冰冷的雪糕。“我当然工作。我探讨很多提议而且我参加很多会议。”他温顺地耸了耸肩,“我没有参与军/事,不过我定期跟进发展。一般除非需要,否则我不会处理那些分歧。我更关注国/际关系和土地保护。”

伊万唇边勾起坏笑,“环境保护狂。”他重复阿尔弗雷德对加/拿/大的称呼。

马修发出了一声像是抱怨和呻吟,扭过空着的手拍打伊万的手臂,俄/罗/斯无动于衷并给予了大笑。

“我还参与了奥运。”加/拿/大继续道,“主题和开幕式我都有帮忙。整个表演会是关于土著和我的界定文化。这……有点尴尬事实上。”他轻笑了一声,脸上泛起淡淡的粉红,“不过这会很棒——奥运会在加拿大举行。一整个月里,人们会认出我,尤其是我夺金的时候。”

“你的期望太高了。”伊万喃喃道。眼睛仍然闭着,面向天空。

马修脸上的浅笑消去了一些,他盯着手里的冰淇淋,“也许吧,但我忍不住。我厌倦孤独一人和被遗忘了。”

伊万轻轻叹了口气,“Da,一个人的确不好玩。但你不是有熊二郎吗?”

马修看向那只被提及的熊,它正在花园里逛着,嗅嗅花朵,刨抓地面。看着他的友人,马修情不自禁地笑了。“熊二郎是整个世界上独一无二的,它了解我。它可能不记得我名字,但它从不会离开我,而且会一直要找我。如果不是它……我不认为自己会在这里。”

笑容再次消失了,他看向伊万冷漠的脸。“即使如此,想和别人建立关系很过分吗?我想作为一个*国/家*被认识,不只是一个人,而我不觉得熊二郎明白这些不同。对它而言我是两个身份:最好的朋友,和主人,照顾它的人。战/争时它就在那——它就在我身边对抗敌人。但是,我不认为它明白*为什么*。它这么做是因为我在这么做。”

手里的冰淇淋在此时不可思议的失去了吸引力,马修叹了口气,想着怎么解决它。“我只是想有个和我站在相同高度的人。看看我是谁、是怎样的人。我想要*爱*——在最困难的处境依然无坚不摧、无与伦比的纯粹的爱。”

俄/罗/斯抱怨:“你是怎么作为第*二*大国/家的?”

反问带着讽刺味,但马修发出铃铛般的笑声回答:“我就是那么棒,eh?”

他嘲弄道:“你就是个精灵。”

加/拿/大咯咯道:“那英/国会告诉我的。”

伊万笑了:“可能他不想伤害你的感受,所以不跟你说。”

马修孩子气地朝男人吐出舌头,“说真的,我不明白你为什么会怕‘爱’这个字,这是个美妙的东西。”

 “你现在听起来像法/国。”

“噢,他总是太早把所有东西称为*l'amour*,包括性。”

“性在关系里很重要,da?”

“但两个人只是做/爱并不代表他们彼此相爱——这不一样!”

加/拿/大有点沮丧地试着解释,俄/罗/斯却轻笑起来。“Matvey,这只是个错觉。像我之前说的,不会有‘灵魂伴侣’,人只能寄希望于找到最合适的那个人,即使这样,在被世界折磨分开前,两个人也就只能那么亲近。”

“我希望有一天能证明你是错的。”马修轻声道,难过地看着脚边的地面。

伊万终于睁开眼睛看向那个金发男孩,脸上依旧没有表情。不一会儿,他站了起来,“走吧。克林姆林宫的另一边还有些东西能看看。”

加/拿/大跟着站起来,手里还拿着已经不想要了的冰淇淋,路过一个最近的垃圾桶时他把它丢了进去。“俄、俄/罗/斯。”他开口。俄罗斯人瞥向跟随在身后矮一些的男孩,“我们玩扑克的时候,乌/克/兰问我们有没有爱过……好吧,我只是好奇,你只承认*爱着*你的姐姐妹妹。你曾经以多少一点柏拉图的方式爱过某人吗?”

“你是什么意思?”

“迷恋,”加/拿/大的脸颊染上浅红,“像我那样……”

伊万深吸了一口气,若有所思,“我不确定。我会说立/陶/宛,不过……”他轻嗯出一声,“我不认为是你所期望的那种关系类型。”

马修顿了顿,“嗯……像是……”

“我对他不大好,da。”

柔紫色眼睛盯着伊万结实的后背,他思考着,目光失去了焦距。“你是怎么对他的?”

“你没有见过他背后的疤痕吧?那是我造成的。他是波/罗/的/海里我最喜欢的,所以他得到更多注意——悲哀的是,这并不完全是好事,da?”

加/拿/大咽下一口唾沫,感到一些害怕但同时也有好奇,他问:“你有没有过……强尖他?”这是会议室里常见的谣言,一个国/家*强尖*另一国,在战/时并不罕见,甚至在被统治时期也是。据说,交/合,尽管是暴力和非自愿的情况,涉及国/家就会有不同的意味。施暴者永远不会被惩罚——只是会被别人看不起——正当理由随之而来,伴着火药的味道和垂死的尖叫。

当加/拿/大知道他所认为的这种伴侣间该珍而重之的行为被当做这样一种……手段来压制他们国/家的化身,他感到恐惧和一丝压抑。必须承认,当伊万空白着一张脸(没有*内疚*或*悔恨*的迹象)转向他,说“我对他们三个都做过”时,马修心里的某些东西破碎了。不管是失望还是同情(对波/罗/的/海/三/国或是*伊万*,他不晓得),加/拿/大只知道这很让人伤心。

他追向前几步,伸手抓住伊万手肘处的棕色外套。“我很抱歉。”他没有说为什么而道歉,庆幸伊万也没有问,因为他无法给出答案。那俄罗斯人仅是对被抓住外套抬了抬眉,漫不经心,像是不想再和他开口聊天的样子。马修没有异议,他们沉默地走过了花园。

…oOo…

“哇哦……”马修喃喃着,走上傲然矗立着一个巨大铜锡钟的展示平台。它很……巨大。马修从未见过那么大的钟,它是他身高的四倍,至少。

“沙皇钟。”伊万介绍道,“216吨,我想。这会是世界上最大的钟……如果它能响的话。”他懒洋洋地挥手向展台另一面的一块金属,那是大钟的一部分,却靠在展台边。这个漂亮大钟掉落的一部分就像一块拼图,等待着被捡起放回原处,与整体重合,拼铸成本当成为的钟王。俄/罗/斯的模样像是在怀念,也许有些伤感,他说:“它从没被使用过。它在铸造成后马上就坏了。”

加/拿/大走上前,抬起一只手触摸金属,手指游走在雕刻的图案上。

伊万看他一眼,马修在欣赏的大钟现在只被认为是个雕塑,“另一边有一座大炮——沙皇炮。它只能用一次。”

马修看头看向他,“所以你有一个从来没响过的钟和一个从来没用过的大炮。”

"Da."

马修轻嗯出一声,绕着摆放沙皇钟的展台走动。俄/罗/斯跟在他身后,好奇这个男孩在做什么。石制展台上有一道门,及臀高,用铁链锁着。加拿大人看了看他们四周,然后伸手拉动锁链,用非常人的力量轻易折断了它,打开门后马修看到了里面的小门。

伊万眨眨眼,惊讶于他的不良行为,*他不该是个良民吗?*

“过来。”加/拿/大小声说道,弯下腰,纤瘦的身影轻松溜了进去,在钟边缘弯腰进入消失在了里面。俄/罗/斯的表情像是不想跟去,但还是弯身进去了。展台的内部是中空的,一进到钟里伊万就能再次站直。

里面很暗,只有从小门口照进来的光线。大钟一侧的空缺为了防止人们爬进来用黑色的材料补上了,黑暗让人无法分辨出它的位置。

当眼睛终于适应后,他们能看到对方在五六步外。“我们为什么要进到这里?”伊万问。

“为了敲响这个钟。”马修显而易见地说,“那大炮……嗯,我们真的不能弄它。但这个钟还可以响!”

