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Meadow Deriggi lived exactly how a young  woman should live who wants to spend her youth well.

She did everything and nothing.And spent time purposefully.

She sang with the band and knew everyone and didn't owe anyone anything.And couldn't pay up,even if she did.

Her beauty was that rare kind that made you want to look more like yourself and not tike her.

Being around Meadow was like being in New York City.It made you want to find life,not hide from it.

I want the whole deal.I want the dead on my feet wake up and I'm 40.

I've spent my whole life chasing after things and knocking at doors and I'm tired of running towards people.

I wanna to be the placethat people come to.I want to make a home for all the knockers and runners.

I'm good at that.I'm happy with that.I keep the hearth.

Popular kids never care,I cared too much.

Like if you want lo know all the popular kids' business,ask an unpopular kid.They're the ones who know everything,cause they're the ones who really pay attention.

You can't really know what it is to want things until you're at least 30.

And then, with each passing year,it gets bigger.Because the want is more and the possibility is less.Like how each passing year of your life seems faster because it's a smaller portion of your total life,like that.

But in reverse everything becomes pure want.

Meadow had made rich fat women less fat,and rich stupid kids less stupid,and lame rich men less lame.

And she wanted so badly to be on the other side, to be fat and stupid and lame and rich.But what she couldn't see most of all more than she couldn't see that she was never going to get the restaurant was that those people were nothing compared to her.They were matches to her bonfire.

She was the last cowboy,all romance and failure.

The world was changing,and her kind didn't have anywhere to go.Being a beacon of hope for lesser people is a lonely business.