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我从来没有想过我的小个子会让我带着一颗如此自卑的心脏匍匐前行。在我十六岁喜欢上一个同班女孩的时候，我第一次尝到了自卑的滋味。就是那样，眨眼那么容易，我的小个子让自卑的根瘤在我花季的年纪撒下种子，成为我认为的此生挥之不去的噩梦。

　　

　　我心思很细小，常常想的很多而做的很少。而记忆这回事我却比很多人更擅长。让我悲伤的同时又愤怒的是，我从来都不缺少想要去做的念头，对我来说勇气本身就是挂着耻辱的字眼。我傻傻分不清楚，有时候为自己难过气愤的抹眼泪，有时候也会心疼那小个子的自己而揉眼睛。高中的时候我的小个子如愿变成小胖子，小个子的胖子。我想每个人都有沉默的理由，而我理所当然的认为待在角落就是光线顾及不到的场所。在任何年轻孩子渴望的事情上我都给了自己一个让自己无法拒绝的理由，你怎么能可以呢？对呀，生活就这样成了另外一个样子，发现的时候都是在和过往的熟悉说再见的时候。共处的时间愈发感觉难以打发，喜欢上的事仔细想想好像全是一个人可以干的。我就是在那些日子里变的沉默的。

　　

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　　我的十七，八岁就是在忙着说服自己，对于那个渴望长大的自己带来的一切欲望悄悄的浇上凉水。我在任何人面前都懦弱的比不了一个女子，没曾想过终究敌不过自己。我不知道那个我看不起的小个子是如何在我悄悄浇凉水的手中偷偷长大的，我不知道现在的我会不会是当初你期待的样子，我不知道的还有很多。我知道的，我曾无比自私的恨过你。我花费了好长时间才明白了一个道理，最美的风景便是年纪和心态平衡的眼睛所看到的生活。十七，八岁的我太渴望成长，在那个敢爱敢恨追求淡淡忧伤的年纪，我让眼光停留的时间太短。倘若能够再来一次，我不确定自己是否还愿做一个小个子的胖子在那个年纪里，我知道的，在我所能掌握的现在里，我在自私的爱着你。

　　

　　二十岁的生日我送了自己一份礼物：让自己在小说中谈了场恋爱，去吃了一直想吃的罐罐饺子。我写下再讲给自己听，就有了你们看到时的不由而生蔑视。不过我还要调侃，你们都是现实中的英雄，就让我在自己的文字中意淫吧。我越来越容易忘却了，我曾那样仇恨，现在如此庆幸的你渐渐就模糊了呦！好在我爱写。