“它坏了Matvey,不会响的。”

“它会的。响声可能不一样,但我敢肯定它会响的。”

俄/罗/斯翻了个白眼,放弃了,“好吧,你打算用*什么*敲响它?”

“你的脑袋。”马修被自己的笑话逗得咯咯笑起,伊万瞪向他,“开玩笑的,别那样看着我,暴躁的伊万。”

“谁?”熊二郎问,扭动着走进平台里。它绕着展台边缘跑动,兴冲冲推开马修的腿经过。马修不得不朝伊万迈近一步,一手抓住男人身前的外套防止跌倒。

“熊吉!”

“我喜欢这里。”

“冷静,好吗?”

伊万翻了个白眼,比起生气他更觉得好笑。

马修突然发出胜利的欢呼,俯身蹲下。由于过近的距离,这动作是微妙的在俄/罗/斯身前*滑落*。加/拿/大的双手滑下他的胸膛,而当前对方蹲身的高度,马修金色的脑袋在伊万的……难以启齿的部位前。俄/罗/斯被这意想不到的动作惊得猛往后退,看着这个加拿大人,神情混合着诧异、恼怒、好奇和关切。

加/拿/大甚至没有注意到自己做了什么。“我就知道里面会有像这样的东西!”他雀跃道,从地面捡起某个沉重的东西,拿起时碰出了一声干脆的响声。黑暗中,那看起来像是一根普通的棍子——笔直,没有特色。但当伊万接过它,感受到手里冰冷的生锈金属,他知道这必定是这个钟的某种工具。他想知道这东西怎么会在这里——*谁*把它带到了这里?

“敲响它。”马修说,他的笑容灿烂,紫晶般的双眼闪烁着光亮。

伊万皱起眉,“你来,我不想参与。”

“噢,来嘛。”男孩抱怨道,“怕我们惹上麻烦?”伊万哼了口气,*严厉地*。“敲响它,尼这大宝宝。”

“这是你的主意,da?你来做。”

“这是*你的*钟,*Da*?”他推回道,“就该由你敲响它。”俄/罗/斯冲冲地呼出一口气,看着手里的铁棍。“来吧!”

“好吧。”

马修发出一声欢呼,“还有,别柔柔弱弱的。大力敲击它,让每个人都能听见。”

对加/拿/大的热情摇摇头,伊万换了个位置,马修蹲在他身后让出空间方便他转身。俄/罗/斯像拿棒球棍一样拿住铁棍一端,双手稍微分开,紧紧抓牢。他做了个深呼吸,将它举起,调动起他超人的能量。他突然快速出击,没有一声警告,棍子划过一个漂亮的弧度,正如他惯常挥舞的动作。

碰到了——尖锐的*钪铛*声淹没在沉厚的钟声里,那是马修从未听过的。很响亮,高亢的开头,十分悦耳。

然而,只用了一毫秒,两个国/家就判断出这并不是那么伟大的决定。在内部敲响这个钟,只会让他们的耳膜被余音不停折磨。

钟声淹没了马修的尖叫,他抬手捂住自己的耳朵,伊万丢下金属棍做出相同的动作。高亢的回音在他们四周的金属壁里来回反弹,那么深沉响亮,他们甚至能感受到自己骨头的反响。他们抵靠着对方——紧闭双眼,手掌盖着耳朵,痛苦地龇着牙。

回音持续了整整一分钟,最终安静下来后,伊万抬起头,劫后余生般松了一大口气。马修也抬起头,大眼睛惊奇地看向四周,接着他开始大笑,“那真是……厉害!”

“嘘,”伊万骂道,揉着耳朵像在舒缓痛楚,“我以为自己要聋了。”

熊二郎发出呜咽:“痛。”

加/拿/大跪下抱起北极熊,用法语轻声和它讲话,直到确保它没事。伊万看了一眼,“我们最好快走。警察很可能在来的路上了。”

马修咯咯笑着走向小门口,“那我们快点跑比较好,eh?”

他们溜出中空的展台,巴扎着眼睛看向聚集起的一脸震惊的人群。马修微微一笑,乖巧地朝观众们挥着手,而伊万瞪着眼,这些注意让他不自在。再一次抓住伊万的外套,马修另一只手抱着熊二郎,拉着俄/罗/斯离开大钟,几乎小跑着穿过聚拢的人群朝来时的方向撤去。

他欣喜大笑着走过花园,伊万禁不住被他传染露出微笑。“太好玩了!”他们在其中一个花园里停下,两侧包围着蓝、红和黄的色彩。加/拿/大捂着肚子大笑着。

“Da.”

“你看到那些人的表情了吗?他们超震惊的。我敢赌一英里外的人都能听见!”俄/罗/斯笑了。“这感觉不是很棒吗?”

“Matvey,我们敲响了一个钟。”他说,像这并不是什么壮举。

“一个大家说永远不会响的钟。所有人都深信它永远不能响起钟声。你证明了他们全是错的,它响了——它能发出声音。丢失的那一块不代表它就没用了。”

俄/罗/斯停了下来,马修知道他意识到了,他露出微笑。“看到了吗?你就像那个钟,eh?每个人都说你不能响。好了,向他们证明他们是错的!”

伊万不发一语地盯着他,试着理解马修那么想要指出的他和沙皇钟之间的相似之处。加/拿/大笑了笑,拉着伊万的外套,“那么,接下来去哪?”

…oOo…

“俄/罗/斯!下次的冰球赛是什么时候?我想看看你的比赛,我想知道和加拿大本地的比赛有没有什么不同。我敢肯定你的人都会醉醺醺的,然后在落下风的时候丢东西到场上,eh?”

伊万小弧度地歪过脑袋,好奇像马修这样的人是不是会这么做——他想象不出这害羞的加/拿/大在观众区里跟人发生冲突,酒后斗殴,或者因为支持的队伍输掉而大声喊叫的样子。“Da,比赛真的很激烈。” 

马修兴奋地哇了一声,在副驾上没刻消停。“我记得有一次,在小联盟,有一个超级偏心的裁判。他总是喊犯规,还让我队伍里最好的选手做板凳。多亏那个混蛋,我下注的队伍输了,而对方队伍的一些球迷居然当没*看见*。有个家伙从头到尾都在吹嘘——直到我一拳揍在他脸上——然后他闭上了那该死的嘴,eh?当然,他的朋友们不太高兴,所以他们想要报复,然后我只知道看台上的每个人都在互相殴打。”

加/拿/大幸灾乐祸地笑了起来,伊万试着想象那个场面。“有个家伙居然一拳把我的牙齿打掉了!真是厉害!不过后来……好吧,这好笑的事和比赛在警察来了后就结束了。我们都被逮捕了,在牢里呆了一天,一直在讲笑话玩得挺开心。阿尔弗雷德不得不跑来保释我。我拥抱了在场的每个人——连那个打掉我大牙的家伙,因为,说真的,他不怎么坏。”

伊万发出*嗯哼*一声,右转车子,开进那家他最喜欢的餐馆的停车场,准备去吃迟到的午餐。他们下了车,走向门口。“话说这个地方叫什么?”加/拿/大看着俄语的招牌问道。

“Подсолнечник,”俄/罗/斯读出名字,翻译道,“向日葵。”

加/拿/大笑了,“好听的名字。”

服务员将他们带到一张桌子边后让他们随意自助地取餐。这次不是靠窗的位置,而是靠墙的小卡座,马修忍不住满心的喜悦。不同上次,他再不用因为白/俄/罗/斯的尖利声音和试图谋杀他的举动而神经紧绷了。

