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浪里游喔游喔哦

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  一楼戴礼帽老爷爷养的白色京巴，同学家的大金毛，路边没人看管却有项圈的细腿大黑……松狮追我，土狗也追我，他们只追咬我这样的小孩，却不追大人。所以我以前深刻理解了狗仗人势这个词，因为人总是站在那里，笑骂两声，但是也不动。我急得要命，举着双手往大人身上跳，他们并不接住我，按着我的肩膀一直谈笑风生，就好像全都看不见我一样。我也不觉得他们栓绳有用，长长的狗绳，不为了不咬人，只是为了防止走丢。   以前我觉得大部分狗都很坏，很疯，看到我就追过来攻击，毫无道理，哪怕我手上显而易见的有木棍之类的可以殴打它们的东西。我小时候是很讨厌狗的，我也只知道讨厌流浪狗，不敢讨厌..."}},{"year":2023,"month":9,"dayOfMonth":26,"id":11717233186,"time":1698323445146,"noteCount":0,"tagCount":0,"type":1,"cctype":4,"reblog":false,"blogId":2020677,"valid":0,"collectionId":0,"values":{"permalink":"1ed545_2ba66ca22","noticeLinkTitle":"安慰剂","title":"安慰剂","content":"   前一阵一直阴天，我心情特别差，我妈说她理解，列举七姑八姨的案例，随后劝我吃这个神药那个神药，给我买了三瓶逍遥丸。就，有的人的安慰剂是安慰剂，有的人的安慰剂是让家人吃她的安慰剂。   今天又因为掉头发很崩溃，大部分情况这些崩溃我自己会处理，自然流逝：我把让我操心焦虑的所有事情列举出来，然后先解决力所能及的一两个（基本上是我自己杠掉的同时会觉得很无语的那种，就这？）我希望我的多囊卵巢能从我妈那得到一些建议，毕竟她是医学院的，算半个医生，她怪我熬夜，我又疯了。我说你凭什么怪我，得这个病和熬不熬夜根本毫无关系，但凡说一句减肥也好我都不会怎么样。我都不敢想，她不说是因为什么吗？   我觉得我..."}},{"year":2023,"month":9,"dayOfMonth":26,"id":11717191180,"time":1698279053467,"noteCount":0,"tagCount":0,"type":1,"cctype":4,"reblog":false,"blogId":2020677,"valid":0,"collectionId":0,"values":{"permalink":"1ed545_2ba66260c","noticeLinkTitle":"崩溃了","title":"崩溃了","content":"连着两三天都在皱在床上哭"}},{"year":2023,"month":7,"dayOfMonth":19,"id":11708982539,"time":1692374668563,"noteCount":0,"tagCount":0,"type":1,"cctype":4,"reblog":false,"blogId":2020677,"valid":0,"collectionId":0,"values":{"permalink":"1ed545_2b9e8e50b","noticeLinkTitle":"无力的冷嘲","title":"无力的冷嘲","content":"   我老觉得，嘲讽、反讽、戏谑、冷嘲……是很孱弱的东西，无论作为表现手法还是用于讨论。它可以博君一笑，但是根本就无关痛痒，因为随便什么，真的随便什么东西，都可以被戏谑被解构。   如果想要嘲讽一个现象一个群体，我们一定可以找到，从名字谐音到外表到某种特质，总归是能找到嘲讽的方式的，然后把他们抽象成符号，再衍生出一大堆毫不相关的东西嘲出天际，秽语狂欢。   可是那又怎么样呢？   如果一个人因黄赌毒而声名败坏，ta被嘲讽的点却是因为9月1号下午三点走过一条斑马线，从此ta的名字变成他人口中的斑马、王文王马、《下 午 三 点 路 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  刚刚又在高浓度网上冲浪，看到一些比较自信的行为，我非常刻薄地从心底发出一些讥笑，然后立刻感受到了自己的无耻。我突然想到，也许我发现别人自信的过程，对应的就是揭露自身自卑底色的过程，时空上重合的两个维度，颠倒了的次序。确实，不该如此。"}},{"year":2023,"month":5,"dayOfMonth":2,"id":11695287437,"time":1685695416830,"noteCount":0,"tagCount":0,"type":1,"cctype":0,"reblog":false,"blogId":2020677,"valid":0,"collectionId":0,"values":{"permalink":"1ed545_2b917ec8d","noticeLinkTitle":"年龄焦虑","title":"年龄焦虑","content":"  我有很强烈的年龄焦虑。这个焦虑不完全是来自于准确地感知到年龄数字，而是那种你知我知这是人的黄金时代，然而我个人好像并没有在从事什么闪闪发亮的事情做出闪闪发亮的成果。   这怎么能叫黄金时代呢？我还没有准备好，还没有减肥，找到好工作，work hard play hard，我明明每天都不怎么充实，每天都在昏昏欲睡啊。文学作品里那种“玫瑰色的年纪”是不是真的存在。"}},{"year":2023,"month":4,"dayOfMonth":14,"id":11693271878,"time":1684046427611,"noteCount":0,"tagCount":0,"type":1,"cctype":0,"reblog":false,"blogId":2020677,"valid":0,"collectionId":0,"values":{"permalink":"1ed545_2b8f92b46","noticeLinkTitle":"我想要健康的身体和健全的心","title":"我想要健康的身体和健全的心","content":"  👁️ 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  同时我对the星i追感到了厌烦，怎么都30岁了还一直倾诉自己年轻时候吃过的苦，还在卖惨呢？