伊万似乎也放松了,而熊二郎在两个国/家之间被喂得饱饱的,所以熊孩子完全没有脾气。他们谈论冰球、奥运会、打过的架,自己做过的好事和坏事(保持轻松话题)还有自家祖/国的时事。

"Это ты! Анна, это та самая пара, о которой я говорила тебе!"一个声音突然打断了伊万,他正在解释不同地标,例如莉娜的石柱,一个自然形成的神奇石林,和贝加尔湖,世界上最深的淡水湖。马修异常感兴趣,他让伊万讲了很多,话题始终在他希望能亲眼看见的各处地标上。

直到那声叫喊——愤怒还是愉悦,马修分不清——伊万停下他的发言,两人转向声音的方向——那是一个二十岁左右的金发女性,正露出爽朗的笑容蹦向他们的桌子。马修立刻认出了她,毕竟,他没有接触过多少俄/罗/斯的国/民,而其中有一人尤其特别——那个在俱乐部里帮他找到伊万的女孩。

那个认为他是gay,和伊万*一起*,的人。

而他们俩正惬意地在餐馆里单独相处。

马修脸红起来,盯着桌面,那个女人欢快地走了过来,高兴地说着什么。伊万和她说话,脸色茫然,姿势放松。女孩大笑了一声,继续谈话。加/拿/大悄悄抬头瞥去,好奇又有点担心。他感觉被冷落了,此时的他更加希望自己懂俄语了,因为那两人完全不告诉他正在谈论什么。

“Matvey.”伊万说道,被喊到的加拿大人吓了一小跳。女人发出惊呼。

“Matvey,”她重复,“Мило!"”

俄/罗/斯露出坏笑,彻底被逗乐了。“这里,薇拉。”他朝女性点点头,“想带我们去城市另一边的俱乐部。”

“噢、喔,我想俱乐部已经够了,eh?”

“会很好玩,da?别做那么个——你怎么说我来着……扫兴的人?”

马修撅起嘴,“熊三郎怎么办?”

“它会*没事*的。”

淡紫色的眼睛看向那名女性,薇拉朝他露出哀求的神情。“Pleez?”她试着说英语,马修的心软了。

“好吧,我们可以去!”人类女性发出欢呼,冲向前抱了他一下。随后放开,她直起身,和伊万说了几句,男人只是点点头说了句“Da”,接着她便走回了自己的桌子。

“很有趣。”他轻快地说,脸上挂着孩子气的笑容,“她真的很喜欢你,Matvey!”

脸颊更红了,“闭、闭嘴。再说,为什么你这么热情,同意跟她去。”

“我喜欢俱乐部,他们有上好的伏特加。”马修翻了个白眼,“而且你告诉我该多和普通人说话,da?”

“Oui.”马修重拾微笑,他们一起从桌边站起,平摊费用后走出门,见到了薇拉和另一个跟她同行的女孩。

女孩们似乎已经约好了坐伊万的车,她们跟在后方走向宾利,坐进后座里(熊二郎很不满)。女孩们欢快地聊着各种话题,似乎永远朝气蓬勃。马修感到极其的懒散和……沧桑,在她们面前。他从来都能注意到国/家化身和人类间的微妙差异。

总的来说,和所化身代表的终将寿尽的人民相处得越久,他注意到越多的细节。即使是他精力充沛时,他感觉自己在成年人群中是相对少数的部分——缺乏他们(外表)“年纪”该有的疯狂亢奋。身体上,他像一个安然随和的年轻人,也许能看作是巅峰期的二十多岁。

心理,完全是另一回事。联系他的表象年龄,他更像是有着少年皮囊的古老爷爷。探讨和两名女性相比他有多*老*是很困难的事——要知道和她们比,他有*上千*年的困苦、经历和美好岁月。

*俄/罗/斯有更多的*,马修看向他,试图看懂那空白的表情。若不是早有预想,他可能没法看出,但那双眼睛里的一丝惊异和思索告诉了马修他也有同样的感受。毕竟,政|府人员虽也是平常人类,但仍是同年龄段中明智而又富有阅历的部分人。这两个女孩无所图谋——她们没有故作高贵或是端庄——为什么要呢?她们没有要给谁留下深刻印象,不像政|府里为了和他们国/家打好关系不惜舔他们鞋底的人。

这让人有些担忧,考虑到他们国家里有多少的年轻人被如此忽视——马修*的确*说过和不同的国民交流很重要,但实际上他有多常去那些受欢迎的消遣地?完全不够。

然而,和这两个俄罗斯青年结伴,她们在后方惊叫大笑,像吃多了糖果的孩子那样嬉笑……这很让人振奋。马修不知道她们在说什么,但仅是她们试着解释什么时的行为和手势就令他发笑。她们说的每句话都那么清亮活泼,俄/罗/斯甚至被她们说的话逗得*笑出来*,显然他对所有额外的喧哗并不感到恼火。

她们听着电台的歌曲舞动,大声唱着走调的歌,非常好玩。每句个韵脚都让马修忍不住咯咯地笑,他会在重复的时候加入,这让俄/罗/斯觉得很喜感。

熊二郎被迫在加/拿/大的腿上跳了一小段舞,想当然的令后座的女孩们激动了起来。

终于,俄/罗/斯开到了一家辉煌通亮的俱乐部,绿和蓝的霓虹灯闪烁出一棵棕榈树的标志。这里和马修找到伊万的那家不同,首先一点便是位于城市更好的地区。还算不上上流地段,但很摩登,也很受当地人欢迎。一群人正沿着墙壁排队,等待进入。

伊万径直走过队伍,加/拿/大吃了一惊,他不知所措地紧跟在后。女孩们嘻嘻笑着,凑近到他们旁边,巧妙地将加拿大人挤过去,直到马修抓住俄/罗/斯肘部的外套,现在他看上去就像在撒娇。

到了俱乐部门口,伊万对保镖(一个身形比俄/罗/斯庞大而且同样可怕的男人)说了几句话后立即被允许进入,余下三人像小鸭子一样跟着。“好了,玩得高兴,我会在酒吧那。”伊万回头说道,指着右方远处被桌面围绕的柱形吧台,各种饮品陈列在其中。

一切装饰都那么明亮——主题似乎是“沙滩上的白天黑夜”,实际上效果非常棒,尤其是——马修忍不住脸红,尽管他看过很多类似的——前方舞台上的比基尼舞者。她们从一侧跳到另一侧,穿着过小的泳衣,胸部几乎要翻出来。她们不时跨步向人群(大部分是男性)弯腰收起小费,典型的“竭力塞下每一分钱”。

一个DJ在舞台的一侧,打着舞者的节拍,周围聚拢起了一群来玩乐的、没看秀的人。马修不常进出这种场所,自他年轻时就不(或者不如说,更、更年轻的时候),他觉得非常新鲜。

薇拉和她的朋友安娜几乎立刻便嬉笑着走向舞池,路上还回头向加/拿/大抛去一个腼腆的表情。马修假装没看见,往吧台走去远离了拥挤的人群。他双手抱着熊二郎,坐到伊万旁边的高脚凳上,环顾四周。“他们这里有什么红酒?”他问。

俄/罗/斯看向他,挑起一边眉,“你*不能*点*红酒*。”

马修朝他露出一个介乎瞪眼和噘嘴间的表情,“为什么不行?”

“不适合——也许你在家无聊、孤单时,da。但在派对上不行——要来一杯派对饮品,烈酒,一口闷,你就能嗨起来了。”他向酒保挥手示意,对方随手擦拭着柜台踱步走来。

“伊、伊万,我不——”

但伊万已经点了酒,而酒保点点头记下了,那人绕着圆柱架子拿下所有需要的材料开始混合——摇荡、搅拌。他熟练地把玩着调酒瓶,向观众们展示精彩的演出——全程保持着空白的机械脸,马修开始思考这是不是全体俄罗斯男人的一个特征。

之后,两杯不同的饮品放到他们面前。马修那杯是清澈的淡褐色,用一个锥形杯盛着。一把小小的雨伞装点在旁边增添了*可爱*的元素,不过,这真的只是在粉饰那杯不怎么无害的饮品。

伊万那杯是清澈的,看上去几乎像水。马修好奇他是不是直接点了杯赤裸裸的伏特加,就像他在家时那样,但当俄罗斯人将它举起到唇边喝下一口时,他确实被那浓烈的口感*辣*到了——加/拿/大推翻了自己一开始的推测。伊万转向他,“喝掉,Matvey。”他说,“我想你会喜欢的,da?‘

加/拿/大盯着面前的酒,不知道这是不是个好主意——毕竟,伊万的力气足以把他搬回去,这会是什么阴谋——让他的五脏六腑被盐酸烧灼一样?

*绝对不会是个好主意。*

一只手胆怯地伸向杯子,优雅地拿起。杯沿触碰到嘴唇,他能闻到酒味——这点足够让他衡量再三,但俄/罗/斯的目光快要把他盯出洞来了,而且……突然间,他不知道为什么就想喝了。脑海里的迟疑离去,他倾斜手腕,辛辣的液体滑进嘴里,他吞下满满的第一口。 

舌头上的感觉就像一辆运货列车全速撞进一堵转墙。很强烈,很有冲击力,带着淡淡的一丝苦涩。马修能辨认出这是伏特加——当然会是伏特加。不过,这并没有他料想的那么浓烈,而他嘴里品出了余味——甜的,甜腻的余味令他的嘴巴分泌唾液索取更多。马修把杯子举开,震惊地瞪大双眼看向手里的饮品。他听到伊万在旁边大笑,“伏特加马天尼能和所有东西混合,”他告诉他,“*枫糖*也可以。”

加/拿/大朝他露出的表情就像一只小狗……不,更像是某只北极熊向他讨要食物那样。“这真是太棒了……”他呜咽道,又喝了一口现在最喜欢的酒精饮料,伊万只觉得很好笑。俄/罗/斯还把自己那杯酒上的褶边小伞扔开了,像它侮辱了自己的男子气概。

马修刚刚品尝完每一口,喝完了他的酒,女孩们就跑到他旁边,嘻嘻笑地围着加拿大人,哀求他和她们一起跳舞。“Танцевать.”她们急切地重复道,兴奋地指着身后的舞池。

马修笑着答应了:“好吧!走吧!”

马修跟着女孩们走了,熊二郎自己坐在高脚凳上,眨动着黑眼珠看对方消失在人群里。在这个喧闹得无法睡觉的地方里,它并不显得兴奋。它越过椅子间的距离坐到俄/罗/斯怀里,抬起头可爱地看着这个巨大国/家。“吵。”它抱怨道。

伊万歪了歪头,“你想我做些什么?”

“想走。”

“我们刚到这里。”俄/罗/斯皱起眉。他今天相当的放松,而且确实玩得很高兴,他知道马修也是,现在离开会很可惜。那熊呜咽着,俄/罗/斯抬起手拍拍它的脑袋,轻叹了口气试着想点办法——他该知道这只小熊不会喜欢这里的。马修先前也已经提醒过他……

“我可以带你到车上,”他说,“你能在里面睡觉。”

“好。”

大口喝下杯里的酒,他站起身,将北极熊抱在怀里。

…oOo…

从不习惯身处在大群人里,马修稍带着谨慎地走向中央区域的舞动人潮。他更宁愿在有空间的地方跳舞——人群的外围。在那里受伤的几率更小(意外被手肘打到脸,被踩到脚,之类),也没那么热(少了几十个人的体温)而且他不想被触摸(有意或无意的)。不幸的是,薇拉和安娜,一人拉着他的一只手,想要抵达中心C位。

她们更像是强迫着把他拉到跳动、尖叫的人群里——一直钻到马修在任何方向都只能移动一英尺的地方,他的视野里满是围绕在四周的人影。

女孩们的手是他保持不迷失在人海里的唯一依仗,待走到一个满意的地方后,她们朝他欢笑着开始晃动——轻踏着脚步,摇动臀部,挥动双臂。

加/拿/大从未跳过这样的舞——人群,派对,“玩乐”全部都是他兄弟的风格。马修只在舞厅里跳过舞,说来奇怪——政|府的宴会,和招待会上。法/国教会他很多舞蹈,像探戈、快步舞和华尔兹。

这和那些不同——你该做出属于自己的动作,更潮流地踩拍子,让自己*性感*地摆动臀部,放下矜持。大家能看出他在尝试。没有人取笑他的舞动,他试着跟上节拍,偶尔失败。

薇拉抓着他的手转圈,疯狂地大笑,虽然在音乐声里几乎听不见。他们持续舞动了整整十分钟——跳了四首歌。这时候马修已经开始出汗了,他的动作通过练习变得流畅,姿势放松,他已经忘记了人群和脑袋里的消极想法。他玩得很高兴——他跳舞,他大笑,还在响起知晓的歌曲时用严重不合调的声音唱歌(他们放了一些英文歌,出乎意料)。

薇拉和安娜向人群更深处晃荡了去,而马修继续在原处跳了一小会儿,直到一只手紧扣住他的肩膀,他转过身看到一个比他高几英寸的男人在笑着。黑发被上方的霓虹灯映上红色,男人耳廓和下唇的装饰闪着光亮。他用俄语说了些什么,马修露出微笑摇摇头。“我听不懂你!”他在音乐声中大声喊道。

男人只是点点头并指向加/拿/大,接着指向自己,然后开始跳舞。马修大笑出一声,模仿他点点头,说:“那,一起跳舞,eh。”

这是马修记得的很长一段时间里最好玩的一次。但在期间某个时候,马修感觉缺少了什么。他大概比了个借口,转身离开,穿过人群走向吧台,去找伊万。

花了点时间,最后他在一边找到了那俄罗斯人,对方正靠在一个卡位里看着顾客们,一下一下地喝着酒。

马修滑到他对面的座位上,把前额抵在桌上——桌面像是某种马赛克砖,让他发烫的皮肤感觉很爽。“你该跳舞!”

“Нет.”

“来嘛。”他拖长最后一个音。

“我不跳。”

“我猜你暗地里很擅长。”

没有回复,马修嘻嘻笑着,“你*是*对吗?”

“不是*这种*,”俄/罗/斯指向人群,“我不跳这样的舞。”

“我也是。也许是因为我们很老,eh?我们知道的都是古典舞,正规……端庄。”他大笑道,“现在你可以这里,摇晃你的臀,这就是说的性感。”

“Da.”

马修点了一杯之前的酒,和伊万说笑着却都被他扫了兴,焦急地想要回去舞池释放更多能量。一个人影走向他们的位置,是那个和马修一起跳舞的黑发男人,他腼腆地笑着示意加/拿/大跟他回去。

“别整晚像块木头一样坐在这里,ok?”他跟伊万说道,溜出了卡座,“我希望我们走之前至少跳一次!”