人生的内核除了hustle以外没有其他了吗？就是你已经挣着大把的钞票了，为什么写的歌还不如年轻时候动人？难道说对于一个天资平庸的人，真的只有苦难悲惨的经历才能成为他灵感创作的土壤吗？是吗？是吗？我对他的自我投射已经严重到了这样的地步。"}},{"year":2023,"month":3,"dayOfMonth":23,"id":11690461325,"time":1682184930230,"noteCount":0,"tagCount":0,"type":1,"cctype":0,"reblog":false,"blogId":2020677,"valid":0,"collectionId":0,"values":{"permalink":"1ed545_2b8ce488d","noticeLinkTitle":"Can I?","title":"Can I?","content":"  我真的能够这样做吗   不敢做选择了"}},{"year":2023,"month":3,"dayOfMonth":19,"id":11689871253,"time":1681837274228,"noteCount":0,"tagCount":0,"type":1,"cctype":0,"reblog":false,"blogId":2020677,"valid":0,"collectionId":0,"values":{"permalink":"1ed545_2b8c54795","noticeLinkTitle":"  因为我是母亲的孩子 于是我...","title":"","content":"  因为我是母亲的孩子 于是我认为   我天然地应当爱她所爱 恨她所恨   于是我爱我所恨 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  14号的时候应该至少一个学校结束考试了，到时候应该也经过南京，我们可以顺路去看一下。我们全家都去，现在挂号也可以到时候再做打算……我的心好乱，和我的桌子一样……"}},{"year":2023,"month":2,"dayOfMonth":31,"id":11687608191,"time":1680267250816,"noteCount":0,"tagCount":0,"type":1,"cctype":0,"reblog":false,"blogId":2020677,"valid":0,"collectionId":0,"values":{"permalink":"1ed545_2b8a2bf7f","noticeLinkTitle":"  有钱怎么什么都能买到啊他马...","title":"","content":"  有钱怎么什么都能买到啊他马勒戈壁的 有钱能买到我最想要的学历和教育 日 就错了那么一步 后面全错了 我以为我一点点维持过来的 小心谨慎不要走错 在已有的资源里选最好的 结果在别人的对比下如此可笑 我没法跳出来 为什么那么多东西 我以前都不知道啊 好想死人生直接他爹重开"}},{"year":2023,"month":2,"dayOfMonth":29,"id":11687351715,"time":1680021821687,"noteCount":0,"tagCount":0,"type":1,"cctype":0,"reblog":false,"blogId":2020677,"valid":0,"collectionId":0,"values":{"permalink":"1ed545_2b89ed5a3","noticeLinkTitle":"两件事","title":"两件事","content":"  第一件事，是近来忽然觉察自己总是差一口气。举例来说，小时候和经常和表弟赛跑，小孩子玩嘛，我跑几步就累了，也从来没赢过他，因为从一开始，从他突然喊“看谁跑得快”的那一刻他立刻冲出去，就知道我一定会输。就好像，从起跑线就已经远远落在了后面，我明明知道的，但还是胡乱地拼命地跑了几步，然后也很快地累了，尴尬又失落。   第二件事，是想起小时候看到的东西。老实说，我是铁骨铮铮的唯物主义者（为数不多坚信的事），但是这事确实是有些邪门，也许是我太过相信自己的眼睛。幼儿园之前，我们家住在单位分配的平房里，房子很小，但我也很小，所以觉得床，电视，一切都很大，也很昏暗。家里床上无论春夏秋冬都挂着蚊帐，有天半......"}},{"year":2023,"month":2,"dayOfMonth":13,"id":11685686130,"time":1678697672612,"noteCount":0,"tagCount":0,"type":1,"cctype":0,"reblog":false,"blogId":2020677,"valid":0,"collectionId":0,"values":{"permalink":"1ed545_2b8856b72","noticeLinkTitle":"原来被全力支持的人生真的不一样","title":"原来被全力支持的人生真的不一样","content":"  原来被全力支持的人生真的不一样。   以前没经历过，不知道就以为不存在，疑惑别人有什么可自信的，自己也不自觉成为了惯于冷嘲的人格。做什么事情都要经过允许，习得性无助还要被不知情的人质疑为什么一会瞻前顾后畏首畏尾，一会又自作主张，别扭得很诡异。甚至还给搞出了一套完整的自洽话术，没关系，不是所有人都想被治好，就让我自由地烂好了。   我以为我是真的不在乎所谓情绪价值，反正解决不了问题，但是现在才知道情绪价值几乎都是和好的解决方案一起来的。我说它没有卵用因为我没得到过，我的问题没被当真地对待过，他们敷衍的建议却被我当真了。   我有一个常用的id，是高中时取的网名，其实是我从语文课本里......"}}]'};

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