俄/罗/斯给了他一个“啊对”的表情,加拿大人匆忙起身离开,随后便立刻走回了舞池,伊万冷漠的目光对上跟在他身后的男人的深褐色眼珠。那家伙看起来偏瘦弱,皮肤有着不健康的阴影——他似乎在紧张,伊万心想他是不是有什么问题。

尽管那是个俄罗斯人,被算作是伊万的孩子,但俄/罗/斯仍是不禁怀疑起这个男孩。当男人小跑向加/拿/大,一手过于亲昵地揽过他的肩膀时,那种感觉更加强烈了。

伊万心里某处十分不喜这个情况。

那两人停在他的视线里,幸好他们并没有钻进人群,而是选择在外围跳舞。好几次,那个黑发的男人不恰当地蹭到加拿大人的某些地方,但他都装作是舞动方式或周围人推搡到的意外。马修,让伊万吃惊(和恼怒)的,他对那些明目张胆的触碰什么都没说——看上去他就像完全没注意到——他怎么能*没*注意到?

除非……男孩在舞动时绊了脚,不得不抓住那个男人防止摔倒。*他特么醉了。*

他只喝了*两杯*马丁尼!

“酒量真浅。”俄/罗/斯叹了口气。这事实意味着,这个金发家伙醉了,伊万得承担起责任照顾他,因为这不是简单的“嗡嗡响”,而是“我醉得不行明天什么都不会记得”的程度。*认真的?*

听见旁边响起熟悉的叫喊,伊万转身看到薇拉和安娜走来坐在马修腾出的空位上,向附近走动的服务员点了饮料。“[好热。]”薇拉说,“[你的男孩在哪?]”

“[他不是我的。]”俄/罗/斯回答,但女人像是没听见(或者她无视了)。安娜指向那个跳着舞的加拿大人,他正因为另外那个男人做的什么而大笑着。

薇拉看见后凄惨地倒抽一口气,“[去救他!你不能让这样一个男孩从你的指缝里溜走。]”

“[他不是我的。]”俄/罗/斯提高了音量。

女孩们接过她们的饮料,是某种颜色鲜艳的混合果酒。薇拉转向他,神情严肃,“[像这样的男孩,你不看着他就会被吃掉。]”她神秘地说,“[来吧安娜!我们去看那些舞者!]”然后就像她们来时一样,她们匆匆走了,再次留下伊万一个人在桌边。

举起杯子到唇边,他瞪向边缘的加/拿/大和他的“护卫”。在他和两位女性对话期间,事情似乎已经恶化了。马修正摇着头,轻皱起眉,那个家伙的一只手环上了他的腰。看起来像是那家伙想把他拖离舞池,而马修不想走。

那男人点点头,尝试用另一种策略,他露出怜悯的神情,举起手示意“在这等着”,接着他跑向吧台。伊万仔细地盯着那个家伙点了些东西,随后一个深色玻璃杯放在了他面前。伊万知道自己该介入了。很明显这家伙的意图不只有单纯的跳舞,而马修看起来就是会信任一个甚至不认识的人。任何种的迷|药对他们都有效——不像标准量那样长时间或强烈,但伊万认为马修无论如何都不会想尝试。

就在男人将那杯可疑的饮品举到马修面前时,伊万走了过去。他将手臂环在加/拿/大的肩上,男孩吃了一惊。“伊万!”马修高兴地喊道,“你现在来和我跳舞了吗?”

他不置可否地哼了哼。“[你现在可以走了,]”他对那个黑发男人说,“[不要再靠近他。]”

那男人有一瞬间的样子像是想吵,但他又僵硬地点点头,咬着牙,转身离开了。伊万想这太简单了。“我们该走了。”他对马修说。

 “可是我们好像才刚到这里!”

“我们来了三个小时了。”

“你还没有和我跳舞!”

俄/罗/斯瞪了他一眼,“我不跳。”

“大家都跳!”马修抗议道,随后他站直在俄/罗/斯的正前方,用自己纤细的手抓住他的大手掌,“像一些快的……摇摆舞,eh?”

“Нет.”

“*Oui *,跳!”

“Matvey我——”

“在我特么揍你之前,eh?”

他说得那么随意自信,令伊万放声大笑起来,“好吧,不管怎样,你连平衡都保持不住的样子,浪费时间。”

“来试试啊!”

伊万露出坏笑,走近他,一手握住马修的手,另一只手放在他背后。两人开始得很完美,伊万向前迈了一大步,马修向后。俄/罗/斯领着舞,但马修和他间只差毫秒,他心里熟知舞步。醉酒恍惚的他没有绊倒,但脸上挂着傻气的笑,偶尔发出咯咯的笑声。“我喜欢这舞。”他说。

俄/罗/斯扭动身体,推开加/拿/大让他在自己的臂弯下旋转,接着再把他拉回来。舞步很复杂,两人没有落下一拍,俄/罗/斯再次转身,他的手臂绕在加/拿/大的身前,将他捕获在怀里——就像抱住了他又放开了手。加/拿/大大笑,在前后迈步的同时高举他们相握的手,他空出的另一只手放在俄/罗/斯的上臂上。

歌曲结束时马修的呼吸急促,脸颊通红,高兴地咯咯笑着。“这太好玩了!”伊万笑了笑,好笑地看着加/拿/大靠着自己。

“我们现在该回家了。”

“好呀!九俄兰在哪里?”

“谁?”

马修噘起嘴,“我的熊!你问得就像它!”

“在车里,我们要去的地方,走吧。”他向薇拉和安娜挥挥手,走向门口。女孩们看着他们咯咯地笑着同他们说了再见,做好了打车回家的准备。

两个国/家出了俱乐部,走向车子。伊万扶马修坐了进去,他大喊着“空基!”把自己依偎进北极熊的怀里,而熊二郎对这和平时很不一样的名字感到一脸困惑。

伊万轻笑出声,他发动汽车,确认收音机关上后启程回家。缺少了喧闹和骚乱的氛围,加/拿/大开始平静下来,从一个过度活跃的话唠变成了疲惫的孩子,每说一句话都会打起哈欠,一下一下地打着瞌睡。

车子停到车库后,伊万一时不知道该拿他怎么办好。摇着男孩的肩膀把他叫了起来,但仅是打开车门对他来说就很艰难。俄/罗/斯最后不得不拽着男孩的手臂把他拉出来。“喔咿,别酱。”

“那就动一下。”

“我有。只是世界动得太快。”

俄/罗/斯翻了个白眼,弯腰把加/拿/大抱离地面——用公主抱的方式,这让加/拿/大十分欣喜(他发出相当轻狂的大笑)。“你知道吗,我从咩那么高兴过。而且……你还在抱着我,哇喔。法/国说过我胖——不过我想他把我当成了美/国。因为美/国才胖。”

“Da.”

“你觉得我胖吗?”

“你是什么,女人吗?”俄/罗/斯问道,把加/拿/大抱上了楼。

“Non,”他嘻嘻笑道,“Veux tu que je le sois?”

“我听不懂法语,Matvey。”

“Tout chez toi m'émerveille.”

“说英文。”

“Non.”马修再次嘻嘻地笑了一声。

俄/罗/斯把加/拿/大丢进他的床上,马修又一次笑开了,显然很喜欢这样的动作。“睡觉吧。”他转身就要出门,但马修喊了他的名字让他停下。

“谢谢你。我从来没有那么高兴过。”

“到了早上你就不会高兴的了。”伊万喃喃道,看着熊二郎蹒跚地爬上床窝进加/拿/大松松的臂弯下。他叹了口气,关掉灯,合上了门。

事实上,他也想不起自己有过什么时候和今天一样这么开心。

 

…Thank You…

 

作者的话:

Ha ha,我建议读最后部分的时候听点舞曲。XD

I have a new Beta!(应该是校对) 若是你们好奇为什么这章那么的……beautiful!特别感谢以及欢迎加入,Nidorikichidori。

重要信息!有人注意到了,点进我的主页,有个关于马修的小调查。对,这是关于<Giving In>的!调查会开放到更多两到三章,你们有一个月时间帮我决定故事的发展!:P

 

翻译:

Это ты! Анна, это та самая пара, о которой я говорила тебе! (Russian): 是你们!安娜,这就是我跟你说的那对情侣!

Мило (Russian): 可爱

Танцевать (Russian): 跳舞

Veux tu que je le sois?(French): 你想我是吗?(Do you want me to be?)

Tout chez toi m'émerveille(French): 关于你的一切都让我惊奇

 

免责声明:我什么都木有,我给一些地方起了名字(向日葵餐厅和俱乐部),如果真的有这些名字或主题的地方(很可能有)别告我!我没打什么主意!我没有用这些圈钱!DX


※马修提到的奥运是2010年第21届冬季奥运会在加拿大温哥华。(链接为搜狐新闻)

※「沙皇钟」Царь–колокол,中文名钟王 (俄罗斯伊凡大帝钟楼)。大钟刚浇铸在模子里的时候遭遇大火,一部分被破坏,从此无法再发出声音。——百度百科

※「沙皇炮」Царь-пушка,该炮不仅体积庞大,炮身上还雕刻有当时沙皇的肖像,这或许就是它名字的由来吧。实际上并未使用过,主要被拿来炫耀军事实力与其技术。

※「露西亚给了他一个“啊对”的表情」yeah right,才怪。


下一章(TBC)        ※相关三次元事物地点整理(二)

Inosyne

画了几个加

-

*参考图在最后

*我真的不会打tag 人名好难打

画了几个加

-

*参考图在最后

*我真的不会打tag 人名好难打

Linless

「露加」驯熊高手

#共梗写作,梗和另一文见@梣以木森 


     两人第一次见面时,伊万就对他的新搭档不抱好感。


     那头金发让伊万吓了一跳,这让他联想到某位过分热情的美利坚小伙,一个严重影响到工作体验的罪魁祸首。加上跟随对方的那只形影不离的白熊,更是让伊万感受到轻微的压力。


     熊?


     …他?...


#共梗写作,梗和另一文见@梣以木森 




     两人第一次见面时,伊万就对他的新搭档不抱好感。


     那头金发让伊万吓了一跳,这让他联想到某位过分热情的美利坚小伙,一个严重影响到工作体验的罪魁祸首。加上跟随对方的那只形影不离的白熊,更是让伊万感受到轻微的压力。


     熊?


     …他?


     斯拉夫人与生俱来拥有与熊摔跤的魄力,但和熊为伍的人确实少见。更何况那只熊和他主人其乐融融,没有露出獠牙,没有丝毫反入为主的意思。拥有如此强大的驯兽能力,而对方将是他的共事伙伴。


     “你好,我来自生物样本收集小组,我叫马修。”


     马修看见伊万时有些惊讶,伊万把它定义为外地人出来乍到时的新奇感,觉得更加不自在。


     “我叫伊万,负责地质勘查。”


     两人打过招呼后便匆匆分离,他们要在营地里的所属小组报告打卡,接着领取一堆报表和样本数据。工作者的脚步和雪风一样急,来不及细谈合作的事。


     工作地点处于北方的一座小村落,后来随着勘测的进度会继续向北深入。马修的所属小组刚到指定位置时,多数人都为炊烟的稀少程度叹了口气。不过情况也不算很差,至少他们睡觉的地方不用亲手建造,食物能从当地人处购买。


     那些繁重的任务、苛刻的死线,连夜赶路的疲惫和略微的水土不服等种种因素令马修憔悴,短时间环境改变让他有些不适应。在第二天的早晨,地理的原因天迟迟不亮,伊万没有叫醒一间卧室的马修,后者因为晚起迟到,而不得不遭受上司的冷嘲热讽。


     不满,争吵,然后另寻归宿。


     这些情景在营地里上演了不少次,伊万每次看见都觉得无奈又好笑,心想这些生活在温室里的雏鸟毫无耐心,受不了异域的严寒和琐事的纠缠,几天之内就会主动请缨换人更甚换掉工作场地。他的搭档不耐烦了,可能也会这样做。


     不过马修没有。伊万觉得马修会因为自己常常忽略他一个人行动而记仇,他也挺纳闷,威廉姆斯实在是很难引人注意,如果不是档案上写得清清楚楚,他会以为这段时间的工作将是个人执行。


      “我说,如果你受不住的话,还是趁早回你的研究室吧。”伊万在当天晚上向他的搭档建议,一时间寝室只有打开列巴纸包装时的刺喇声。


      对方在为一封密性过好的秋刀鱼罐头开盖,发力的同时不经意间压低了声音,让伊万误以为马修生气了。


      “我的力气不小,至少能够抱起熊太。我从小在雪地长大,耐寒能力也不至于不经一事。你也不用担心我跟当地人的交流问题……还有,如果是在叫我的话,可以在对话前加上我的名字。”


     马修对于他人无视或小看自己的事熟视无睹,但这也是他长久以来的麻烦之一。因此他在嘀咕这些事时,轻得像在说梦话。


     除了必要的谈话他大多以点头和摇头回答,有说话精力还得多准备几项样本。伊万面对马修的反应惶惶不安,他觉得他的搭档挺好,如果要真离开可能就舍不得。马修在黄刀有过两年的工作经历,和伊万的合作倒是很愉快。


      “有没有人说你俩的眼睛很像?”食堂上好热闹的亚洲姑娘凑过来向伊万请教问题后对两人说道。他俩确实没注意到这一点,两人对视的时候,姑娘轻轻地咳了一下,提出给他们照个相看看。


     咔嚓。两个人出现在同一镜头下,眼睛都是紫色。仔细对比,伊万的瞳色更纯,马修的带有一点蓝,不过不明显。他们看看手机上的照片,又看看对方的眼睛,一边若有所思小声讨论,一边脸上浮现愉快的笑容。倒是姑娘的处境更加尴尬了,捂着脸匆匆地跑掉。


     马修看着照片愣了一会,又望着不远处的王小姐和她的姐妹们。


     “不影响我们工作就好。”伊万表现得无所谓。像是缘分,两双瞳色相同的眼睛对视时给人的感觉确实挺奇妙的,让伊万有些在意。


     他俩成了营地里小有名气的组合,两人的办事效率高,组内榜一,但他俩形影不离的工作场面往往是女孩们私下讨论的话题。没人敢当面和伊万提这点,马修听见了也会稍作沉思,但这并不影响他俩的热度。上司在帐篷开会时特意将两人拎出来作为众人的工作典范,多数人在会上笑而不语。


     经姑娘的善意提醒,伊万有了让偶尔来看望马修的兄弟阿尔弗雷德气死的招。在阿尔弗雷德喊到马修时,他和马修一同转过头去,光是这一举动就可以让美利坚男孩十分窝火,因为他知道眼睛的事。如果进一步要让阿尔弗暴跳如雷的话,只需要不经意间抱着马修就可以了。


     他们探讨起了双胞胎,讨论与自己非亲血缘但外貌相似的家人,温柔的姐姐和黏人的妹妹,亲切的父母和吵闹的兄弟。两人打开了话匣子,忽然之间能够谈笑风生。渐渐地,伊万把马修想象成驯熊的成功人士,觉得对方强大到不会因为小事而被打倒。


     “你去过南方?”

      

     伊万心生向往,马修说了他在英国的寄宿经历,在法兰西进行过交换学习。那里的景色都和这里不同,春夏秋冬,有白雪融化,有鸟语花香。伊万不太明白那些概念,于是马修大胆地称之为精灵的国度。

 

     “如果往维多利亚的方向走走,你可以见到那里特有的花田,因为政府支持,加拿大的自然环境都保护得很好,小虫小鸟都是有的。”


     马修给伊万看了那只慵懒的白熊,面对伊万摇晃的手指熊吉丝毫不为所动,马修提醒他熊吉现在冬眠,不活跃,而且只吃鱼和糖浆。有一次伊万在马修工作善后的时候提到它,如果熊吉听得懂人话,帮忙搬仪器时肯定会轻松很多。马修当时在帮地质勘测组搬一堆器械,伊万拿了本属于他的大部分,自然是笑了笑,没有说话。

      

     当马修陈述熊吉从小陪他到大的事情时,伊万有些羡慕。马修摸摸他的头,像他对熊吉做的那样。


     上级没有理由遣散一对成绩优异的组合,于是默认了伊万陪同的请求。工作完成后,马修准备将样本送回加拿大的实验室,剩下的任务与马修搭不着边,他把生活用品都打包行李带了回去。


      “第一次见的时候觉得你和熊很有缘分,”马修在机场食堂吃饭时突然对伊万这么说,“那时很想拍拍你的头。”


      “说出来不怕被我笑话?”伊万朝他笑,想起两人刚见面时那个令人不自在的目光。


      “你这么大了,不也把人认错。”马修耸了耸肩,用勺柄指指自己的头发。


     当马修在飞机上考虑回到家后如何安慰被伊万吓到的家人们时,他看见熊吉和伊万两个白绒绒的脑袋随飞机低伏一同垂下,动作一致。马修拿出手机,偷偷拍了下来。

梣以木森

【常色北极】破冰

#是共梗写作,极限一换一q@Linless 

#梗来源测试蛙:冰川,啾啁鸟语,以及走不到尽头的路

#本来想试试暗黑风的,又崩了,不习惯n但伊万还是黑黑的有点,预警注意吧


       伊万·布拉金斯一直不能理解很多事。

  在他五岁时,母亲抱着他挡住父亲来袭的拳脚,他感觉有什么温热的液体滴在脖颈处,本就不防寒的薄布湿了一片,冻得他打颤。

  伊万问那是什么,父亲又为什么要那么做。

  母亲拥着小小的伊万,他被迫将脸埋在母亲胸脯处,什么也看不见。只能感到有更多的水珠从母亲眼眶中流...

#是共梗写作,极限一换一q@Linless 

#梗来源测试蛙:冰川,啾啁鸟语,以及走不到尽头的路

#本来想试试暗黑风的,又崩了,不习惯n但伊万还是黑黑的有点,预警注意吧




       伊万·布拉金斯一直不能理解很多事。

  在他五岁时,母亲抱着他挡住父亲来袭的拳脚,他感觉有什么温热的液体滴在脖颈处,本就不防寒的薄布湿了一片,冻得他打颤。

  伊万问那是什么,父亲又为什么要那么做。

  母亲拥着小小的伊万,他被迫将脸埋在母亲胸脯处,什么也看不见。只能感到有更多的水珠从母亲眼眶中流出,似是连接了厨房中锈迹斑斑的水龙头,没有尽头般落着灼伤的雨。

  母亲反反复复地重复着在伊万耳边说着,解释着:是爱,因为爱。

  但伊万莫名直觉母亲并不是在说给他听。

  伊万七岁时,母亲像往常一样出门买菜,却整整一个星期也没回来。

  父亲说母亲跑了,离开了,把他们扔下了,再也不会回来了。说着从地上捡起一瓶喝空的伏特加,这些酒瓶永远都占据着四分之一客厅。

  “好啊,都走了,她早就想跑了,这下没有人护着你了。”

  父亲说着,脸上有一瞬是伊万从未见过的表情,像无数次夜里母亲为他包扎时,呢喃着爱的样子,但立即又变为了平日醉酒后向他施暴的模样,区别只有这次父亲是醒着的。

  没有母亲的抵挡后,父亲的殴打稳稳当当落在了伊万的身上。但伊万没有过多在意身体上的疼痛,他只是惊讶于第一次见到父亲的眼泪。

  望着男人脸上落下的水他恍然明白母亲离开了那场无尽的雨,留他还被困在原处的路,再没人来伸出手拥抱他。

  疼痛是父亲爱的方式。

  拥抱是母亲爱的方式。

  可父亲的爱太疼太疼了,那如果去拥抱父亲呢,他会不会也拥抱我,和母亲一样——

  伊万在那瞬间忽然产生了这样的想法。

  于是他向父亲伸出手,想要抱住气势汹汹冲来的男人。一个酒瓶却刚好落在男人脚后,他见到父亲向后倒去,避开了他的拥抱,地板被不同于泪水却同样炽热的液体染成了红。

  过了几天家里来了很多人,将不大的房子挤得满满当当,伊万被挤在角落里,看着人们带走了一动不动的父亲。

  “你们要带他去哪里?”

  伊万拽着其中一个人打听道。

  “可怜的孩子,他死了,我们要带走他。”

  “死是什么?他什么时候回来?”

  那人没有回答,只是叹息一声,挣脱了伊万的手。

  人们离开后,伊万被堂姐冬妮娅接回了家,而他再也没见过父亲与母亲。

  伊万十岁了。冬妮娅在不知觉和他的话越来越少,他们也越来越见不着面,偶尔遇上几次也是匆匆给他塞几块牛轧糖。伊万知道是冬妮娅的父母——他的叔叔婶婶不待见他,他曾起夜听见过叔叔婶婶掩着房门对冬妮娅道,声音不大但廉价的房门足矣使他听得清晰:

  “伊万那孩子太邪门了,笑起来又渗人,爸妈死的时候一滴眼泪都不掉,当初觉得他可怜,现在想想,唉……”

  “咱们家不缺他一口吃,但也就仁至义尽了,你离他远点,不要让我们在看到和他亲近,到了成年我们也不可能再养着他。”

  伊万不理解,不明白,想不透。学院里所有老师都说喜欢笑着的孩子,却唯独对上他脸色变得奇怪,连话也说不好,也不会拥抱他。

  为什么呢,为什么呢?

  伊万用母亲仅有留给他的礼物,一条洗得发白的围巾想要将一只雪地中被捕兽夹捉住的花栗鼠包起来,他包的很紧很紧,抱得很紧很紧,想象着母亲曾经那样将他揉入骨髓中的力道。虽然他不明白,但这样做了,它会不会给予他回应?

  花栗鼠猛烈挣扎后,动作幅度越来越小,最后果然不动了,安安静静待在伊万怀中。

  伊万很开心,这是接纳了他的爱吗?他兴冲冲将被染红的围巾打开,举起花栗鼠的身体,花栗鼠还是一动不动,也没有向他伸出手。

  它得到了我的爱,却不想爱我!

  伊万委屈极了,将花栗鼠的尸体扔开,用雪水洗干净了围巾。

  伊万十五岁时,已经从书本中,在早慧同学的嘴里,知道了太多爱的含义,似乎所有人眼中的爱都是不同的,不一样的,但却所有人都喜爱着,追求着这个词。

  伊万也如此追求着,在母亲无数个日夜不断在他耳边重复下,这个词汇已经在他心中驻扎了执念的根,或许也有一部分是因为他曾经有过,得到过,可他失去了,他再也没有了。

  伊万有时会觉得自己其实从未离开过那场无尽的雨,那条望不到前方的路,四周结满厚厚的冰,他透过冰可以窥望外面模糊的世界,却过不去,离不开,指尖冻得通红,如同围巾上洗不干净的印记。

  可他依旧怎么也想不明白为什么。

  马修在伊万十八岁时出现了,那时伊万刚从叔叔婶婶家中搬出来,去外地留学。他找了一间便宜又实在的出租屋,一边打工一边上学也能承担。

  离开时天空落下了细细的雨,冬妮娅罕有的拥抱了他。

  马修是伊万的室友,和他一样离开家来外地求学。他们作息时间挨得意外的近,除去工作和打工,明明是两个血气方刚的小伙子却似乎完全没有户外活动,休息时全是挤在小小的出租屋里。

  马修总是很安静,关门与脚步声几乎没有,大多时候都是待在他的房间里捧着一本厚厚的书,伊万有段时间甚至觉得自己的室友是个幽灵。

  但伊万还是很喜欢这个室友,因为马修没有像其他人一样回避他的拥抱,也没有在他拥抱后离他远远的,偶尔马修会做一些小甜点敲开他的房门,他还是第一次收到除去母亲和堂姐冬妮娅之外的人的礼物。

  伊万在收下点心时总是向马修要一个拥抱,马修没有拒绝,却有次还是忍不住向他提了一嘴。

  “我有一个兄弟,他也喜欢像你这样拥抱人,不过还是控制一点力道比较好,不适应的人会很疼的。”

  “可是,母亲以前也是这么紧的抱着我,她说这是爱,她说错了吗?她在骗我吗?”

  伊万不解。

  “抱歉,请问以前是指……?”

  “我很久很久没见到她了喔,母亲给予的爱,虽然会疼,但是比起父亲要好很多~父亲说母亲走了,然后他也不见了。”

  “……她没有骗你,只是每个人爱的方式不一样。”

  马修沉默着向伊万抬起手,头一次主动拥抱了伊万,那是和母亲完全不同的拥抱,他的动作依旧很轻,像一根羽毛柔柔搭在了伊万的身上。

  伊万呆愣着,不理解,不明白,想不透。自己为何失去了所有气力,连声音也发不出来,从未有过的痒意与温暖包裹着他,是什么?为什么?

  冰墙终于融化了一个小洞,让他可以缓慢地离开原处,透过孔清晰的看见外面的山川草木,鸟乐虫鸣。

  ——那是一瞬的心动。

Azure

「北极」极光

      *想了好久还是决定发上来了

      *是北极组的场合,麻烦自主避雷w

  *充满了个人偏执的理解和妄论


  ——“它是我追寻了一生的寒冷和永夜。”

  

  “就像你一样。”

  

      被老福特屏到没脾气了()

      斗智斗勇不如直接走外...

      *想了好久还是决定发上来了

      *是北极组的场合,麻烦自主避雷w

  *充满了个人偏执的理解和妄论

      

  ——“它是我追寻了一生的寒冷和永夜。”

  

  “就像你一样。”




  

      被老福特屏到没脾气了()

      斗智斗勇不如直接走外链来得痛快√

     补链了!!!AO3比石墨可靠多了XD

      点我看美丽北极组(bu)

  

  



   AO3挂掉了(。)

    随缘补链叭如果有想看的小可爱可以找我要(挠脑袋)

梣以木森

【冰冻枫糖】他们一定有染

#CP为北米北极并没有冷战

#米露单恋加为前提

#有后续


       “阿尔……你其实可以告诉我的。”

  马修仔仔细细将家里确认了好几遍,排除监护人在家后,拉上窗帘,关门之前做贼心虚般又将头探出去四处张望检查,才压低声音对一头雾水的双胞胎兄弟阿尔弗雷德小声说道。

  什么事?

  阿尔弗雷德表面懵逼内心更懵逼,不但懵逼还慌的一匹。

  难道马蒂知道上次把他布偶熊弄脏的是我了?还是他知道我昨天偷偷和伊万打架了?或者——

  阿尔弗雷德看着马修心虚的模样,心中不禁联想到了一个最不可能他却也最忍不住...

#CP为北米北极并没有冷战

#米露单恋加为前提

#有后续



       “阿尔……你其实可以告诉我的。”

  马修仔仔细细将家里确认了好几遍,排除监护人在家后,拉上窗帘,关门之前做贼心虚般又将头探出去四处张望检查,才压低声音对一头雾水的双胞胎兄弟阿尔弗雷德小声说道。

  什么事?

  阿尔弗雷德表面懵逼内心更懵逼,不但懵逼还慌的一匹。

  难道马蒂知道上次把他布偶熊弄脏的是我了?还是他知道我昨天偷偷和伊万打架了?或者——

  阿尔弗雷德看着马修心虚的模样,心中不禁联想到了一个最不可能他却也最忍不住想要试探的方面。

  马蒂发现我喜欢他了?

  不,不可能,要知道就算他自己也是上个星期才确认自己心意的——说来还多亏了伊万,如果不是突然冒出的“情敌”他也可能将这份心情再误会成亲情,双子间特殊想法亦或其它。

  但是万一——

  “你说的是哪个方面?”

  “就是……感情方面。”

  马修说着也更加不好意思了,毕竟这一切都是他的猜想,毫无实际根据。但眼前是他最亲密的人,是连着心的双子,他可以察觉到对方这个星期的变化,那种丝毫不带掩饰的,强烈的情感。

  “我就直接问吧。阿尔,你是不是有喜欢的人了?”

  “是……”

  阿尔弗雷德出了一手心汗,暗恋就要被当事人揭开的刺激使得他前所未有的紧张,但他还是忍不住感到心底一阵暗藏的喜悦。

  “那么你喜欢的人是不是……”

  他盯着马修一张一合的嘴唇出神,是不是他以后就能拥有亲吻它的资格了?

  只见马修深吸了一口气,将接下来的话说完。

  “你喜欢的人是不是……伊万同学?”

  “没……哈??!”

  ———————————

  马修觉得自己的感觉不会有错,毕竟阿尔对伊万的态度实在太过反常了。

  毕竟是从小一起长大,马修很直观的感受过阿尔弗雷德的受欢迎程度,一个小团体他加入后混熟再到成为领袖几乎只需要一个下午。

  但伊万同学不一样。

  阿尔弗雷德不知为何每次见到伊万同学态度就立马来了个一百八的大转变,一旦逮着对方任何一点错处都开始死咬着不放——明明阿尔是最乐于助人的。而且两人总是充斥着第三人无法靠近的奇怪气场,只有他这个作为兄弟的才能勉强介入劝个架,所幸有着作为“阿尔弗雷德哥哥”这一身份,伊万同学对他还是很好说话的,但遇上阿尔状态又不对劲了。

  也许就是因为害羞吧。

  马修在阿尔弗雷德越来越明显的反常下突然醍醐灌顶,这两人不就像小男孩吸引小女生注意一样吗?他们一定有染!

  于是他就那么直接问了阿尔弗雷德,虽然对方果然承认了自己有喜欢的人,但说起伊万同学又反应巨大的否认,追究是谁还支支吾吾的,但说到底就是害羞嘛。

  只是再这样别扭下去是不行的。马修想。作为兄长他了解过弟弟心意后必须做点什么。

  ———————————

  “伊万同学,我们可以单独谈谈吗?”

  伊万很好说话,几乎是毫不费力便被马修约了出来。

  “你找我有什么事吗?”

  还是第一次被心上人主动约,伊万心情非常不错,阿尔弗雷德一脸急切又说不出话的模样也是让人愉悦。不过等他真的和马修在一起后也不是不能勉强接纳这个小舅子,呼呼,真令人期待啊。

  “伊万同学是怎么看待……同性之间的感情呢?”

  马修问出口后,便忐忑的盯着伊万,生怕在对方脸上找到一丝厌恶的痕迹。

  “不用担心马修同学,我喜欢的人就是同性呢。”

  伊万瞧着马修肉眼可见的紧张心情大好。果然我们才是两情相悦的,弟弟就永远做个弟弟好了。

  这边马修似乎没多大惊讶,只是更加紧张的继续问。

  “您喜欢的人是不是金色头发?”

  “是的。”

  “那他是不是戴眼镜?”

  “是的。”

  “身高和我差不多?”

  “是的。”

  那就没问题了。

  马修舒了一口气,喜滋滋的,果然伊万同学也喜欢阿尔,阿尔知道后一定会很开心的!于是他在伊万期待的目光下说道:

  “太好啦,阿尔也很喜欢您!”

  “是……嗯???”

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